Night Terror
by Forfun100
Summary: Some stories are hard to tell, and it's hard to find a beginning point. So I guess we could say this. It starts off innocently enough, just a girl trying to hide from her past, and a boy wanting more than anything to know her secrets.
1. Chapter 1

_Just quick heads up chapters change per point of view. Reasons... Soon to be revealed ;D also anything in italics is in French you'll see why soon pinky swear._

* * *

**Katniss' POV**

In the year 2002 I was twenty-four years old. This is when our story begins, it began in the early summer just after I had received my masters degree back in Montana. My home, the place that birthed me, and raised me well.

I'd gotten my degree in Foreign Affairs and a minor in French. I was on a plane flying to Seattle Washington for my first real job. By real I mean not teaching kids to ride horses, or working at the local book shop.

I'd left everything back home, too much was there. Too much to remind me just how much hell my childhood had been. My town was right in the wilderness, closed off, completely isolated from the real world. That town, and everyone in it had seen my life turn to shit.

My best friend, Gale, was watching over my baby sister until I was stable enough to send for her to live with me. Though she was sixteen, I still didn't trust her alone. She was the last bit of me I had to reality.

That's all I was willing to allow myself memories of. My home was far behind me, and now I could only focus on the future. My new job and the book I was reading on the plane, were my two main focuses.

When the flight attendant announced we'd be landing I became fairly nervous. I'd never been anywhere but Montana, only once I went to Canada and that was by accident.

I looked out at my new home, rainy and probably hot as hell.

I wondered if I would truly learn to belong here, if some small town country girl would ever make it. Spoiler alert, I would make it.

I'd gotten off the plane with hassle. Other people had connecting flights and barreled right on through. I stood around like a lost puppy for a second looking for baggage claim where my new coworker would be picking me up.

I saw the sign for baggage claim and nearly bolted to it. My one huge suit case was one of the first out.

After I grabbed it I turned and looked around for my new coworker. I didn't know much about him, just that his name was Finnick, and he knew my boss better than the back of his hand.

I eventually took a seat by the baggage carousel. I took in my surroundings, and I waited for years.

I looked over and saw a man standing by the baggage claim, on his cell phone, soaking wet. I wondered who on Gods green Earth would wear a suit and walk out in this weather.

The man looked at me, squinted at my appearance, and went back to his call. I must look like an idiot.

I wore my riding boots that day, they were the most comfortable thing in my whole damned closet, ripped jeans, and a checkered button down. I couldn't have resembled my country home town more perfectly if I had, had a farmers hat and a horse between my thighs.

I suddenly felt terribly under-dressed as the man neared me.

"Are you Katniss Everdeen?" The man asked in a low, almost intentionally arousing tone.

"Yes." I responded coolly.

"Finnick Odair." He held out his dripping hand to me, "I'm your new partner."

"Pleasure." I said.

"Sorry I'm late, and wet." He laughed.

"Sorry I look like a cowgirl." I said. He laughed again.

"Where are we from? Texas?" He guessed.

"Montana." I sighed.

"Ah, well let's get you to your apartment and fixed up for the party." He said picking up my luggage.

"Party?" I asked both confused and frightened.

"Yes, you'll meet everyone in the business. You'll meet the new interns, and the boss." He said leading me to the car outside. We drove to my new apartment in the downtown area close to my new work place.

I won't lie it was one sketchy ass part of town, but I wasn't afraid. A home was a home, I was looking for convenience not luxury.

"I'll meet you back here in two hours, from there we'll go to the dinner."

"Thanks Finnick." I waved as he drove off. I walked into the building and took no time at all to get my key. Apartment number twelve, my new home. I stood outside with the rain pounding my umbrella as I fit the key into the door. The rusty wire balcony sounded like it would cave in at any moment. (Two of the stairs down to the ground were missing and I had been certain I'd die just to get to my apartment.) I got the stubborn door open and into my new home I went.

Lord Jesus, I'm glad there was no carpet or else the place would have been absolutely revolting. A sickly yellow painted the walls, crème appliances -which were out dated- looked like... Hell.

One old loveseat sat in the middle of the 'living room' with torn fabric holding on for its washed out life, a coffee table made of peeling wood that was painted white and had suffered so much over the years the chipping was more like a complete loss of a paint job, a splintering wooden bookshelf was built into the wall perpendicular to the window, and finally two doors. One led to the bedroom -the door hung solely on one hinge- the other led to the bathroom this door had no latch.

This was my new home, and the place of some of my fondest memories. I went and visited this place a couple of weeks back, the paint still remains in all its vomitous pus colored glory. The loveseat still sat frozen in time, the only signs of age were more holes, and the faded fabric from when I had lived there, that had apparently also survived over the years, was more faded and had hardly any pattern left.

The now yellowed appliances still work by some miracle. Even the window with a crack down the middle and the frighteningly unstable wire balcony remain. Something's will always be there to welcome you home, no matter how shitty.

I went to the bathroom first, unpacking everything that belonged in there. Then I discovered the infamous, Door That Could Never Close. Oh the stories I could tell just because of that damned door.

The shower curtain wasn't a shower curtain, it was drapes, no use lying about it. They were one hundred percent drapes from a child's bedroom. Or it was a shower curtain from the seventies.

The rusty trusty sink -gained its name from the fact it never stopped working the entirety of my living there- gurgled as it churned out water, but the water was clean, so I washed my face anyway. I brushed my hair and pulled it away from my face into a braid, not even daring to try the power socket with a blow dryer/hot iron of any kind.

I left to unpack the rest of my things. I had an hour and a half left to ready myself. I put all of my books on the shelf, filing it immediately. I'm kind of a book-worm okay?

With an hour left I unpacked my clothes, which were mostly new. I caved and bought myself new clothes for work, as I had zero business clothes back in Montana.

I slipped on a dress that made me feel awkward, but didn't look half bad. I didn't have much time left after dressing and getting ready. But I did get a chance to look around at the Black hole. The bed that died long ago and was never thrown away.

That bed would be the home of so many nightmares and laughs, it would absorb blood, alcohol, vomit, and even urine. You'll figure out how I know these things later.

The mattress survived all these years, I think it's a sentimental thing. The bed being there just for me on my visit, it was there to remind me, even if it's lumpy and sinks it still means something.

I took my umbrella and locked my door. Sketchy ass part of town and all I hid anything that looked relatively valuable.

I stood on the side-walk not for five seconds before I noticed that my dress was short as hell. Mid thigh in rainy weather, and things did not look to good for me.

Finnick pulled up quickly and I hopped into his car. He smiled satisfied at me, though confused I didn't dare to question it. He'd changed and wasn't... wet.

"So where are we headed?"

"Billy's."

"Is that the restaurant or one of the workers?"

"It's the bar."

"Bar?" I asked.

"Yep, initiation begins now Everdeen."

"Huh?"

"The whole gang will be there. And you'll have to down a whole ten beers by the end of the night to become one of us."

Oh shit... I'd never had an alcoholic drink in my entire life... Well fuck!

"That won't be a problem will it?"

I didn't mention alcohol had been the sole reason for me to hate every part of this Earth, "I lived in the state where it is legal to be drunk and still go to work. I think I'll be fine." I concluded would be the best answer.

"I'll take that." Finnick said as we pulled up to the bar. It looked packed to the brim with people. "Everyone's here. The whole office is here." He smiled, "Ready to get drunk?"

"Yes...?"

"Good." He led me into the bar. -This bar, would become my second home, the place I still visit regularly.- The bar was warm -as it still is- It didn't reek of dying liver juice. It had an upbeat fun atmosphere. It was what every home should feel like... Welcoming.

We walked in and were greeted with an uproar of cheers.

Finnick slapped some people's hands and snickered at jokes shouted at him. I try desperately to make my dress longer.

"Finn, is this your new girl? Annie will be pissed!" A stubby man walked up to us. He was balding and had an eternally smiling face.

"Yeah right, this is my new coworker. Katniss, this is Billy. The owner."

"Hi." I shook his hand.

"If you don't mind me saying, you have one fine ass."

"Thank you." I nodded subconsciously, not entirely sure if it was meant as a compliment. The man laughed heartily, wrinkling his face even more.

Finnick led me to a table of all men. "Beetee, Boggs. This is Katniss. Katniss, these two work right next to us."

"Hi." I shook their hands.

"That's Thresh, he's new like you. This is Cinna, Thresh's partner. That's Cato he was new last year, and this is your new boss Haymitch."

The forty-some-odd-year-old stood to greet me. "I'm a professional drunk by trade." He shook my hand. "You're the little cowgirl am I right?"

"Yes sir."

"I'll be expecting, to learn horse back after you've downed ten beers."

"Yes sir."

"Haymitch how much have you drank already?" Finnick inquired.

"In my life or now?"

"Now?"

"About six beers."

"Keep it up." Finnick gave him a thumbs up leading me to another table. "These are the fine ladies of the office, Miss. Rue who's our only intern this year, Johanna -who's a slut just saying-"

"Hey!" The multi colored haired woman pointed her beer threateningly at him.

"This is little Glimmer -who is also a slut- Clove -who could kick my ass- and Ginger who works with Boggs and Beetee every now and then."

"My name is not Ginger!" The red-head sighed.

"I totally could kick your ass." Clove snickered.

"Don't even try to say you're not a slut Glimmer. I can see every bit of skin on you." Johanna eyed Glimmer.

"I am a slut, I won't deny it." She shrugged before tipping back her beer.

"Come on Katniss," Finnick lead me to another few tables of people I would never form a close bond with before taking me to my table.

"Katniss this is where we'll sit." He gestured to a booth with a woman and man sitting opposite each other. "This is my wife Annie, she doesn't work for the corporation. And this is Peeta, he doesn't work here either but he comes to all the parties."

"Hi Annie." I shook her hand as she smiled sweetly. "Peeta?"

"Hi." The blonde took my hand in a strong grip. I took a seat with Annie as the waiter came around.

"What'll you have?"

I'd have preferred nothing, drinking made me uncomfortable, "A hurricane." I said trying not to seem like an alcoholic wimp.

"Alright."

"So Katniss where are you from?" Annie asked right off.

"I lived just outside Fort Peck, Montana." I said coolly.

"Where is that?"

"Far northern part of Montana, right by Canada. I'd be surprised if you've heard of it the city itself has a population of two hundred and thirty people."

"Damn." Annie laughed, "Small town."

"Oh hell yeah."

"This is going to sound bad but did you live on a farm?"

"Oh yeah, a horse farm." I smiled trying to feel comfortable.

"That's cool, so you like own horses?"

"We breed horses, and train them sometimes."

"I got a little cowgirl over here!" Finnick laughed taking a shot.

"Finnick, you still have to drive her home remember." Annie said sternly.

"I know." Finnick said, "So Katniss, you have to tell me what that shithole of an apartment complex is like, I've always passed by it but never been in it."

I wanted to answer truthfully, I wanted to say it was better than home. I wanted to say that I loved it, I wouldn't come clean until later, "I'm ninety percent sure someone moved in during the seventies, and the owners didn't notice the guy died until a few years ago."

"Awesome." Finnick proclaimed.

To me it truthfully was. I loved that little apartment and still do.

"Peeta take a shot with me." Finnick said, "We have to get your memory fuzzy my friend."

"Finn," Peeta laughed.

"What my best friend is thinking about enlisting and I want you drunk as hell!"

"Enlisting? Peeta I thought your father talked you out of it" Annie sighed in a motherly tone.

Peeta shrugged, "I just never thought about doing anything else."

"Liar! From the day you were born you've wanted to take over your family's business." Annie retaliated. "You've got so much potential to be a pediatrician like you wanted to do a few years back."

"Annie, I promise if the enlisting office doesn't take me, I'll become a pediatrician." Peeta promised stealing one of Finnick's shots and tossing it back with ease.

"That's my best friend." Finnick laughed.

My phone rang then with Madges tone. She was my best girl friend back at home. She was studying abroad in Europe for the year. It must have been eight o'clock in the morning her time.

_"Hello." _I picked up, figuring Annie and Finnick were still talking to Peeta.

_"Hey Kat!" _Leave it to Madge to put a smile on your face through the phone.

_"What's up?"_

_"Paris is awesome! How's the new job?"_

_"I'm at a bar in Seattle. How well do you think it's going?"_

_"Damn you're drinking!?"_

_"Not really"_ I said the moment my drink landed in front of me.

_"Don't get too crazy... Are there any cute boys?"_

_"Madge!"_

_"What? I've never been to Seattle."_

I sighed_ "Yep"_

Madge was laughing uncontrollably from the other side of the phone _"God I miss you."_

_"Miss you too."_

_"Hey, we should plan a meet up."_

_"For your Christmas break?"_

_"Yeah you could fly back to Montana for a week. It will be awesome."_

_"Christmas will be just like the old days." _Though I knew the holidays would never be the same. Not since all those things happened... Plus that Christmas, something would change me, and my whole town forever.

_"Hell yeah!"_

_"I'll talk to you later okay? I'm at a party and have to down ten beers."_

_"Wait what!?"_

_"Bye!"_ I hung up the phone and laughed to myself before looking at the other people around the table. Faces contorted with confusion stared at me. "French was my minor." I said.

"You're bilingual?" Finnick asked.

"Yeah." I said.

"Who was that?" Annie asked.

"A friend of mine, she's studying abroad right now."

"Oh where?"

"All over Europe really." I responded as the blonde boy looked at me intently.

"Finn! Annie come over here real quick!" I think Johanna had called out.

"Sorry, be back soon okay?" Annie said politely as Finnick shoved his way through the crowd.

I swirled my drink afraid to try liquor for the first time.

"Sorry about my friend. He thinks he's the best thing to walk this Earth since Jesus Christ himself."

I nodded, "So what branch of the military are you joining?"

"Infantry. Hopefully I'll get into training by next year."

"Next year?"

"It takes a long time." He laughed.

"Well... Just know, I think it's brave, to want that kind of life." I said this because of Gale. He'd wanted to be part of the military way back when, but he was denied for some stupid reason like hereditary illness. I told him the same thing that I told Peeta.

Annie slid in beside me and started to conversation right off again, "So Katniss, tell us about yourself."

"Like what?"

"Family is always a good place to start." But with me that was the opposite. My family was full of crazies. Mostly unresolved emotions, and inner demons I didn't think I'd ever face. My family had a messy past, and asking about them was like a punch to the gut.

I chuckled slightly taking my first sip of alcohol ever. It was sweet and not half bad. "I don't feel like frightening you good people just yet." I took another sip of the sweet red drink.

"Secrets don't last long around here." Finnick smirked.

I simply shrugged in response, "Too bad." Finnick acquired a glint in his eye that yearned for discovery.

Yet the boy opposite me tried to read me. He looked into my face, searching for answers I'd planned on never giving. His curiosity would be my downfall.

"Katniss." Finnick pointed behind me. Looking back I saw the faces of my coworkers. My new boss and some of my coworkers I mentioned earlier held out ten beers.

Lord Jesus, was I fucked up the ass.

"You ready sweetheart?" My new boss asked.

"Sure," I responded, though I was anything but.

All ten beers were placed in front of me. As everyone gathered around. After just one beer I felt like throwing up every organ in my whole body. It almost hurt to drink it, and it made my heart hurt.

I wondered if my dad was watching me, and what he would think... But then I'd cry so I stopped thinking that.

Once the fourth beer was down, I felt intoxication take over. I was loopy, and my blood was relaxing my muscles.

After my eighth beer, I thought it wasn't so bad. I thought the taste was lost on my tongue. I then realized I must have been drunk because I thought beer turned off my taste buds.

I had actually done it. I had successfully chugged ten beers.

"Damn girl! That hasn't happened since I was new seven fucking years ago!" Johanna was laughing. Everyone congratulated me and welcomed me warmly. However, I was so fucking wasted when I tried to high-five someone I slapped myself.

"Are you okay?" Annie asked me.

"Did-... Did I... Did I ever tell you... That I've never drank alcohol until this moment?" I stuttered and watched in amusement as the room orbited me.

"A first timer?" One of the men... Who I'll be honest I was too drunk to remember the name of asked.

Annie put her hand on my fore arm, "Let's get you home yeah?"

My phone rang again at that moment, "Yellow?"

"Catnip, Madge told me you're at a bar." Gale and Madge were engaged at the time. He was taking care of my little sister, and planning a wedding. What a woman.

"Hey man what's... What is happening dude?"

"Catnip, give the phone to someone who is not alcoholically impaired." He sighed.

I just laughed, "Yeah man, you should meet my new friends... They think I'm hilarious!... They had me drink ten bears... I mean beers... I'm funny..." Then thunder crashed outside. "I think cats are falling from the sky... Meow... Meow..." I then smacked Annie's ear with my phone.

"Hello?... Yeah I'm going to take her home right now... Alright... Who?... She'll be fine... I'm Annie... I'll take care of her... Thanks Gale... Bye." Annie stood up and pulled me with her, "Peeta make sure Finnick keeps all his clothes on until I get back." Annie asked.

"Got it." He said before Annie led me to the car Finnick had driven me in.

"Katniss, who's Prim?" She asked softly.

I answered with a spacey, "Flowers... Flowers..."

"Um... Okay... Who's Gale then?"

"Wind. Like. Like the wind." I then blew air out and Annie simply nodded.

"Okay honey."

"Keep a secret for me. I don't drink because no good comes from drinking." At that point words just fell out of my mouth.

"Huh?" She asked.

"Alcohol, broke my family." Then I laughed my ass off. Why? To hell if I know.

"I'm so sorry." Annie said.

"Beer tastes like shit anyway."

"I'll talk to Finn later."

"It's cool man, it's cool..." We pulled up to my apartment complex.

"Will you be okay?" She asked me as I stumbled may way on to the side-walk. I'll be fine I thought of saying, I didn't say it though.

I got into my apartment, miraculously locked it, and somehow showered completely. After that things kind of went down hill though. I picked up my phone to see Annie had put her number in. After that strenuous activity I climbed into the hole, still naked and soaking wet.

That's how I learned about the absorbing power of the hole. As my body sunk deeper and deeper into the corpse of the mattress, I felt the water seep into it.

At about two in the morning I'd pissed myself. I was too fatigued to move, my muscles hurt, my head throbbed, and finally I vomited in bed before falling asleep.

When eight o'clock rolled around and my alarm went off my bed was both dry and showed no indication of the last nights occurrences.


	2. Chapter 2

**Peeta's POV**

Once Annie had left I felt completely and utterly entranced by that girl who, not five minutes ago, sat across the table from me. God... She was beautiful. And damn could she drink. That wasn't attractive... Just an observation.

Not even a minute alone with her and I felt something. What? I wasn't sure, but it took a whole beer for Annie to get back and break me away from my thoughts.

"Finnick!" Annie called him over to our table from tormenting Haymitch. Finnick drunk is like Finnick sober, only... Nope they're the same thing.

"Yes dear?" He asked sarcastically slipping next to her and kissing her.

"You know I hate your alcohol breath." Annie said.

"You don't hate anything about me honey." Which was undeniable, Annie and Finnick were truly in love.

"Keep telling yourself that." She said. "Anyway, we aren't bringing Katniss to bars anymore, understood?"

"Did she puke?" Finnick asked.

"No."

"Did she piss herself?"

"No."

"Did she throw things at people?"

"No."

"Did she sleep with anyone?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?" Finnick smirked in victory.

"She says alcohol broke her family." I thought about how peculiar this sounded. How a drunk person could say something like that was mind boggling. "So no more bars Finn."

"Sure, sure. Kiss me?" Annie gave in.

I looked at my phone, mom called me...Again. She'd spent the past month and a half trying to tell me not to enlist. But after what Katniss said, there was no way in hell I wasn't enlisting.

All my life I've wanted to do something worth while. Something good. And that's what I felt the army could do for me. Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to help in some way, and I could do just that through the army.

"Who was it?" Annie asked.

"My mom,"

"How is she?"

"Still flipping her shit." I said.

"You are her little baby Peeta."

"Don't ever say something like that ever again." I laughed.

"Peeta... Please, just think it through. Right now there's a war." Annie wasn't too keen on my decision to enlist either. She was like a sister to me, and while I appreciated that, I didn't need one more person telling me who not to be.

"Isn't that kind of the point of the army?"

"There are people dying Peeta."

"I know that very well." I said. "Isn't that the point of a war?"

"Just think this through, I know you're sensitive about what happened to Rye and all but don't let that decide your fate."

Rye had been killed in the terrorist attacks on nine eleven. He was just flying to a meeting and then he's dead... It hit me hard, my mom took it the worst. But I wanted to enlist long before that happened.

"Meanwhile back in the bar Finnick was getting wasted while his two best pals were bumming him the fuck out!" Finnick chimed in.

"Nice Finn." Annie sighed.

"Thank you darling." Finnick kissed his wife. They were dating way back in the eighth grade, when I was in sixth grade and still thought girls had cooties. Finnick was always like an older brother to me and a prominent part of my family. I think he's in all of our Christmas photo's actually, now that I think of it.

"Peeta when are you going to let Glimmer in your pants? She's about to sleep with Jeff out of desperation." Jo said sitting down next to me.

"Never" I said. Glimmer and I had dated back in high school. And yeah we'd had sex, but then there was rumor going around school she was trying to have a baby, and I dumped her. I think she's stalking me now.

"Ugh... Finnick please tell me the new girl is not a slut. I cannot handle another slut in the office."

"Oh she's not a slut," Annie answered.

"Praise Jesus." Johanna sighed leaning her head on my shoulder.

"Aren't you an atheist?" Finnick asked.

"Yeah, I'm also a lesbian what's your point?" She asked.

"Nothing." I said leaning my head on hers. Johanna was that friend, you weren't sure how you became friends with, and you're even more confused about why you were still friends. But come on you can't not love her.

"Don't get too comfortable lover boy. I don't want you turning me straight." I couldn't have even if I tried.

"I wouldn't take you anyway."

"Did you meet someone?" She sat up.

"Sort of." I responded.

"When?"

"Uh..."

"Oh Peeta, not my coworker." Finnick sighed.

"Damn Odair even drunk you seem sober." Johanna commented.

"Thank you, I try."

"Too hard." Annie laughed. Finnick kissed her after she said that.

My mom called again this time I picked up, "Hi mom."

"Hi Peeta, honey." I sighed waiting for her to start crying, "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you at a party?"

"I'm at Billy's with Finn."

"Oh tell him I say hi."

I sighed again, "Finnick mother says hello,"

Johanna stole my phone, "Hi Mrs. M, It's Johanna... I'm good... Haha... Yeah I'm keeping him in line, but it seems your son has a little crush-"

"Johanna!" I took the phone from her, "You're drunk leave!"

"Nuh! This is the place where you are accepted as a drunk."

"Sorry about that mom."

"It's fine honey..."

"Why did you call?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were doing well."

"Mom I live six hours away... And you called me yesterday."

"I know..."

"Mom?"

"It's just my baby is all grown up now... And I know you've always wanted to do something to help people, but please have pity on your mother."

"Mom-"

"Please Peeta, your father and I love you no matter what but please think about it."

I sighed, "Bye mom."

"Bye sweetheart, I love you."

"I love you too." I closed my phone and looked at my friends. "I should be getting home."

"Bye Peeta. Come by tomorrow?"

"Sure Annie." I went to my car and started driving. I watched the lights pass by as I headed to my house in suburban Seattle. The house used to be my grandmothers. When she passed my dad inherited it. He paid the bills on it while I went to school. Now I pay for the majority of it.

Dad refused to let me pay for the whole house until I got a real job. I was a park ranger back then, just until my papers had processed.

I had hoped that someday I'd raise my children there. Maybe, but if the army was going to take me that seemed like a slim chance.

I slept peacefully and drove over to Annie and Finnick's. For once the sun was shining in Seattle. The air was hot and humid, Annie and Finnick were opening up their pool for the party they were hosting.

"Peeta, what's up?" Finnick asked once he'd answered the door.

"The usual." I said.

"Good we don't need you changing on us." Finnick wrapped his arm around my neck.

"Peeta, can you come and help me out real quick?" Annie asked trying to take off the pool cover on her own. I went and helped her haul it out.

"So Johanna and the others will be over soon." Annie said, "I'll call Katniss later. I hope her hangover isn't too bad."

"She drank ten beers on her first time out, she'll be so hungover she'll still be drunk." Finnick said.

"So Peeta, how is your mom?" Annie asked as we set up a few more things.

"Crying as usual."

"The poor woman." Annie sighed, "I can't even imagine what it's like to go through that."

"Yeah at this rate she'll adopt Finnick and give him both mine and Rye's inheritance."

"Awesome!" Finnick laughed from the other room. "I love your mom Peeta."

"She loves you." I said.

"Honey don't encourage him." Annie kissed Finnick. At about noon Annie called up Katniss.

"Hi Katniss, how are you?" Annie smiled but then furrowed her brow, "You're what?... Grocery shopping?... Aren't you hungover?... Alright then." Finnick and I couldn't help laughing at the ridiculousness in Annie's tone. "Do you want us to drive you?... What do you mean you want to run?... It's ninety degrees... Katniss really?"

Again Finnick and I laughed our asses off. "Okay... Bye?"

"What was that?" Finnick asked.

"She's not hungover at all, she went grocery shopping!" We all laughed at this, "And now she's going to run over here."

"She's a keeper Odair." Cato smirked from behind us.

"You know it, but you can't have her you know that right?"

"Yes sir, wouldn't dream of it." Cato rolled his eyes, the arrogant little prick.

Thresh went and kicked Cato's ass so he fell into the pool. Rue ran up and high-fived him, in retaliation.

"Dude the hell?" Cato gasped. Clove walked over and said.

"It was your ass, it has a gravitational pull."

"Thanks bitch," Cato smiled climbing out of the pool.

"Welcome." Clove said running away. I watched from afar. Those two had been dating on and off the entire time I'd known them. I'd only hoped they'd get married before they hurt each other.

I watched the others jump in the pool and swim around until about three when Annie went to the front door.

Katniss walked out holding gym shorts and a tank top. She wore only a tiny bikini. Damn she was hot.

"Hey there" Finnick waved.

"Hi." She smiled slightly before sitting on the concrete.

"Looks a bit small don't you think?"

"I've had this since I was sixteen and don't ask why." She laughed. I wanted to know why.

"Aren't you tired?" Annie asked.

"Not really." Katniss responded. "I used to wake up at six every morning to keep the farm going. My body is a great filter."

"That sounds dirty." Johanna snuck up on us.

"How do you know it wasn't?" She asked.

"I would hope so." Johanna purred.

"Anyway, what's up?" Katniss asked.

"Nothing really." I responded. We made small talk for a couple minutes before Katniss's phone rang.

"Hello?... Hi baby," She cooed, "How are you?...That's good... Are you doing okay?... I miss you to baby... How's Lady?... Good, take good care of her... Tell him I said hi too... Go do your homework!... Bye baby." She hung up.

"Who was that?" Annie asked before I could. Did she have a boyfriend?

"Oh just my baby sister. Prim." Oh thank god.

"So that's Prim, who's Gale?"

"He's a friend of mine. He's watching Prim and the farm for me until I can sell it to him and bring Prim over here."

"What about your parents, shouldn't they be watching her?" Annie asked.

"Yeah, but my parents... Well parents are a sensitive topic." She shrugged, "Plus she's sixteen, I trust her just not that much. She's less like my sister and more like my kid."

"That's good Prim has a good role model." Annie smiled. Annie and Finnick had been trying for a baby for the past three years. No luck yet, I had felt bad for them, Annie really wanted a little baby.

"Not really." Katniss scoffed, "I'm not a great role model."

"What are talking about? You're bilingual, you have a master's degree, and are now working at a huge foreign policy annalistic company." I said.

"Yeah... I guess." She looked off into space for a moment. I couldn't help but look at her entranced face, so calm and at ease. But thinking hard about something. About what? I wanted to know so badly it hurt me.

"Time to swim." Finnick said lifting Katniss over his shoulder and chucking her into the pool.

Cato, Thresh, Finnick, Johanna, Glimmer, Rue, and I all got into the pool after her. As she tried to tackle Finnick I tried to figure out where she'd gotten those red marks on her arms from.

"Come on Annie Help me out!" Finnick laughed as Katniss shoved him across the pool.

"Sorry darling, I think you deserve this one." Annie smiled. Finnick instead turned around and cradled Katniss in his arms. He then proceeded to throw her at me.

How I caught her I may never know. But I was very thankful to hold her.

"Good catch man!" Cato called.

"Excuse me?" Clove asked. Cato shoved her under the water and wrestled her for a moment before both of them surfaced to make out.

"Peeta, put me down?" Katniss asked.

"Yeah." I said without thinking placing her on her feet. Her body felt amazing in my arms, I wanted to hold her forever.

As night fell, pizza was ordered and a fire was lit in the fire pit.

We all sat around joking, when Cato pulled out a guitar. "Who wants to play?"

"Not you honey." Johanna said, "I've heard him trust me, it's no good."

"Thanks." Cato narrowed his eyes.

"Not a compliment."

"Hand it over." Katniss sat up beside me.

"You play?" I asked.

"One song. I only know one song." She took the guitar and tuned it.

"Wait, will my ears bleed?" Johanna asked.

"Yes."

"Okay cool." Johanna laid back down so Katniss could start.

"When I find myself in times of trouble mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom let it be. And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be" I didn't hear the middle of the song because I had to stop to note one thing.

She had me in the palm of her hand, I was a goner and I hadn't known her for more than a day. But I knew I was in love with this girl who made everyone quiet. I was in love with this new girl from Montana whom I knew nothing about.

"And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me. Shine until tomorrow, let it be.  
"I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be.

"There will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be."

"Well I'll be damned." Johanna said.

"I'm not even sure how I learned that song I just kind of did." Katniss passed the guitar back to Cato.

As soon as it was all packed up, rain started to fall from the sky.

"Really?" Katniss asked.

"Welcome to Seattle kid." Thresh laughed.

"What a wonderful welcome." She said. We all ran inside the house. Once inside everyone slowly began to leave.

"You guys need help cleaning up?" I asked.

"Yeah thanks Peeta." Finnick said.

"Well later guys." Katniss said heading towards the door.

"You're leaving?" Annie asked.

"Yeah."

"You're going to walk home like that?" Annie asked.

"Yes?"

"Really? Let us take you."

"I'll be fine really."

"I'll take you." I volunteered.

"I don't want to burden you. I'll be fine really." She tried to get out the door but I was too quick.

I blocked the door from her so she had to look at me, "You clearly don't know this city very well yet."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you don't know much about city life yet, and that's okay."

"So what don't I know?" She dared me with a snarky smile.

I chuckled at her look, "You'll get raped looking like that so late at night, trust me." I smirked. She returned my look by biting her lower lip.

"Fine."

"Oh good, bye guys!" Annie called.

"Bye tell Finnick I'll see him at work on Monday." Katniss called back before I closed the door behind us.

We climbed into my car, "You live by the company right?"

"Yes." She answered.

"So how are you liking Washington?"

"Considering you just told me I'd get raped?"

"Well only at night." I corrected myself.

"And that makes it any better?" She laughed.

"A little." I responded.

"It's nothing like Montana, but I like it." She said.

"Yeah I get that." I said, "The weather is a turn off for most people."

"Oh I couldn't care less about a little bit of rain." She said.

After a brief bit of silence I spoke up, "So you have a sister?" She nodded, "What's she like?"

"She's my opposite. Sweet, kind, forgiving, adorable, and innocent."

"A sixteen year old innocent?" I laughed, Katniss was wrong, she was all of those things and more.

"Well, I mean as innocent as she can be."

"I get that."

"I'd do anything for her, including move to a whole new city to take care of her." Then I fell even more in love with her. "What about you do you have any siblings?"

"I had an older brother," I said without thinking. I was silent then thinking about Rye. About how unfair it was that he had to die and make my mom paranoid.

She must have noticed my use of the word had because these were the next words out of her mouth, "I had a mom and a dad once too." But nothing followed. We were both in silent mourning, neither of us knew what the other was mourning for, but we offered condolences in the silence.

I had wanted to know more about her once the silence was well set in, but I'd reached her run down apartment complex before I could find the words or the courage to speak up.

"Thanks Peeta." She climbed out of the car and ran to her apartment. I didn't move until she was inside. I watched her disappear into the shabby apartment complex.

I started driving back to Annie and Finnick's. I thought about that song she sang, and how my grandmother used to play that song for me on her old record player. I thought about how beautiful she looked and sounded.

I pulled into the drive way and walked in to help Annie and Finnick clean up. I started helping pick up their house, but was so distracted by the thought of her that I couldn't help much past the living room.

I couldn't stop questioning what happened to her. I couldn't help but wonder why anyone would hurt such a perfect person.

The whole way home I replayed that song in my head. And when I got home, I put it on as I fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Katniss's POV**

I had been positive my first day of work would be a terrifying experience. At the time that was my one legitimate fear.

Misplaced, I had misplaced my fears. I should have feared something I could have never foreseen... I should have feared then, but no, I feared my first day of work.

I'd woken early, showered, dressed, ate, and found myself in the rainy streets of Seattle. I tried to maneuver my way through the crowd and not run into umbrellas, however, the cluttered streets made that task difficult.

I'd made it to the office by eight thirty, half an hour before work started.

Rue stood at the front desk sorting through paper work. "Morning, Miss. Everdeen." She looked up and gave me a warm smile.

"Good morning." I replied shaking the water off my jacket and umbrella.

"Why are you here so early?" She asked.

"No reason in particular. Why are you here?"

"Interns start work at eight."

"Oh, don't let me distract you then."

"No actually I needed to talk to you, I have your cards back here. Come with me."

"Cards?" I asked as I followed behind her.

"Yes ma'am, your employee card, your elevator pass card, your computer clearance card, and your bilingual tag."

"Bilingual tag?"

"Some of our clients need an identifiable translator. Oh and a parking pass,"

"I won't be needing one of those." I said coolly.

"Are you sure? I can give it to you now and you can put it somewhere safe."

"No really, I don't think a car is a practicality for me." I smiled to make her feel comfortable.

"Alright, you'll be on the... You know what I have time I'll show you." She led me to the elevator and punched in the number three. "Your first client is from D.C. He'll be talking to you about the economic set back of two thousand one.

"He's kind of hard to understand, and very old. Oh one more thing no cell phones when meeting with clients. Mr. Odair told me to make sure you gave me your phone."

I nodded pulling out my phone, "Is there anything I'll need to inform you of if someone calls."

"No but if my sister does call tell her I'll call back when I get off work."

"Yes ma'am." She said as we stepped off the elevator to my new office. This office would change me, and hold two of the best moments of my life. "The conference room is over here, that's where you'll be by ten, no later." The she took me into a joint office space. "This is yours and Finnick's office, I'm sure he'll be by soon."

"Thank you." I said before she left. She smiled back very warmly. I knew then we'd be close.

I took a seat and pulled out the laptop, I'd been using since I'd started my masters program. It was old, but it worked like a charm. I'd gotten it fixed before my move, duct tape isn't very professional for some reason.

I had an email from Cray, my bank manager. Though I hated the bank and all the damned pricks a part of it, Cray always tried to help me out when he could. My payment on the farm was due in a week. I'd be just fine.

I had always been just fine in finances. I had always been able to just make it on every payment. My dad loved that farm, I would do anything to keep it running.

Wide awake, I emailed Cray back with the link to my monthly payment. I emailed my old professor to tell her I was doing well and then I balanced my finances before Finnick walked in.

Downing coffee and looking fairly exhausted he sat in front of me.

"Morning sunshine." I commented, closing my internet.

"Don't talk to me until I've finished my coffee." He said. I didn't laugh though I really wanted to.

"Alright." I said opening the business files for the day's meeting. Johanna waltzed in not five minutes later. Her multicolored hair pulled back, looked ridiculous.

"Hey babies."

"Coffee." Finnick groaned.

"He's always like this." Johanna rolled her eyes, "Become a morning person, damn you!"

Finnick groaned again, "Shut up!"

"I don't think I will honey." Johanna smirked. "So kid, what's new with you?"

"Nothing I guess." I said sorting through the notes about our client.

"Boring."

"Sorry, I don't have much going on." I should have been more grateful for that.

"Jo can you do me a favor?" Finnick asked, "Go do your own work."

"I'm waiting for it to finalize. I'm a week ahead of schedule, bitch."

"Then go help Boggs, or Beetee. Just leave me be."

Johanna rolled her eyes and groaned. Later that day Finnick and I met with our client, everything went smoothly until about two o'clock when everyone seemed to have a caffeine crash.

I thought Thresh was actually dead until Cato threw a wad of paper at him waking him up.

Thresh didn't seem to thrilled but I was glad he was in the land of the living. I felt like the only person awake at the time until Haymitch got to our floor.

"The hell?" He asked looking around the office.

"Don't ask me." I shrugged.

"Well... Everdeen come with me. I have a job for you." I followed him up to the next floor.

"Hello." a cheery woman trilled the moment I stepped off the elevator.

"Hi?" I turned to a pink clad, smiling woman. She must have been thirty-three at the time.

"Sweetheart, this is my assistant Effie Trinket. Miss. Trinket this in Katniss Everdeen."

"Pleasure to meet you." She shook my hand.

"I don't think we met at the party last Friday did I?"

"Oh I don't go to those parties, so unprofessional. To drink in front of your boss, why that's absolutely absurd." Her accent was absurd.

"Oh, well nice to meet you." I said following Haymitch to a conference room.

"Listen sweetheart, I've got a client flying in from Lyon tomorrow, I'll need you to be here when she arrives."

"What's her name?"

"Bonnie. And she's bringing her little girl along, I think her name is Twill. They'll be in town for Tuesday and Wednesday morning. You'll take them to and from the airport as well as to and from their hotel." He leaned back, "It is to my understanding Bonnie only knows French so during the meeting you'll need to translate."

"Only one problem, I don't drive. I don't have a valid license in this state. Nor do I have a car."

"You'll use a company car. And besides, you only need a valid license if you get caught."

"Um, I haven't lived here for a week yet."

"You'll only need a map."

"But-"

"Great, back to work."

"Um-"

"See you tomorrow."

"But-... I-..." He was already gone before I could protest. In all honesty, I liked driving Bonnie and Twill around, they were very nice. Soft spoken, and opinionated as hell but nice.

The little girl was adorable, and though I had to follow them for two days, I didn't mind so much.

Come Thursday I'd be ready to have my life back. Prim had finished her summer school, taken only to get ahead, and was working on the farm more regularly.

Annie had called me on Wednesday, I asked her if she and Finnick would want to come to my apartment, to which she agreed.

I'd finally been able to go for a run through the woods. I hadn't gotten the chance to be outside in the open wilderness in so long, I forgot to follow a set path.

I didn't realize it until about six o'clock when night was close. I was embarrassingly lost. I wandered around for a while looking for a break in the trees when a park ranger found me.

"Hello?" I turned to look behind me. It was the boy who had drove me home from Annie and Finnick's.

"Hi..." I looked down in shame.

"Lost?"

Yes, "Not really..."

"The park is going to close soon, come on I'll take you back." I jogged up to his side, "Didn't you have work today?"

"Yeah, but I've been wanting to get out here for a while now."

"I see."

"It's lovely out here, nothing like home, but still." I said, "It's late isn't it?"

"Not really, I get off at seven."

"oh..." We made it back to the entrance of the park. "Hey, I'm having Annie and Finnick over tomorrow at about seen thirty. You can come by if you want." I don't know what possessed me then. I don't know what made those words come out of my mouth, but they did. I think it was fate, like I was always supposed to do that. However that isn't very practical of me is it?

"Yeah sure," Now his answer? That must have been fate.

"Great, see you tomorrow." I said heading back out onto the road to run home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Peeta's POV**

I couldn't believe Katniss had invited me to her house and that I had enough air to respond with actual words.

I was going to go to her house tomorrow. Friday night! July sixth 2002, is it creepy that I remember the exact date?

I guess that didn't matter so much. The date I mean, what happened there, now that is a story worth telling. I drove up to the apartment complex and locked all my belongings inside, as this side of town was rather... Untrustworthy. Though all of Seattle was rather untrustworthy in my opinion.

Finnick and Annie arrived right as I had. Together we embarked on the perilous journey up the stairs. Seriously I thought Annie was going to die when she stepped on one of the wire stairs and found it wasn't there.

Katniss stood on the balcony watching us with an amused smile.

"Are you making fun of me?" Finnick asked.

"Not at all." She laughed. "Come on."

Let me remind you, that, her apartment was one of the most interesting and most memorable places I have ever been.

But in that moment I was confused as to why she'd allow herself to live in a place that was falling apart at the seems.

"So, I've got the Game of Life, and a whole bottle of wine. Who wants to play?" She asked closing the door to the outside and walking into the kitchen area.

"Fuck yeah let's play!"

"Oh lord Jesus." Annie sighed.

"What?" Katniss asked.

"Finnick gets very competitive, very quickly." I responded.

"Oh this should be good." She commented. We set up the board on the floor of her living room and proceeded to empty the entire bottle of wine.

Finnick figured he was winning, even though he was a teacher and had a salary of fifty thousand dollars. "I spun a ten! Again! I'm on fire!"

"Ten thousand dollars please." Katniss laugh as she was the police officer.

"Catch me if you can!" Finnick shouted running around her apartment.

"Finn!" Annie burst out laughing.

"Sit your ass down!" I laughed with Annie. Katniss chased Finnick into her bedroom, where Annie and I followed with our alcohol.

Katniss managed to tackle Finnick to the bed. "I'm not drunk I promise." He said under her weight.

"I didn't think you were, but I also thought drunk you and sober you were the same."

"Maybe I am drunk, because I think we're sinking." Finnick said.

"Oh we are." Katniss laughed standing up. "This is the hole."

"Why is it called that?" I asked cautiously.

"Jump on my bed." She dared me.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, jump on my bed."

"Um... Okay?" Wine in hand I jumped up on her bed and fell down immediately.

"Oh my god Peeta are you okay!?" Annie asked out right.

"Yeah..."

"I think someone stole the springs." Katniss laughed.

"No kidding," I said taking a sip of wine.

"Oh Peeta, you got red wine on her bed." Annie said gesturing to a blotted line across the bed spread.

"Sorry Katniss."

"Oh that's another reason I call it the hole." She laughed, "Come back in an hour it'll be gone."

"No way," Finnick laughed.

"Yes way, and you owe me ten thousand dollars." She laughed as we headed back to her game.

She heated up a frozen pizza before we started another round when her phone went off.

"Hello?... Hi Cray, what is it?" She put her hand over the phone, "I'll be back in a minute." She said heading into the bathroom.

I watched her latch the door, and then I watched it swing open. She was crouched in front of her laptop... Weird, putting your laptop in the bathroom.

"What do you mean?... But I just did! Cray... What do you mean you did everything you could?"

Both Finnick and Annie stopped setting up another round of the Game of Life to listen in with me. I felt better knowing I'm not the only one eavesdropping.

"Put him on the damned phone!" She demanded, "Hello?... Yeah I'm mad... That's why you shouldn't be... No I'm sending it... We do have a problem! Shut up...

"No you listen to me you fucking cunt," I knew someone was absolutely screwed then if they had Katniss fuming like that, "I sent it, but that doesn't change the fact that you are a sick, greedy, no good, son of a bitch, and I hope you rot in hell like the rest of them. Give the phone back to Cray!"

Finnick and I exchanged fearful glances. An angry woman is something to fear, "Cray, I sent it but if they keep this up, I will send them to hell personally." She hung up then and cupped her face for a moment.

Then she looked up and saw us staring. "I should really fix this door." She laughed standing up and walking over to the couch. "So you heard all that right?"

We all nodded, "Fucking economy." She sighed plopping down on the couch.

"We all know the economy can go fuck itself Katniss. But what in the name of hell was that?" Finnick asked.

"Well you see, my dad took a bunch of loans out from the bank, back in '83, because the farm wasn't doing so well. He loved that farm more than anything. I've finally paid off most of the debt on it.

"But now the bank is getting down my throat trying to get me to pay it quicker. Even though the economy is finally getting better, they're still trying to cover their own asses.

"And they just called to raise this months payment. Technically I should be a month ahead of the game now, but they're a bunch of bastards and won't count it as another months payment."

"So what are you going to do?" Annie asked.

"Probably? Not eat for a week." She laughed, "Kidding it wasn't that bad, It's just a thing. A really fucking annoying thing."

"Can I ask a question?" I spoke up.

"Shoot." She said taking a sip of wine.

"Why is your computer in your bathroom?" Finnick cackled at my question.

"Because if it's in there, people will think it doesn't work. Therefore they will not steal it." Which was true, never once was her laptop or anything in her apartment stolen.

"That is genius! Annie we are putting all of our computers in out bathroom when we get home!"

"Do you see the ideas people put in his head?" Annie asked Katniss gesturing to Finnick.

"Oh guys! Come here!" Katniss said running back into her bedroom, "The hole has done it again." She laughed.

I felt right where I'd spilled my drink. Nothing remained not even a stain.

"Damn." I said.

"That's not possible... Ew. And you actually sleep on that?" Annie seemed appalled.

"Oh yeah of course. This is sick right?" Katniss laughed.

"Sick is right." Annie grimaced.

"Are you a wizard?" Finnick asked still laughing. "Can you enchant my bed to do that?"

Katniss and I laughed at this, "You caught me, I went to Hogwarts."

"Wicked!" Finnick laughed again.

"Alright lets see if I can win the Game of Life three times in a row."

"You are so on!" Finnick declared. Annie won that round. The next time I won, and the third time we cheated so Finnick could win.

It was perfect.


	5. Chapter 5

**Katniss POV**

So apparently it's tradition for all the girls in the office to go out shopping for Halloween costumes. That's why the first Saturday in October we all packed up and headed out to a local costume store.

The past two months had gone by smoothly. Every Friday was spent at Billy's with a margarita and a drunk Finnick. Normally Johanna, sometimes Annie and Peeta stopped by for a quick drink. Some of the others joined us at the bar but not normally.

Prim had gone back to school, Gale was running the farm well. Madge was doing just fine. Business was exceptional at the office. Everything was going according to plan.

That year Halloween fell on a Thursday but the whole office was on break for All Saints Day the Friday after. I believe Haymitch's exact words were, "I'm only religious if it means a long weekend and more whiskey."

Johanna had picked me up earlier that day, with Rue, and Ginger. Clove and Glimmer were coming separately.

"So this year I was thinking about being a beer girl-"

"Wasn't that what you were last year Jo?"

"No Ginger, last year I was beer."

"Oh yeah..." Ginger sighed, "My name is not Ginger by the way."

"I know, anyway, I was thinking instead since we've got a cowgirl on our team I could do that instead."

"That's fantastic." I said quietly.

"What about you Ginger?"

"I was thinking about being a fox this year."

"Always animals with you." Johanna laughed, "Rue?"

"I was thinking about being Artemis."

"Come again?" Johanna asked.

"The Greek Goddess genius." I said.

"Oh! Cool."

"Thanks" Rue smiled at me softly.

"How about you Katniss,"

"I honestly don't know." I said.

"When was the last time you went to a Halloween party?" Johanna asked.

"Well... I took my sister trick-or-treating until she was twelve."

"Oh my god." Johanna sighed. "Don't worry we'll find something."

I was scared then, like actually scared. We reached the store, and Johanna told me to sit in the dressing room to wait for her. I don't think a thing she came in with was actual clothing.

"Alright try on these."

"No way, no fucking way." I said going through her choices.

"What they're cute!"

"You see, um, sexy Christmas elves are not cute, they're disturbing!"

"Oh come on, you're the only one trying on anything. We all found our costumes already."

"Sexual kitten?" I asked reading off the label.

"Because your name is Katniss, like a cat."

"I draw the line at a 'double gum' wrapper dress." I said holding up one of the costumes.

"Alright that was Glimmers pick not mine." I sighed at her words, "Just have fun with it."

"And take off your clothes!" Clove yelled from over the dressing room curtain, "Johanna wants to see you naked."

"Get out I'll try one on." I shoved her back out and picked up the first one without looking. Sexy Minnie Mouse. Really?

I put it on and instantly lost what little respect for Minnie Mouse I had left. I stepped out reluctantly to let them laugh at me.

No laughter came though, "Damn girl, you are fit!" Johanna said.

"The hell does that mean?" I asked.

"It means you have abs that I want." Clove said.

"Thanks?"

"Just go with it." Ginger said.

"Look at her thighs." Johanna sighed. "Are you a runner?"

"Yeah?"

"Alright, I'm getting horny, get something else on."

"I said I'd try on one thing!"

"Oh come on you've got a killer body." Clove laughed, "You put Glimmer's to shame."

"Hey!"

"Shut up whore." Johanna said. "Try on the cat okay Katniss."

"ugh!" They made me do it. I put on the damned cat costume, that they didn't end up liking so much. Funny that.

You know what else they put me in? Sexy police, sexy cowgirl, sexy school girl, and finally sexy military girl. Needless to say I was not pleased.

"I think either Minnie or Army, what about you guys?" Johanna asked around when I was fully clothed.

"I don't know." Glimmer said, "Just so long as she's not the maid. I'm a French maid this year." She said that like I needed to know it. I didn't even try on a French maid costume.

"I say Minnie." Clove voted.

"Is it agreed?" Johanna asked.

"Do I get a vote?"

"No, you'll vote none." Damn it!

"It's agreed Minnie." Ginger smiled sympathetically. "If it makes you feel any better my first year they dressed me up as a half peeled banana. I couldn't breathe a week later."

I did feel better slightly. Until Annie called me, "Hi Annie, what's up?"

"I'm pregnant!" She shouted.

"Oww... I mean what!? That's crazy! I'm so happy for you."

"Oh my god I just got back from the doctors... Ah!"

"That's great Annie,"

"Where are you? Oh my god can you come over?"

"Yeah, I'm out with the other girls right now. I'll be over in an hour."

"Okay great. I'll see you in an hour okay?"

"Okay..." She hung up then.

"Annie called?" Clove asked over my shoulder.

"Yeah."

"Let me guess, either Finnick bought her a puppy or she's having a baby."

"How'd you guess?"

"Annie loves taking care of things. She wants to be everyone's mother."

"Oh."

"So she's going to be a mom?" Clove asked.

"Yeah."

Clove picked up little candy corn shoes, "Give these to her for me?"

"Sure." I nodded once we had paid for our things.

"Later player." She said getting in her car.

Johanna drove me home and from there I ran over to Annie and Finnick's. I brought my laptop with me because Prim told me she'd been working on getting some videos to me.

"Hi Annie." I greeted her with a hug, and gave her Cloves present. I sat on the couch and conversed with her and my sister simultaneously through web chat.

"Hey my sister's sending me a video." I said seeing the loading screen.

"Can I watch?"

"Sure." I said adjusting my laptop. Just then Finnick walked in with Peeta trailing behind.

"Hi Finn." Annie greeted. He immediately went and kissed her head.

"What're you guys watching?"

"Her sister's sending a video." The two took a seat to watch with me. A ten minute long video.

The video opened with me at a horseback competition in Tennessee. Doing my barrel race.

"We still have this?" I muttered under my breath.

"What is this?"

"I used to compete with my horse, Archer. This back when I was... I must have been eighteen."

Then the video changed to a training session in which I feel off my horse.

"You alright Catnip!?" Someone shouted from off camera in a heavy accent. Of course I knew it was Gale. He came running into view to help me up. There we had a moment of him putting his face close to mine. Close enough we'd kiss. That must have been when I was nineteen a year before we called it off.

"Why would she tape that?" I asked myself.

"Who's that?" Annie asked.

"He's my ex." I said as the video continued to a lengthy intimate moment.

"You both seem rather comfortable." Annie snickered.

"He's engaged to my best friend thank you very much. He's taking care of my baby sister."

"So that's Gale." I nod as the clip comes to an end.

"Primrose Everdeen you turn that damned thing off right now, you hear?" Oh god video me had an accent.

"Did you really sound like that?" Finnick asked.

"Shut your mouth!" I turned around to glare at him. Peeta sat with a tight smile and Finnick laughed hysterically.

Back to the video it was me at the camp we held over spring break.

"Oh god." I sighed.

"What?" Annie asked as a video of me with a two-year old on a horse popped up.

"This camp, oh god." I sighed again.

"Aw look at how cute he is." Annie cooed. Then he fell off the horse and I had to pick him up.

"I'm terrible with children." I said.

Video me brushed off the little boy and tried to get him to look at the camera his parents were holding. I tried to hand the little boy off to his parents but he wouldn't let go of my shirt.

"Aw he liked you." Annie laughed

"He was crying I am not good with little kids."

Video me bounced the little boy for a minute looking around cluelessly for a moment before deciding to hand him off to Prim who was holding the camera.

"Primrose," I hate my accent officially, "What did I tell you about that camera?"

"You have the best accent I've ever heard." Finnick laughed.

"Shut it." I huffed.

Then video me heard Primrose laughing, "Shut it young lady."

"Yes ma'am." Then the video ended with a caption from my sister. _Hope your new friends enjoy it sis._

"That little brat!" I said slamming my computer shut.

"I love your sister." Finnick said.

"So that's Gale."

"Yes, that is Gale." I said putting my laptop up.

"Tell me about him." Annie had a way of prying.

"He's marrying my best friend and he's watching over my sister while I'm gone. He's always been more like a brother than a boyfriend."

"Why'd you break up?"

"Well he wanted to stay in Montana forever where as I wanted to leave and never go back." I stood up to go to the restroom, "Now I have to ask this,"

"Shoot." Annie said.

"Y'all aren't gonna want me talking like this all the damn time now right?" I asked in the heaviest accent I could muster. Finnick keeled over and died on the floor as I left.

I walked back in to see Peeta and Finnick laying out on the couch with Annie.

"Did I win?" I asked

"Honey you won at life" Finnick responded.

"Coolness!" I sat down and reopened my computer. "Dear Prim... I hate you." I read aloud.

"You're the best sister ever." Annie commented.

"Thank you." I smiled.

"So you ride for competition?"

"I used to." I said in a clipped voice.

Prim responded to my message with an I love you?... Cray is over with the contractors again.

Contractors? "Oh damn!" I didn't mean to say that out loud. "I've got to go." I said quickly throwing one shoe on and stumbling out the door.

My phone rang in a quick moment as I began to make my way home. "Hello?"

"Katniss, It's me Cray."

"Yeah Prim told me you were... um... at the farm."

"Yeah, it's just for a re evaluation."

"You just did that six months ago."

"It's not my choice, it's the company's."

"Cray you can't keep doing this to me. I've got two mortgages along with these payments on the farm. I'm doing my best but seriously when are these extra things going to stop?"

"Soon kid, I need to get corporate off my ass. They're trying to get this farm out of their loan file."

"But you've been raising the prices."

"They know you can afford it, and they want it done with payment before the new year."

"Katniss!" I heard a shout from the street. Peeta in his car and pulled over by the side of the road.

"Give me a second Cray." I said walking over to Peeta.

"Need help?" He asked climbing out to help me with my crap.

"Yeah." He took my laptop and packed it away.

"Just make sure they don't burst another pipe before I get there."

"You're coming back?"

"For Christmas yeah."

"You need a lift?" Peeta asked me.

"I'll be fine." I said taking back my laptop.

"Shit boys calm down they're just horses!" Cray called out.

"What are they doing down there!?"

"They must not know what an animal looks like."

"Tell them that if they fuck with any of the mothers I'll fuck up their faces."

"I'll call you back in a bit okay?"

"Thanks Cray, bye." I hung up to see a snickering Peeta. "What are you laughing at?"

"You were talking on your shoe too." He smiled. Embarrassed I put on my shoe. "You sure you don't need a ride? I'm going into town anyway, it wouldn't be out-of-the-way."

"Alright." I agreed climbing into his car. "Where are you headed?"

"To the enlistment office to finalize some papers."

"Did they take you?"

"Not yet."

"Oh,"

"You know you're cute with kids."

"I'm cute with kids? No I'm bad with kids."

"So obviously if you're bad with kids, you'd have a summer camp for them."

"Clearly." I said, "I don't think you realize just how costly it is to run a horse farm."

"Your sister has a twisted sense of humor."

"Just a bit." I said, "But she's sixteen I'll give her a freebie."

"Hey Katniss, are you going to Billy's for Halloween?"

"Yeah actually... Are you?"

"Yeah, see you there then?" He asked pulling up to my apartment.

"Yeah... Thanks for the lift." I said running inside.

By the time Halloween rolled around I was just about done with the adult world of finances and politics. Work was hectic and payments on the farm were closer together. Halloween meant drinking and freedom to just hang out. I didn't even care that I was slutty Minnie I just wanted a drink.

Johanna and I stuck around watching drunken idiots table dive to their broken jaws.

Upon further inspection of the bar scene I found myself slightly afraid of accident anal. For those of you who don't know, that's what my friends and I called dancing at school dances.

The girl who wore short dresses and then bumped into a guys crotch. Yeah that's accident anal.

"Katniss?" I heard a voice from behind me.

I looked around and caught sight with two familiar blue eyes. "Peeta hi!"

He looked he up and down, "Wow... Um, I didn't expect that."

"Johanna picked it out. I'm supposed to be Minnie. But you know on Halloween you're supposed to be something you aren't. So I chose to be a slut."

"Not Minnie?"

"Who are you trying to kid Peeta, I'm clearly a slut." He laughed at that. "And who are you?" I asked looking at him suit. Which just looked like a suit.

"I'm James Bond."

"Alright then."

"Where is Johanna?"

"Oh, follow me." I said taking his hand leading him to my table.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Jo snickered at Peeta. "How do you like my baby?" She asked gesturing to me.

"It has Johanna written all over it." He said taking a seat.

"I'm not nearly drunk enough yet." Johanna said to the waiter who then brought back shot glasses and a bottle of tequila. "They just get me here." Johanna laughed.

"I'm sure that's it." I said laughing.

"Take shots with me." She demanded. She was already hindered, allowing me to easily toss my shots away, remaining sober enough to grip reality.

By the time Johanna decided she was drunk enough I got Peeta to give me his keys, since he too was a stuttering drunken fool.

Having the least alcohol intake and the lowest intoxication levels, I took the liberty of loading the two of them into Peeta's car.

"Now I don't have a legal license here but fuck it. I'm taking Haymitch's advice."

"Atta girl!" Johanna said before blacking out.

"Alright then." I said driving down the road. All those years of driving on dirt roads, really helps when there are drunk drivers, just saying.

I got Johanna into her house and changed by some miracle. I was driving Peeta to his house too when he sat up.

"Are you going to stay with me?" He asked slurring some words.

"No I'm taking you home and then I'm walking back to my apartment."

"But it's Halloween in Seattle,"

"Yeah and?"

"Don't do that you'll get hurt."

"I'll be fine I'm a tough girl." I said pulling up to his house. "Come on now." I said unloading him from his car.

"Can you take me upstairs?" He asked and so to appease him I did. I took him to his bedroom, I looked for a light switch when I felt his hand trace the lines of my face.

"You're beautiful Minnie."

"You're drunk." I said, "Where's the lights?"

"Lights kill the mood."

"What mood?"

"The one you're killing."

"Huh?"

"I'm in love with you."

"What!?" I asked as blush crept across my face.

"I am in love with you."

"But... But we've only known each other for what two-three months?"

"Love has no timeline. Now kiss me."

"What?" And just like that his lips press against mine, reeking of liquor and Halloween jello shots. But the worst part is I let it happen, I let him kiss me for a long while. Simply because I wanted too.

He then started taking his shirt off, which I put a stop to quickly. "Hey no... No, no..."

"Huh?"

"Peeta, no on the sex."

"Oh yeah I get it... You still need to express your feelings for me."

"Yeah that's it."

"Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you put on the CD player?" He asked completely stripping to his undergarments.

"Uh... Sure." I pressed play and the song I sang back in July began to play.

"I remember you singing that. It was perfect."

"Thanks Peeta, now sleep you're drunk."

"My grandma used to play that song for me and my brother Rye. Dad still plays it in the bakery back home because of her. Rye was killed on nine eleven..." I sat on the end of his bed, "They played it at his funeral. I know that it sounds crazy, but Jesus Christ sent you from heaven to sing me that song. He sent you to remind me of who I am."

"And who is that?" I asked him for the hell of it.

"I'm a strong, sexy, endearing individual who will win your heart. I'm a baker I'm physically fit, and I paint. I'm sort of every girls dream."

"Really?"

"Yes. And I swear some day Katniss Everdeen, I will put my babies in you."

"Good luck with that, now go to bed."

"Don't leave."

"Peeta, it's one in the morning I have to get home."

"Don't go out there by yourself, it's dangerous."

"I've seen a lot of shit in my lifetime Peeta."

"Just please stay with me tonight?"

"No Peeta, I'm going home."

"I'll follow you then!"

"Please don't."

"And-and-and! To scare away any potential thugs, I'll sing."

"Oh dear god." I sighed.

"Please don't go."

"... Well I don't have clothes and there is no conceivable way I can sleep in this."

"You can borrow my clothes."

"That's a bit creepy."

"You can use my shower and then you can sleep next to me."

I gave in unwillingly. "Fine,"

"My shirts and sweats are in the top drawer." I found them quickly, and made my way to the bathroom.

"If anyone in the office finds out about this I will know who to kill."

"My lips are sealed." He assured me.

"Yeah okay, go to sleep." I said hopping into his shower. Once I've changed I walked back out to his bedroom to find him still awake and smiling.

"I like you in my clothes, turns me on."

"Bed." I smiled, going down the stairs and locking the door. I got back upstairs to find him sitting up concerned.

"I thought you'd left."

"I told you I wouldn't now sleep."

"Yes mom."

"Are you saying your mother turns you on?"

"My mother is a beautiful woman."

"Alright." I said sitting on the corner of his bed.

"Come here."

"Why?"

"Lay with me." So I did, his bed was much more supportive than the hole had ever been. His arms wrapped around my waist instantly putting my senses on high alert.

"Slow down there."

"It's just a hug." He laughed.

"And your judgment is impaired."

"No, I'm just releasing who I really want to be without thinking and without considering consequences. I'm just being myself as I want to be and my god Katniss Everdeen I want to hold you." He smiled and laughed quietly.

"Go to sleep," I said again though not so desperately this time.

He kissed the back of my neck softly, "You can sleep too, because I'm not letting go for a long time." So against my better judgment I fell asleep. You know I consciously knew he was drunk, but part of me hoped he was coherent enough to say those things truthfully.


	6. Chapter 6

**Peeta's POV**

I woke up from a drunken nights sleep to find a warm body pressed against mine. I recognized her immediately.

"Oh my god!" I shouted. I had sex with Katniss.

"What? What is it?" She asked groggily. "Peeta you okay?"

"Did we-..."

"No."

"Huh?"

"What do you remember about last night?"

"... Not much."

"Where do your memories leave off?"

"About Johanna's house."

"Well I brought you home, and you refused to let me walk home-"

"You were actually drunk enough to want to walk home?"

"Actually I would do that sober, since I had to drive your drunk ass home."

"Fair enough continue."

"You wouldn't let me leave so I took a shower and some of your clothes and slept here."

"That's all?"

"Yeah I think... Oh yeah and that you want to put your babies in me." She gave a sly smile.

"Oh shit." I really said that?

"And you kissed me."

"I did what!?"

"It's okay you were drunk."

"Do you just let all the drunk guys do that to you?" I asked slightly angered, like I had been watching her with her ex boyfriend. I wondered if she'd really just let me kiss her because I was drunk, and how angry it made me to think of it.

"No! Peeta calm down."

"But I-"

"You didn't sleep with me or anything. You just told me you loved me." She looked down at the bed, "And you told me about your brother."

It was then that I noticed the CD player still running, "Oh..."

"But that was it... I think... Yeah I'm pretty sure of it."

"Alright..." I sighed, "I'm going to shower. You stay here okay?"

"Okay." She said, and after my five-minute shower I found her sitting on my bed in one of my favorite shirts and sweats. She made them my favorite articles of clothing.

"Why don't I make breakfast."

"Well alright but only because you owe me." That I truly did. Started to cook for her when she spoke up.

"You're kind of assertive when your drunk."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you were threatening to follow me home and sing all the way down the street if I tried to walk home."

"You know I think you left that detail out."

"Did I?" She asked with a smile.

"Yeah, you did."

"My bad. I'll give you your clothes after I've washed them okay?" Is it bad I didn't want her to wash them at the time?

"That seems fine." I responded. My phone rang then as I continued to cook. "Hello?"

"Welcome back to the land of the living!" Finnick laughed. That was the first Halloween he hadn't been drunk for in twelve years.

"Hey Finn."

"Annie and I are coming over in about an hour."

"Alright, cool see you then." I hung up and served breakfast for the two of us.

"I should really get going," Katniss said looking at the clock.

"Oh but Annie and Finnick are coming over."

"WHAT!?" She shouted standing up, "Oh my god, I've got to go!"

"What why?"

"You promised me... Oh wait... Never mind!" She said sprinting up the stairs.

"What did I promise you?"

"That no one would find out." She said frantically picking up her costume and running straight into my arms.

"Katniss calm down," I said pulling her back to get a good look at her, "It's okay."

"No it's not Peeta, I've never had sex with anyone I don't want people thinking I'm that slut who just sleeps with people."

"It's just Annie and Finnick they'll understand,"

"You'd be surprised by just how little some people can take." She said cryptically. As my friends normally do, Finnick and Annie tried to walk right on in. However Katniss had locked the door the previous night because we heard them knocking on my front door.

"My friends don't knock," I chuckled at the irony.

"Oh my god!" Katniss gasped.

"Did you lock my door?"

"Yeah,"

"I never lock my door." I said, "But um..."

"I'll go out the back way," She said quickly.

"There is no back way, just my backyard and a really high fence. Go through the garage."

"Okay!" She ran down the stairs in front of me. I led her to the garage door so she could wait for me to open it.

Knowing better I ran back inside to let Annie and Finnick in.

"Locked door? Must have been wasted right?" Finnick laughed.

"Yeah, it was crazy last night." I said.

"I'll say you left your car in the driveway." Annie chuckled.

"I'm actually going to put that in the garage, go on in."

"Alright." Annie said leading Finnick inside.

I ran out to my car and opened the garage. "See you later." I told Katniss as she ran out of the driveway.

I hopped out of my car and got back inside. I walked into my kitchen to see Annie and Finnick sitting at my breakfast table. The empty plates from breakfast remaining.

"Two Peeta?" Annie laughed.

"Uh, I'll clean those." Katniss really didn't want anyone to know. I'd make sure no one found out.

"Peeta did you have someone over?" Finnick asked. I clearly took to long to answer, "Or did someone spend the night?"

I didn't answer at all as I had the sink running, "You got laid didn't you?"

"What!? No! I didn't!"

"You so did, only you would cook your one night stand breakfast, I caught you!" Finnick laughed. "You got laid buddy!"

"I did not have sex last night, I swear!"

"Finn keep your voice down." Annie smiled.

"Look nothing happened last night I didn't sleep with anyone and that's that."

"Getting a little defensive so it must be someone I know." Finnick concluded, "You were at Billy's so it must be someone from work. You didn't sleep with Glimmer right?"

"Okay A I would not put myself through that again, even drunk. B she'd still be here if I had. C I didn't sleep with anyone last night."

"I bet you were so wasted you don't even know what happened. Who were you with last night I'll call them."

"Good luck, Jo passed out before I did." I said assuredly.

"Hm, I'm going investigating!"

"Slow down there tiger." Annie said, "Leave Peeta alone he looks distraught."

I sat down and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Are you okay?" Annie asked.

I was mortified, "I'm fine. What's up with you guys." I asked. We talked for an hour and a half, before my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but it had been put into my phone.

"Hello?" I picked up.

"Peeta?"

"Yes?"

"Hi,"

"Hi?"

"It's me,"

"Who?"

"Katniss."

"Oh hi," I tried not to seem too excited by her call.

"Are they still over?"

"Yeah they are." Annie and Finnick looked at me confused, so I got up to leave the room.

"Oh..."

"What's up? Did you get home okay?"

"Yes... I just... I wanted to talk about that thing that happened."

"The whole..." I trailed off as Annie and Finnick could still hear me talking.

"Yeah."

"What about it?"

"I... Just... Forget it."

"No what is it?"

"... Do you really love me?"

My eyes had to have grown, "What?"

"Oh my god... I shouldn't have... I'll hang up, sorry."

"No don't hang up." I could hear her breathing on the other line, clearly nervous.

"It's just last night you were so adamant that you were in love with me and I got scared and I just couldn't stop thinking about it and I'm sorry this is weird and god I'm such a creep."

"I do." I stopped her mid rant.

"What?"

"I think I really do."

"Oh thank god I'm not crazy... Wait you love me?"

"I think I do." I chuckled this time as the words left my mouth.

"Re-really?"

"Really. Look why don't we meet up later we can talk?"

"Okay, let's do that. My place at five?"

"Sure,"

"Don't tell them?" She begged.

"Promise." I said, I'd continue to promise her many things.

"Okay, Bye."

"Bye." I walked back out to see Annie and Finnick staring at me. "What?"

"Who was that? Annie asked.

"No one." I said.

"Really, didn't sound like no one." She raised an eyebrow.

"It wasn't anyone."

"So it was clearly the girl who slept with you." I glared at Finnick.

"What are you guys doing later?"

"Don't change the topic," Annie said.

"You know a friend of mine said that people around here have a way of prying."

"Who said that?" Finnick asked.

"Rue."

"You slept with innocent little Rue!?"

"No dumb ass!" I said. "God my neighbors must think I'm a freak." I said after yelling.

"I don't think they care, Peeta." Finnick assured me.

"Well good, so when are you guys leaving?"

"Not until you tell us who was on the phone."

"Fine it was my cousin." I thought up a quick lie.

"Your cousin?"

"Yeah he's coming by tonight with his wife, they're passing through town."

"Bull shit Peeta."

"I have somewhere to be at five so you'll have to leave by then."

"What are you doing at five?"

"The enlistment office sent some of my stuff on to DC." That hadn't happened yet but it would soon. "I have an appointment."

Annie sighed and looked at me, "Peeta," She sounded like crying.

"Annie what is it?" Finnick asked her moving close to her.

"You can't join the army Peeta." She sighed, "It's so dangerous."

"Annie, I'll be fine."

"Oh please Peeta. You couldn't hurt a fly, you won't make it in the army." Now that hurt. Like really hurt, imagine your sister, the one you love more than anything in this whole world. The sister you were best man for at her wedding, the prepicked godfather of her child, tells you that you won't make it in the one thing you've always wanted to do.

"Annie," I sighed angrily, "I'm not arguing about this anymore! It's done and over with my papers have been sent off and I have enlisted!" I grabbed my keys and stormed out of my own house.

At a loss of a place to go I ended up at Katniss's. She stood out on her rickety old wire balcony in the autumn rain. Her hair tied back in the braid I'd seen her wear the first night we met. She wore a white knit sweater that fell down her shoulder. I wanted to look at her longer, but I noticed, even from a distance, her teeth chattering. I walked up the stairs making the whole wire compound move, startling her.

"Peeta! What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Keeping you warm apparently." I said taking off my jacket and handing it to her.

"I'm fine... let's just go inside." She said leading me into the apartment. She walked into her bedroom and sat down on the bed. I followed close behind. She looked at me for a moment, with a rain splattered face and a soft look.

"So you wanted to talk?" She let out a breath I didn't know she'd been holding.

"Yeah... So last night, when you were kissed me... I didn't let you just kiss me because you were drunk. I let you kiss me because... Well, I didn't want you to be drunk." I don't think I can express how happy that made me. "And I thought that maybe, if you kissed me long enough it would be a real thing, not just me."

"Really?" I asked dreamily.

"Yeah, stupid right?"

"Not at all." I said so she would look at me. She had the cutest look of surprise on her face, "I like drunk me, he get's shit done."

"So... Does that mean...?"

"I'd like to kiss you again Katniss." I said with a smile. She blushed and tucked her hair back nervously. I took that as an invitation to kiss her cheek. She bit her lip and looked at me, to be honest that look she gave me was more sexually arousing than she was that Halloween.

She took my hand and I could tell she wasn't thinking, that her mind was a blank slate of emptiness. "Katniss?"

"Hm?"

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?" I asked before I lost my nerve.

"Yes," She whispered.

"You will?" I asked relieved.

"Yes," She said again before I let my arms take hold of her. I stuck my head in the crook of her neck and took in the scent of rain. I'd never loved the smell of rain so much.

That was how we started out together, how wonderful and innocent we were. Just children then it seems. Compared to the now, we were just children.


	7. Chapter 7

**Katniss POV**

Going into the office the Monday after Halloween was awkward. Finnick was talking about how he just knew Peeta had slept with someone on Halloween. Clove jokingly said it was her, Glimmer was furious, and I kept my distance the entire day working on a teleconference with a South Korean economist.

I just knew when I was done with my meeting I'd get an earful. But sitting there I wondered if Peeta had told him and if he was planning on it.

I didn't dwell on it for too long as I was working, but the thought kept coming back all day. Even as I was turning off the lights in my office after working overtime.

Rue sat in the front waiting for me to hand me back my cell phone.

"Your sister called, and so did Finnick's friend." She said.

"Thanks Rue, see you tomorrow."

"You two are dating right?" She asked me suddenly.

"Who?"

"You and Finnick's friend."

"Who told you?"

"When he called he told me."

"He's been telling people!?"

"Oh no he said I'm the first to know."

"Well, yes we are."

She chuckled, "That's so cute, but Finnick will kill him."

"Really?" Rue nodded.

"Night Katniss, see you tomorrow." I called Prim on my way home. She told me that the farm was doing well, and that Gale wanted to talk about the wedding when I flew back for Christmas.

I called Peeta next, "Hello?" He answered.

"So Rue knows, who else?"

"No one promise."

"Can I tell Finnick?"

"You... You want to?"

"I have a plan," I smiled mischievously. He could tell through the phone.

"Then you get to tell him. Hey I was wondering, are you doing anything for Thanksgiving?"

I had been planning on a microwave meal and a book, "No why?"

"Well, you know my mom doesn't want me enlisting right?"

"Yeah,"

"And at Thanksgiving she'll just cry unless you come."

"So you want me to distract her from you?"

"Kind of,"

"Alright, but under one condition."

"What?"

"I won't have to give her my life story."

"Deal." I could hear his smile perfectly.

"See you on Friday okay?"

"Friday." I hung up and went straight to bed plotting to tell Finnick I was dating his best friend.

The next day I was stuck faxing some papers over seas to one of Haymitch's clients.

I was grabbing more papers to be faxed from Boggs when I heard Finnick's voice.

"I just don't get why he won't tell me who he had sex with." Finnick complained to the entire office.

"Maybe he wanted to torture us." Boggs turned and eyed Finnick. "With you never shutting up."

"Boggs he doesn't shut up normally." Ginger said signing something. Beetee let out a laugh as he tinkered with one of the broken computers.

"I'm just saying."

"Yeah well you've been just saying things for the past day and a half." Glimmer sighed.

"Why do you care about the guys love life anyway?" Clove asked.

"I care about all of you guys!" Finnick said deeply offended.

"No kidding" Cato laughed.

"I do." He said. Thresh sat back watching the conversation with an amused smile.

"Is that all Boggs?" I asked gathering the few papers.

"Yeah thanks Katniss." He said turning back to his work.

"I just want to know who my best friend was being a slut around!"

"Hey!" I said to him, "Don't talk about my boyfriend like that." Then I turned and walked into the faxing room. The look on his face was priceless and very worth it.

After faxing Boggs' papers I lingered for a moment or two before stepping out. I had a lunch meeting with one of my clients and Finnick.

Walking out into the office I could feel eyes staring at me, but I chose to ignore them. Instead I walked calmly over to the elevator where Finnick stopped me.

"Boyfriend!? BOYFRIEND!"

"Yes genius," I said pressing the button around him, "And no we didn't have sex, he was so drunk he wouldn't let me walk home so I stayed overnight. Get your head out of the gutter." I said getting around him and into the elevator. "Now come on we have a lunch date."

"With him!?"

"No the client remember," I said yanking him in with me.

"So how long have you...?"

"Since Friday."

"And you didn't have sex?"

"Do I look stupid or am I stupid?"

"No, no... I'm just shocked is all."

"Why?"

"I don't know I've never really seen Peeta with someone like you."

"Someone like me?"

"Well yeah, you're kind of closed off, a bit subdue, and oddly good at keeping secrets."

"What is with the people of Seattle wanting to know my secrets?"

"When someone is good at keeping secrets it means they've got a good story." He said with a sly smile.

"Why don't you see me with Peeta?"

"Because, he's an open book, outgoing, charming, charismatic, and terrible at keeping secrets." We reached the ground floor and made it to our appointment.

When we got back in the elevator, Finnick told me this, "You know you aren't allowed to break up with him right?"

"Huh?"

"Because he's my best friend, he comes before business." I felt so threatened then that I had to take a moment before answering. "If you hurt him, I may just pull a few strings to get you removed from this office."

"It hasn't been a week yet calm yourself."

"I won't deal with my partner messing around with my best friend okay? Don't play games."

"Okay." I said as the elevator doors opened and he exited in front of me. I was afraid. I knew that fear would be a trigger. I just knew it. I hadn't felt so threatened in years. Not since she...

I stumbled out of the elevator more dramatically than I would have liked to as the memory came back. The cause of my night terrors, that woman entered my mind. Only when I felt threatened were those memories drawn up. Did he know that? Could he have known that?

The one thing that terrifies me even to this day. Why did he bring back the memory? Why did he do that?

"Katniss are you okay?" He asked in a changed tone flipping from intimidation to fear without missing a beat.

"I'm fine." I said placing my hands on my arms. I had to cover my scars both mental and physical. I couldn't allow myself the memory.

Johanna and Boggs got up from their desks and came to me. I backed away gripping my arms tighter and tighter. I fought the memory back so hard tears brimmed in my eyes. I hit the wall with a literal thud, just like she had done to me all those years ago.

"Katniss what's happening?" Johanna asked.

"Trigger... Just... Just a trigger... I'll be okay." I got out between clenched teeth.

"Trigger?" Boggs asked. "She has triggers?" Boggs put his hands over mine. Rough just like hers had been. Just like her hands had been.

"Let go." I begged him, "Let go. Let go!" His hands flew off my arms in a moment.

"Clove get Haymitch." Ginger said.

"Should I call 911?" Thresh asked nearing us.

"I'm fine it's just a trigger..." I said, I just kept saying that. It was only a trigger. "I'm fine." But in a moment I wasn't, because the memory was there.

"Are you sure Katniss?" I think Glimmer asked it, but it wasn't Glimmer it was my mom.

"Don't hurt Prim." I said, "Just come back to me and everything will be okay." I needed my mother back on planet Earth. She couldn't get sucked back into the vortex she was in almost constantly. Now she was going to hurt me.

"Who's Prim?" Beetee asked.

"Her sister." Finnick answered, "Katniss look at me,"

I closed my eyes. "Prim..." I groaned remembering the pain.

"What happened?" A new voice joined the darkness, I figured it was Haymitch's.

The memory was almost over, just a few more seconds of torture and I'd be okay.

"Sweetheart, where are you?" He asked. That's what the police officer called me. Sweetheart, I was only sixteen then. Sweetheart, I was too young then. Sweetheart, will you be okay sweetheart? Sweetheart.

"I can take care of her, don't take her away." I said.

"You're okay." Haymitch said.

"I can take care of her I promise just keep that woman away from us let me keep her please."

"Katniss wake up. You're in the office, nothing bad is happening." Haymitch said again. He was the only one who knew a bit of my predicament. He knew I had triggers he just didn't know why or what caused them.

I opened my eyes and gasped for breath, my arms were white from my grip. I moved my hand to my head. As always I forgot what had happened a few minutes before the memories.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Something triggered you, but you're fine now." Haymitch said. At the time I had wanted to ask am I now? Really am I?

I was shaking and felt the familiarity of chills run down my spine. My heart slowed and my eyes dried quickly. I had gotten better, two years prior I would have been unconscious in a matter of moments.

"I'm sending you home." Haymitch concluded.

"I'm fine-"

"No Sweetheart. Go home," He said. "You have someone to take you home? I don't want you walking."

"I'll call someone." Finnick said. Taking me into our office. He sat me down, made sure I was stable, and then dialed the phone, "Peeta, you free? I need you to do me a favor, can you take Katniss home? Yeah she's sick. Thanks pal. And by the way remind me to punch you for dating her."

Finnick walked over to me watching me like a hawk, "I don't have a good tolerance for threats..." I answered his unspoken question. "They hurt..." I could feel how pale my face was, it was an improvement from before.

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't know." I said. "Finnick... Not all people have good stories." I said looking him dead in the eye. There was a flicker of fear in his own eyes. Afraid of me huh?

"Did you get a ride for her?" Haymitch asked checking in on us.

"Yeah, he's on his way."

"Let's get her down stairs okay?" Haymitch said exiting the office.

"Come on Katniss." Finnick said putting an arm around me.

"I can walk." I said in a shaky voice. I stood up and stumbled only slight as my blood tried to figure out where to go.

"Really?" He smiled, but I did not return the look. My last attack was a bit over a year ago, and then I'd almost thrown up. "I feel bad." He said helping me walk.

I did not answer him, I was shaking and cold like always after an attack.

I was sat down in the main lobby, my phone and laptop handed to me. They rested across my lap. I ran my hands along them, to make sure they were my own. Something about those memories was that I could never feel anything around me.

Finnick had his hand on my shoulder almost afraid for me. Or maybe of me.

"Katniss," I heard Peeta enter the room concern filled my ears, and then there were hands on my arms. They were not her hands, "Come on Katniss, I'm taking you home."

I stared at him for a moment before speaking, "Right... Home."

"Let's go." He said helping me stand. "Rue can you get her in my car?" He asked.

Rue nodded and took me firmly by the arms and placed me in the car.

"Get better Katniss." She said in a small voice.

"Thank you." I said as the car door closed.

I looked at my phone just as it rang with Prim's tone. "Prim?"

"Hi Kat, I didn't think you'd pick up actually."

"I got out early." I said.

"I wanted to quickly ask, when are you coming home?"

"For Christmas." I said, "The twenty-third."

"Okay, thanks Kat bye."

"Bye... Prim?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Katniss. Bye."

"Bye." She was real. My baby sister was alive and well.

Peeta was talking to Finnick. I looked over and knew they were talking about my trigger.

I took deep breaths thinking about Archer. Thinking about riding him through the open mountain trails of Montana. How I loved riding him.

Peeta got into the car and watched me feel my laptop for a few moments. "Katniss?"

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?"

"What did Finnick tell you?"

"Not much."

"..." He started driving during my silence. "I only get attacks when I feel threatened... They surface old... old memories that still haunt me. And I can't get rid of them so they have to play out and... Sometimes they make me like this. This is the first time in a year it's happened." My hands traveled up my cold arms.

"I'll talk to him. Okay? He shouldn't have said those things. It's alright Katniss." And he was right. I just didn't know how well I believed him. "You'll be alright." Though that was bull shit.

I didn't say anything the rest of the car ride home. I tried to get out on my own, but Peeta came around and walked me up to my room and stood in the door way with me.

'This is my home now. Not that place. This is where I belong' I had told myself this for a moment before Peeta moved me to the couch.

He went back out and locked him car before coming back in and closing the door.

"You're shaking." He said.

"I'm always cold after..." He went and pulled a blanket out from my only closet. He draped it across my body and held me.

"You don't have to stay." I said after a moment. All he did was kiss my head. He was fine right there. So I fell asleep in his arms.

My phone ringing woke me. "Hello?" I answered as Peeta rubbed his eyes.

"Katniss, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Annie,"

"I could just kill Finnick for doing that to you."

"Everything's fine Annie."

"I just wanted to make sure."

"Thank you."

"Are you alone? I could come by real quick."

"No I'm not alone, Peeta's here."

"I think I'll drop by anyway."

"Don't go out of your way to-"

"I'll be there in half an hour honey." Then she hung up.

"I think I'm going to shower." I said. Peeta nodded sleepily, so I kissed his forehead before leaving.

I'd stepped out of the shower to look at a ghostly figure of a girl. The only thing with color was my bright red scars. I rubbed my arms subconsciously I sometimes remember how much it hurt to get them. But normally I didn't dwell on it.

I changed quickly and walked back out to see Peeta stretching by the couch. I walked over and wrapped my arms around his neck. He let his hands take hold of my waist. He then rocked me back and forth rubbing the small of my back.

"Thank you." I whispered before kissing him. I hadn't been held in years at that point in time. He just leaned his forehead on mine, until we heard a knock at the door.

I answered to find Annie standing in front of me. "Hi sweetie." She said hugging me. I was just a charity case to her then... "Hi Peeta."

"Hi Annie." He greeted her, I felt really spacy when Annie walked in. She and Peeta talked for a bit and I think at one point they asked me a few questions I didn't answer because I heard a loud, "Katniss!"

"Huh!?" I looked around.

"Are you alright?" Annie asked. I nodded.

"Tired." I said.

"Did you eat?" She asked. Did I? I couldn't remember.

"I'm not really hungry Annie." I stood up and went to my bedroom. I curled up under my covers and fell asleep.

The next day at work was hesitant, everyone was afraid to set me off after what had happened. After about a week everyone was back to their normal selves. I enjoyed the normalcy. I liked it better than caution.

The next weeks are calm and uneventful. Peeta and I grew closer in our relationship, work was fine, and all seemed smooth.

We all got the week of Thanksgiving off. Peeta and I were driving up to his parents house for the weekend.

We climbed into his car and laughed the entire drive. It was late when we arrived Tuesday night. That was when I met his mom and dad.

"You nervous?"

"Not really." I laughed.

"Let's go." He put his arm around me as he knocked on the door.

"Hi Peeta." His mother answered the door and hugged him, "And Katniss." She smiled and hugged me too, "I've heard so much about you." She said.

"I hope not too much." I laughed.

"Come on in." She said leading us inside. It was a small house, Peeta said it wasn't the home he grew up in, but that his parents bought it when he went to college.

"Hey dad." Peeta said greeting his father in the kitchen.

"Peeta!" His father turned from the stoves to hug him.

"Dad this is Katniss." He said to the kind faced old man.

"Katniss, nice to meet you." I shook his father's large hand quickly. "Dinner's about ready if you want to take a seat."

"Dad owns a bakery in town." Peeta informed, "I'll take you by if you like Katniss." I nodded and smiled. We all sat around the table for dinner.

I sat between Peeta's father and Peeta. When they all held out their hands, I took them but looked around curiously for a moment.

They said a prayer and then began to eat, "So Katniss Peeta tells me you work at the corporation with Finnick."

"Yes ma'am." I said.

"I think it's wonderful how close they are, there."

"I think so too." I smiled.

"Peeta tells us you're not from here."

"That's right." I said, "I was born by Fort Peck, Montana. Really close to Canada"

"Oh I hear it's lovely up there." She said.

"It is, especially in the fall when all the trees lose their leaves."

"So what do your parents do? Do they still live up there?"

I paused, "In a way I suppose... My father passed away when I was fourteen."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, was he ill?"

I stopped for a moment, "No ma'am."

"It was sudden?"

"Extremely. Broke my mother in half. My father left me his estate so now I run the family horse farm."

"Your mother didn't receive it?"

"My mother... Is obsolete." I said as Prim's tone went off on my phone, "And that's my baby." I said without thinking. I quickly turned off my phone.

"Excuse me... Your what?"

"My little sister, she's practically my child." I saw Mrs. Mellark take a breath after I said that, "My little sister is sixteen, she still lives in Montana on our farm while I work here."

"Working two jobs?"

"Yes." I answered. The rest of dinner I avoided difficult topics. The next day Mr. Mellark took Peeta and I to his bakery where I met other townsfolk from Peeta's childhood. Peeta seemed embarrassed when some people showed me old photos of him but I enjoyed it endlessly.

The next day was Thanksgiving, Peeta and I woke up and sat down in the kitchen while his parents cooked.

"Peeta do you have a football?" I asked.

"Why?" He asked with a smile.

Happy memories filled my head, "I used to play with my entire town every year on Thanksgiving."

"The whole town?" Mr. M asked.

I smiled brightly, "Back in my home town everyone gets together for Thanksgiving at my farm. My grandpa started it as a tradition.

"We set the kids loose in the training circle of my farm. Sometimes we'll put little bunnies and have arts and crafts for them, while the moms cook.

"The teenagers and anyone who wants to play have this huge football game in one of the clearings of the forest near the farm.

"And then before dinner we have this huge glass bowel where you put your car keys with a label on them so if you got drunk we could drive you home.

"Then we put out a long table and you sit in order of age so you are always by classmates.

"Earlier in the morning all the men and some women go out and hunt for turkey. Then at dinner the oldest of us gets to carve the turkey.

"After the turkey is all carved the little ones sing a song they'd learn in Sunday school, and that's our prayer before dinner.

"Once dinner is all over we sit outside and watch the stars, the last couple of years I took a few people up on horseback through the mountain trails to the top. Each time we made it at midnight.

"The next day is clean up, and the whole town comes over to help out. Then right away we set up Christmas. Lights, and trees, even Santa. We don't have a mall close by so every Saturday leading up to Christmas we have a Santa sitting in between the trees." I looked down smiling at the thought.

All the happy years, and no matter what we never failed to have those things. Not even the year my dad died. "I kind of got off topic sorry." I laughed.

"That sounds awesome." Peeta said, "Next year we're going to your place for Thanksgiving."

"We have a football." Mr. M said leaving the warm kitchen.

"Glad you think so." I said putting an arm around Peeta.

"Who's doing all that this year?"

"Gale and my sister." I said, "But if we go next year it'll be all me."

"All by yourself?"

"Oh lord yes," Mr. M came back quickly and held up an older looking football. "Front yard or back?" I asked.

"Front" Peeta answered yanking me to the front yard.

Mr. M had a good arm, and so did Peeta. Some of the kids on the block saw us playing and joined, even a few teens joined in. Some fathers sat by and watched as their sons played with us.

Peeta caught the ball with ease after a quite terrible throw from a ten-year old, I started laughing, "What?" Peeta asked gripping the ball.

"Have you played before?"

"What football? I was only on my high school football team that went to state, thank you." He said throwing the ball incredibly hard. I still managed to catch it.

"Alright." I said chucking the ball across the yard and hitting his stomach. I ran over to him still laughing, "Are you okay?" I asked as he lay on the ground.

"Are you laughing?"

"I'm not that worried." I shrugged.

"Thanks baby." He said sarcastically as I helped him up.

"It's called tough love, where I come from." I said stealing away the ball and running before passing the ball to Mr. M.

Peeta caught up with me and picked me up from behind. He kissed the back of my jaw startling me just a bit.

"Well I'll be damned, is that you Mr. Mellark playing football?" One of the neighbors asked.

"Yes it is Mrs. Wood." Peeta responded.

"Is that my husband?" Mrs. M laughed walking out of the house in enough time to see Mr. M get tackled.

I laughed too. Dinner was nice, and so was Black Friday shopping with Mrs. M. I got Peeta a new wallet and watch for almost nothing as a Christmas gift. I got a few other people gifts. Madge, Gale, and of course Prim.

Mrs. M and I were driving back to her house when she said, "I haven't laughed like this since... Well since my own family tragedy."

I looked down at my hands, "Peeta told me about your son Mrs. M. My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love.

"Trust me I've lost a lot of people in my life. But my dad once told me, 'the more people you lose, the more people you love. Because we meet the best of people in the hardest of times.'" She smiled at me.

"I hope you're right." She said driving us back. I would need to hope the was right in the coming month.


	8. Chapter 8

**Peeta POV**

We were going on a date right before she'd leave for Montana. Sunday December twenty-second 2002, the last day I saw her unharmed. The last day I wasn't worried about her.

"Hey," She smiled climbing into my car.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked observing her dress and thin jacket. There was no way in hell she wasn't freezing.

"I'm from Montana." She laughed, "I used to ride in weather worse than this." She gestured to the light snowfall outside.

"Take my jacket," I told her, however she persisted.

"No, it's warm in the car." She said. "Let's just go."

"Alright." I said getting on the road to the restaurant. "So how's Finnick?" I may have been off work but I still got paid in the winter time. It was kind of like paid leave, only my office just claimed I went to work. Thinking back on it I'm almost positive it was illegal... Anyway.

"Freaking out about the whole becoming a father thing." She laughed.

"That's my best friend." I laughed.

"He's such a girl."

"Yeah he really is."

"Did Annie tell you what they're having yet?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Finnick wants it to be a secret from the office."

"It's a boy."

"Aw, that's so cute. A little mama's boy for Annie." She sat back and laughed slightly "Are you excited about Christmas?" She asked.

"I'm not excited that you won't be here, but yes I'm pretty happy."

"Tell Finnick and Annie I'm sorry for the millionth time that I won't make it." Even that sorry would not make up for it. Because had she made it to that damned Christmas party, she'd have been safe.

"I will promise." I assured her turning a corner.

"Oh Peeta." She reached into her purse and pulled out a wrapped gift. "Merry Christmas."

"You didn't have to."

"Whatever, I did it anyway." She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Don't open it until Christmas."

"Alright." I said as she put it in the back seat, "You ready?" I asked pulling into the restaurant.

"Yep. "

Dinner was nice and calm. We talked and ate. I wish I remembered what we talked about then, just so I could remember more from our first few months together.

When we got back in the car mom called me, "Hello?"

"Hi honey."

"Hi mom."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm on a date with Katniss."

"Oh is she there?"

I put her on speaker, "Katniss say hi."

"Hi Mrs. M."

"Hi Katniss, how are you?"

"I'm well thank you."

"I just want to thank you for the flowers you sent us for Christmas, they're really lovely."

"No problem." Katniss laughed. I still love it when she blushes.

"Peeta honey are you coming down for Christmas with Katniss this year?"

"No she's flying out to Montana for Christmas to spend it with her sister."

"Oh well have a good flight Katniss."

"Thank you Mrs. M, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too dear."

I turned my phone back to talk, "So mom what's up?"

"I was just calling to see if the office called yet."

"Not until after New Years mom."

"Alright honey goodnight. Have fun with Katniss."

"Night mom." I hung up and began to drive.

"I like your mom she's sweet."

"I've been told." I said. My curiosity then got the better of me. I still am not sure if this was good or not, but it happened, "What about your mom Katniss?"

"What about her?" She asked wearily.

"I mean why don't you ever talk about her?"

"It's a sensitive topic Peeta." She sighed.

"Okay what about your dad? Or your home?"

"I don't want to talk about that Peeta, I'm sorry those are just things I'm just not ready to talk about."

"Well, when will you be?"

"Excuse me?"

"Katniss you haven't explained anything about that panic attack back in November. I'm just concerned." I really was and I wanted to know she was safe. She wasn't. She wasn't safe at all. Had I just known that then... Maybe something would have changed.

"I'm not talking about this."

"Why won't you let me in?"

"Why?"

"Yes! Why are you so afraid of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Then what are you?"

"My heart is a cold hostile place, that was not made for someone like you. My heart is a dead, hateful, awful place that no sane human being would ever try to be a part of." She said looking out the window at the falling snow.

"What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?" She asked me irritated.

"Well you couldn't have always been like this. Who hurt you?"

"Who hasn't?" She almost laughed, "And you know the sad part is? It hasn't even been boys who've hurt me, like normal people my age. It has always been the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally. It's always been the people who are supposed to protect me that have hurt me most.

"And I don't like 'letting people in'. I don't like letting people in because every fucking time people have wanted to know every damned thing about me. They've made me rip my heart open and show them all of my suffering so they can feel noble helping me.

"I don't need anyone to save me and I sure as hell don't need to relive the worst parts of my life every time someone needs damned a charity case."

"I don't think you're a charity case,"

"Really? Because the way you look at me is like I'm a dying puppy."

"I do not look at you that way!"

"Oh hell Peeta!

"I don't!"

"Really!? Do out know how many times you've looked at me like I'm in some other fucking language and you can't read me!?"

"You're being ridiculous!"

"Just listen to me!" I pulled over to the side of the road, angry and ready to hear an excuse.

"Well? I'm listening."

"I'm not a walking problem. I am human being with a shit ton of baggage. I'm a girl who has all her life without fail been good at one thing; getting hurt. Thanks for reminding me of that."

Then she got out of the car, "Come on let's talk about this!" I shouted out at her, climbing out of the car after her. "You're such a child!"

"Oh now I'm a child am I? Clearly I need you to take care of me!"

"Why won't you just let me for god sake?"

"Because I don't need help!"

"Really!? For starters it's snowing, under ten degrees outside, and you're in a dress. Next you're yelling at me in the middle of the freeway. You have panic attack you won't tell anyone about. And finally you are so closed off even your triggers make no sense."

"I don't need a babysitter! I'm not a disaster zone! I have enough people wanting to know my every secret! Enough people prying into my life."

"It's because we care Katniss!"

"Yeah you sure care about me!"

"We do!"

"No if you cared then you'd let me talk at my own pace!"

"Problems are not like wine Katniss they don't get better with age!"

"I'm not ready what don't you get!?" She started walking away.

"Damn it, just get back in the car."

"No!" I walked around the car and gripped her arms.

"Why won't you let me in?"

"You know what go fuck yourself."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Why do you need to take care of me!?"

"Because I love you,"

"Go to hell!"

"Katniss I love you I'm sorry you don't know how to accept that!"

"I don't know how to accept that!?"

"You are clearly pushing me away! I just told you I love you and you walk away? Why?"

"I told you that I'm not pushing you away!"

"I love you and you won't let me."

"You know what, you're right. I won't let you." She said wrangling free of my grasp with ease, "I thought that maybe what I needed was someone who would just keep quite and not question me! I thought that was you." She shook her head angrily.

"I thought you were going to be the one help I'd accept! I thought if I had been given a year or so everything would be okay. But you know what? Fuck you." Then she ran. I'd have run after her, but the snow was too much for me and I didn't know how in hell she could stand it.

I got back in my car and drove off immediately calling her cell.

As you can guess I got her voicemail, "Baby let's talk about this. I'm not going to let this go yet. You can't just run off through the snow in practically nothing and expect me to give up on you, call me back." She wouldn't call me back. And that fear of her getting home, wouldn't go away until Christmas eve.


	9. Chapter 9

**Katniss POV**

I remember that day, so painfully clear that I could tell you every last detail. Hour by hour minute by minute. I'll show you,

At eight-thirty-eight I start running through the snow. My dress is suddenly much shorter than I remember it to be. But that's good for me. Why?

I had felt panic coursing through me the moment Peeta brought up November. But it was warm back when those things happened to me. It had been a warm summer day, long ago. The cold and the snow keeps me sane now. It's all have with no one around.

I make it home through the bitter cold Seattle snow/rain at exactly nine o'clock. I pack the last of my things, tooth-brush, hair brush, pack away my laptop and put Prims gifts with my clothes so they won't get squished. I don't have much baggage so I won't need to check a bag.

I'd been waiting until tomorrow to pack, but now I can't want to leave more. Now I'm so furious even the cold ass weather can't cool me down.

I change quickly as I call the airline, around nine-ten, "Hi I have a flight for tomorrow morning at eight, can I reschedule to have a flight sooner."

"Yes ma'am there's a few seats open for a flight to Glasgow Montana departing at ten fifteen. Would you like me to reserve a seat for you?"

"Yes please."

"Name?"

"Katniss Everdeen."

"Thank you, Miss. Everdeen your flight change has been confirmed." There's no going back now.

With my carry-on and laptop I close the door to my apartment and turn the lock. No looking back, even if it is only for a week and a half. I pull out my phone on my way to the shuttle station and dial a friend of mine from home asking him to drop off my truck at the airport.

He agrees according to the same plan we'd agreed on for tomorrow, only changing the place. I was supposed to fly into Lewistown it's about an hour and a half closer to home, but this will do. I like driving my truck, it'll feel good to be in that old beat up thing again.

I walk to the shuttle station and make it to the air port in record time. Check-in is an absolute breeze. Since no one flies this late security is even easy too.

I take a seat in terminal A twenty-six and look at my phone. Nine forty-six. One missed call.

Peeta. I think about how I yelled at him. I dial his number and hang up before the call even gets through. I guess I'm afraid of what he has to say. Though his message was calm, he might not be so much so. I put my phone away, and look at the board of arrivals. I can't believe my flight is early.

With my ticket out I line up to board. The plane is practically empty once I'm on. I have the whole row to myself.

I keep the blind on the window open, flick on one of the lights and sit right up against the window to watch the take off. It takes ten minutes to load everyone on board and get us on the runway.

I watch the take off, I watch the city lights glimmer in the half rain half snow. I smile as snow pelts the window and melts right after.

I can pull out my book and read for the hour-long flight once take off is complete. Our take off is at ten-o-four. The fight lasts for exactly one hour.

One hour for practical silence, one full hour of blissful reading. I lounge out my legs on the seat, my head against the wall so I can watch the sky when I get distracted.

Once the plane has landed, I grab my bag from the overhead compartment and get off the plane with the six other people who had flow with me. When I pull out my phone to change the time I see it's now Eleven-o-seven. As time zone mandates an hour ahead my clock now reads Twelve-o-seven December twenty-third 2002.

I don't call my friend who dropped off my car. Instead I bundle up in my jacket and head out into a think windy snow.

I find my truck immediately after stepping outside. My pale blue chipped truck from the nineties. Still fully functioning, sort of like me in a way.

The keys are hidden under the seat, just like we'd planned for tomorrow. The car is still warm and smells slightly of cigarettes. I don't mind too much, it's almost like I really am home and not in the airport.

I wouldn't dare do something like this in Seattle. I think to myself. Someone would steal the damned car. Or break into the car and ransack it.

I put the keys into the ignition and start the car. It's cold outside but not that bad in the car. The snow is piled high in surrounding areas. How I missed snow like this.

I turn on the windshield wipers and watch them for a moment as they clear up my view of the road.

I turn on the radio as I drive off the parking lot. Glasgow is about a three-hour drive to my home town. I enjoy the longer ride, almost thankful I didn't fly into Lewistown as the drive clears my head.

I drive faster though. The smell of dirt and hard work gets me excited. I can't wait to start working and riding again.

Seeing so much snow and driving my car, on my dirt roads. I just got a little carried away and drove a bit fast.

No big deal right? I pull up to my home at Two-thirty in the morning. I think about Gale and Prim as I observe the snow-covered area. We can bring out the horses and take them for a run. Archer can get back in the ring with me, and everything will be like old times. The farm looks good, I'll thank Gale tomorrow.

After all he's pumped everything he's got into this place. I'd admire his work but I can't see it yet. The horses won't be out until tomorrow.

I head inside and slowly closing the door. The Christmas tree is set up in the living room, it's bare underneath. I place the three presents I bought for Prim underneath it. Two-thirty four, I hear something moving upstairs. I drop my suitcase and move towards the staircase.

"Prim are you up baby?" I call. More movement, "What are you doing silly little duck?" I call walking up the stairs. More frantic movement, and then a scream.

"Prim!?" I shout in fear, Her door is slightly ajar when I run down the hall, "Prim!" I run into her room, there stands my mother, holding a knife over my baby sisters head.

"Katniss!" Prim shouts at me, Mother turns to me releasing Prim.

"Welcome home dear." She says.

"Ma put the knife down." I warn.

"What this? It's just for show." Mother laughs standing upright.

"Ma I'm serious put it down."

"Prim go get your sister something to eat yeah?" My delusional mother says, "Go on sweet girl." Prim walks calmly out of the room.

"Prim run! Get help!" I watch her disappear down the stairs, she's listened to my simple command, to run.

"Why would you do that?" Mom asks running to me.

"Ma how did you get out?" I ask gesturing to the knife.

"Why does it matter!?" She shouts throwing herself on me. I'm shoved out of the room into the hallway. I scream like I have never screamed before. Fear taking over quicker than I can stop it.

She holds me on the railing over our living room. She pins my shoulders down with her forearm and threatens me with the knife with the other hand.

"Weren't you working dear?" She asks the knife dangerously close to my neck.

"Ma calm down, come back to me." I beg.

"Aw sweet baby, afraid of your mommy?" She asks.

"This isn't you, please." She takes my head and throws me down the hallway.

"Shut up! Shut up!" She's got her eyes closed and she's pounding her head. She's hearing them again.

I try to crawl back into my old bedroom, but my mother grabs my neck and pins me to the bathroom door. "Tell me! Why did you kill him!?"

"Ma I didn't-" She hits me against the door. My spinal cord shoots pain along my body, down to my toes.

"You did, you did. You killed him." She cries, tears stream down her hot bright red face.

"Ma that didn't-"

"Shut up!" She shouts throwing me at my bedroom door and breaking it off the hinges. When did this crazy woman get so strong?

I get on my feet, though it tingles from the damage to my spine. I get into my own bathroom and get the door closed. I slide down the door, gasping for breath and sanity.

I feel the door racking behind me with my mothers entire weight being used to break it down. She wants me dead, and this time she can do it. She's had a lot of time to think about it being locked up.

"Come on Prim." I whisper before the knife cuts through the door and right across my face. It stings the moment it slices the skin.

In a moment of my own weakness my mother breaks into the bathroom. She picks me up by the collar of my shirt and holds me up to her crazy conflicted eyes.

"Lock the door." She seethes. "Come on!" She grips my arm behind me and throws me down the stairs. I tumble all the way down, but she reaches me quickly. "UP!"

I get up tenderly and lock the front door.

I turn to face her as I am taken by the arm, "Look at me and tell me I shouldn't kill you."

"Ma-" I'm cut off by her stabbing my left arm. I scream as she drags the knife down and out of me, she does this at a painfully slow rate. She looks at the blood and then at me.

"Up the stairs young lady!" She throws my body up the stairs so I fall instantly. She drags me by the collar of my shirt the rest of my body bumping along the stairs.

I think about what's happening to me, I'm choking, I've just been stabbed, and my mother wants me dead. This is a terrible nightmare. It has to be. My blood stains the carpeted stairs of my childhood home. Only a nightmare...

She stands me up before shoving me to the ground, "Beg." She says throwing me back across the hallway. I glimpse at a clock Four-twenty-six. I'll die before the sunrises. That's all I can think. I will be killed.

I lay on the floor, paralyzed and afraid. She gets closer and I can feel her feet take every step as the house creeps behind her, so every step she takes reminds me of one haunting detail. I grew up here, this is my home, this is my Ma, this is the sound you memorized by heart, this is how you'll die in this house in this moment, you'll die afraid.

She kicks me in the head, "I said beg for forgiveness." She kicks my ribs a few times more.

"For Christ sake I'm your daughter!" I shout at her. "You're my mother! What the hell have I done!?" She stabs at my left calf.

"You are not my child!" She shouts, "Do you hear me!? You are not my child! My girls are at home crying because you killed their father!"

"Ma! Stop please!" She pulls the knife out of my leg.

"That's better." She says. "Your life is mine, bitch."

"Ma-"

"Shush... Listen." Cars driving up. The police are here. Should I have hope or should I fear more? I'm not sure. She laughs and takes me to our guest room. "Wait."

"Wait? For what!?" I ask. Wait for my death? For more stabs? For more kicks? What am I waiting for?

"Wait dear. Just wait." She says calmly. She's gotten the insane thing down in the last eight years she's been gone. She'd been frightening years before because of how young I was. I did this. She went crazy in that hospital and I did it to her.

The phone rings soon. "Pick it up." She says in the same calm tone that makes my skin crawl in displeasure. So I do as she takes me out of the room and into the hall. My blood has not stained that room yet. How? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure if I should be grateful.

"He-hello?" I answer as I fall to the floor, unable to take the pain of standing on my leg.

"Who is this?" An officer asks.

"Katniss Everdeen." I answer in a shaky whisper. I wonder if my mother is going to snap again. I wonder what will happen if she does.

"You're a hostage, we're going to do everything we can to get you out unharmed."

"I'm already hurt." I say without thinking. He's my lifeline, he may just be able to help me.

"What?" He asks, though he clearly heard me.

I start to tell him that my mother stabbed me, "She-"

"Give it to me!" Mother yanks the phone away. I cower back, falling onto my back. "Listen closely." She says with a smile spreading across her face, she turns the receiver on me and pins me to the ground where I fell back.

Her smile would be comical if her weren't so terrifying. She sinks the knife into my chest right where my ribcage opens.

I do not scream, that's what she wants. She wants me to scream. I fight back against my body's initial response. Crying out won't help, crying won't help. Silence is safe. I clench my teeth together and tighten the lids over my eyes to keep tears in. A literal dam to catch tears.

"Trying not to cry?" She asks in a sickeningly sweet tone. She retaliates by pulling the knife slowly down my abdomen.

My voice cracks as I attempt to not scream. I can't even bite down on my lips. They part to gasp for air. Desperate to let out a scream. "Come on baby girl," She coos to me like I'm an actual baby, "SCREAM!" She cuts down to my pelvis in one fast motion.

I give in, I scream. I scream so loudly I can't feel my vocal cords as I gasp desperately for breath. The pain is in the form of warmth as blood rushes to the wounded area of my body.

The pain is slightly numbed by the fact that my brain is completely flipping shit. I suddenly, don't know who I am. Where am I?

What am I doing here? Was I just stabbed?

The pain grows, and so does the volume of my scream. My vision blurs as my brain reacts to the new pain signals being sent to it.

I touch my stomach and feel the warm thin blood coat my fingers. Bacteria from my hands take to my wound immediately it seems like.

The moment my hands touch the skin I can't help but scream again. I feel like my blood is at boiling heat.

I feel my heart beat increase to supply more blood to my body. My gasping becomes desperate, as my lungs fight to keep up with the production of blood.

"That's mama's baby girl." She cocks her head to the side. She laughs a bit before ripping the knife out of my stomach. Blood splatters out of my body onto the floor.

I scream again, my abdomen searing with more pain. I think I've past the point of fear and tears.

I just feel like I'm going to die. I don't want to give up, not now. I have so much now in my life and I won't give up. But it hurts so much I fear the possibility of death.

If I am to die right here right now, I want this woman to die with me. "Always so good at following orders. And even now you won't cry? Mama raised you right." I want to sit up and strangle her but I can't even move my left arm. There is no way I could stand up even if I tried.

I hear the door crash down in a loud house shaking thud. My mother puts the knife down and turns to the stairs. I look around her and watch as armed cops file up the stairs. They hold out their guns walking over and arresting my mother. My eyes shut right after the arrest is made.

I wake, slightly, some time after that. The sun has risen now and a cop kneels down by me with a paramedic. I only look for a moment before tiredness takes over closing my eyes. But I listen to him.

The paramedic is listing off my injuries to the cop who is repeating them into a phone. "I've got a stab wound victim here, lost at least a pint of blood. Unconscious. Bruised all over. Looks like a concussion. Possible fractured ribs. Bones exposed. One arm. One leg laceration. Torn up organs. Condition critical. Back up needed immediately.

I open my eyes and look at this cop with fear, "She's conscious!" The cop yells into the phone "I need a damned airlift STAT."

I can't speak but I grasp for his hand, "We'll help you okay? Stay with me Katniss."

I'm afraid, I feel like I should know him but I don't. I start coughing and know there's blood. I can taste it clearly on my tongue.

"Get that airlift now!" I'm out cold then, my only hope is that I will wake up.


	10. Chapter 10

**Peeta's POV**

I sat down in Annie and Finnick's living room for the annual Christmas party. The day before Christmas eve, I'd be going to my parents for Christmas, which meant a whole day of driving the next day to get there before Christmas mass.

I sat boredly watching the TV fire-place on the arm of the sofa. It was still early in the day but I was already tired. We have this Christmas party from nine in the morning until about midnight every year, it's our big thing that we all celebrate together.

"Why so down?" Annie asked walking up to me he hand over her hardly noticeable stomach.

"I just can't stop thinking about Katniss." I sighed bringing the thought back into my mind. "I can't believe I just let her run away like that."

"Listen Peeta, I'm worried about her too but she'll talk us eventually." Annie assured me.

"I guess," I shrugged not convinced. "I just feel so bad."

"Hey you were just concerned for her." Annie said, "She just didn't react optimally. Sure, it could have gone better, but it could have been worse." She was wrong, things were as bad as they could be. None of us knew it yet, but things would get much worse in the next few hours.

"Peeta, wine?" Finnick called. I walked over and poured wine with him, "Get drunk, keeps your mind off things." He said clanging glasses with me.

"Not necessarily." I said.

"Let it." Finnick laughed after taking a sip.

"And really this early? It's nine-forty dude."

"So?"

"I have a whole stock of whiskey at home if you need it Peeta. You're not my employee you can drink it legally." Haymitch said walking into the living room.

"Thanks Haymitch, appreciate it."

"Peeta, my whore!" Johanna called out, "When you get back, I'm taking you to a strip club."

"Um..."

"Not for you, for me."

"Alright."

"Come on kid that joke **always** gets me a smile." She nudged me.

"I'm not feeling it today." I shrugged.

"Peeta Mellark is never unhappy at Christmas." Finnick said. "You **are** Christmas spirit. For fuck sake!"

"I let my girlfriend run away from me in the snow." I said putting my glass down on the counter. "I just let her run off."

"Hey we all make mistakes." Annie said.

"I guess." I said not convinced.

"Stop blaming yourself for something that you don't know happened." Annie said.

"I can't what if she didn't get home?"

"She's a big girl Peeta she made it home." Johanna assured me taking her own glass of wine.

"I know, I'm just really worried."

"You have the right to be." Annie said.

"Let's do something," Finnick said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Beer pong?" Johanna asked.

"Too early Jo." I said.

"Hey change the channel guys, we have a real fireplace for a reason." Annie said to Cato and Clove.

"Yes ma'am, if we knew how to work the remote." Clove said.

We all sat down on the couch and watched Cato try to work the remote. I stared absentmindedly at the screen, when suddenly Katniss's face replaced the fire. She stood in the middle of an empty field and looked to be laughing.

"Wait, leave it." Finnick of all people spoke up.

"Turn up the volume." Boggs said to Cato.

"Take a look at this girl," The image changed to another few pictures of her laughing and generally looking happy. "she is twenty-four years old. She is bilingual, she has a master's degree in Foreign affairs." An image of Katniss in a cap and gown with her two degrees in hand popped up on the TV. Then an image of her with a school sweat-shirt faded into view.

"She also happens to be a national title winner in horseback riding." A picture of her with trophies and medals standing next to a horse appeared, "She works for one of the biggest corporations in the United States and she owns her family's breeding farm." A picture of her with an acceptance letter in hand, before a picture of her with her sister appeared.

We all looked at each other. Why was her face plastered to national news?

Before anyone could contemplate the question asked, the TV flashed to a man standing in front of a large farm-house, "Now what if I told you that same girl was held captive in her own home not a few hours ago? The twenty-four year old, Katniss Everdeen did just that."

We all glanced nervously at one another, each of us sat up taller. But no one uttered a word.

"This morning the twenty-four year old, flew back into her home state Montana at around midnight. A whole ten hours before her intended arrival."

Annie's hand raised to her mouth. Finnick's grip on her waist tightened. I watched the screen begging for answers.

"She arrived here, at her family's farm at two-thirty this morning, authorities say, when she heard noise coming from the upper level of her home. She investigated and found her younger sister Primrose Everdeen pinned underneath the weight of their mother and a knife held to the girls' throat."

All of us again glanced around the room to see what the others were doing. Could this be true? Could this have happened to someone we know?

"The twenty-four year old distracted the mother long enough for the young Primrose Everdeen to run. Their mother then pulled a knife on the twenty-four year old as Primrose went for help. The sixteen year old ran a total of six miles to the closest home where she then called the police."

"A knife?" Clove asked, "Why would her mom...?" Cato silenced her by gripping her to him. The end of a recent argument I had only assumed.

"This is not the first time the girls have been through assault charges and been on the crime scene. In 1992, the girl's father, the late owner of this very farm, was shot and killed in a bar fight. Not two years later, in 1994, the girl's mother assaulted the two sisters."

"Her triggers..." Boggs muttered.

"While Katniss called the police, the mother cut up the younger siblings legs." A picture of a blonde eight year old with gashes along her legs appeared.

"Oh my god," Annie gasped nestling further into Finnick's chest.

Ginger and Rue gripped one another's hands. How they managed to still be standing I didn't know. They both had younger siblings they could both feel the hurt of seeing them injured. Not to the extent little Prim had received by a long shot.

"Then in an attempt to thwart her mother's attack, Katniss jumped on top of her mother. Her arms were then clawed at in the same way until authorities arrived." A picture of Katniss with bleeding arms.

"Her scars." I whispered.

"Knife cuts." Johanna sighed. Haymitch stood cold and unreadable. Beetee sat as if calculating her cuts. Glimmer was crying, and Thresh watched only after blinking away any trace of emotion.

"At the time the mother had first been diagnosed with schizophrenia; a psychotic disorder characterized by loss of contact with the environment, by noticeable deterioration in the level of functioning in everyday life, and by disintegration of personality expressed as disorder of feeling, thought, perception, and behavior. Normal side effects of this disease are hallucination- seeing things that aren't really there- and hearing what most patients refer to as, voices telling them to commit certain acts."

We all sat in a self-sustaining silence. Some of us in pain, some in grief. Me? I only felt the pang of immortal regret. Regret that would never fully go away.

"She was taken into police custody and committed to a mental institution. A custody battle ensued for Katniss to remain her younger sister's legal guardian, which was won by the teenager in 1995. According to investigators and hospital records the girls' mother was released from the mental institution last week as they believed her to be cured.

"I'll be right back with Chief of police-" Cato muted it as commercials came on to taunt us with the lack of information.

"Oh my god..." I was the first to break the barrier of silence, "I'm such an asshole."

"You aren't the only one bud." Finnick assured me, "I'm just a prick who set her off."

"Hey how were we supposed to know her mother had schizophrenia? That's not something you can just talk about to people you've known for six months." Clove said. "She shouldn't have had to say anything." Clove add quietly at the end.

"Annie," Finnick said softly pulling his crying wife out of his chest.

"I didn't think it was that bad Finn." She said clasping her mouth.

"I know honey." He assured her kissing her head. I wish I could have told Katniss that. I wish I could have held her and told her everything would be okay. I didn't even know what was happening to her at that moment.

Haymitch sat down rubbing his face, his employees were like his kids. I couldn't imagine he'd known anything about this. By the look on his face it hurt him too.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta." Annie said gripping at my hand. I said nothing but held on to Annie equally hard.

"Guys it's back on." Cato said turning up the sound.

"I'm now with the chief of police who has the full story of today's events. Good morning." The reporter greeted a tall police officer, "Could you tell us exactly what happened to the victim?"

"Well after the witness ran away, it seems the attacker threw the victim into the master bedroom breaking the door off its hinges. It seems like the victim struggled for a bit before receiving a scrape to the right side of her face." The broken door was shown, how her body had done that? I wasn't sure.

"Then the attacker ordered the victim to close and lock the front door. Then it seems she cut the left upper arm down to the elbow before dragging the girl up the stairs."

They showed pictures of the blood stained staircase. That was hard to look at and not look away.

"At some point the victim and the attacker made it into the hallway where we believe she slashed open the victims leg. That was when police arrived on scene."

"And what did you do?" The reporter asked.

"We called the phone, as we do with most hostage situations. But the victim picked up the phone and gave us her name. I have the recording here." We watched as he moved to a tape recorder. As he turned it on, I feared what I would soon be hearing.

"He-hello?" That couldn't have been Katniss. Her voice was far too small, too distant. The voice was too timid. She was too afraid to be my Katniss. But it was.

"Who is this?"

"Katniss Everdeen." Her voice still so small and afraid.

"You're a hostage, we're going to do everything we can to get you out unharmed."

"I'm already hurt."

"What?"

"She-"

"Give it to me!... Listen closely." There it was, the sound of a knife hitting a bone. No one in the room moved, Katniss's ragged breath broke the barrier of silence. "Trying not to cry?" Her mother sounded so cruel and hateful. "Come on baby girl, SCREAM!"

I'll never forget that scream as long as I live. The sheer terror and agony in one movement of vocal cords. It was the most bloodcurdling sound I will ever hear in my life.

We heard gasping in the living room. Clove gripped her mouth to close as she cried. Annie looked sick, like she'd vomit at any moment.

Ginger and Rue held each other tightly afraid to let go. Haymitch shielded his eyes from the TV. Thresh let a tear roll down his cheek.

Cato tried to hush Clove by smoothing down her hair, but even his hands trembled.

Beetee and Boggs sat in their chairs with closed eyes.

I'd never felt so alone in my entire life. Even as Annie's hand squeezed mine, I was alone.

"That's mama's baby girl." I swallowed the bile, that woman sent to my mouth. How could someone's mother, schizophrenic or not, do that to their kid? "Always so good at following orders. And even now you won't cry? Mama raised you right."

I wanted to personally strangle that woman. The police officer turned off the recording and continued to talk.

"That was when we kicked down the door and made the arrest." He sighed, "We found the victim had a foot long cut down from her rib cage to her pubic bone. There were cut up organs, blood in just about every inch of her body cavity. The whole nine yards."

All of us fought images of Katniss's gnarled body from our minds.

"We're awaiting an airlift as we speak, paramedics are packing her with gauze, looking for heart murmurs-"

"So the victim is still inside?"

"Yes."

"How will this affect the safety of the town?"

"Honestly? Not much everyone has known about the Everdeen's mother since it happened. They knew she was off her rocker and this won't make anyone feel insecure. However it will bring the town together."

"How so?"

"The people here, myself included, have known this girl since her mother was pregnant with her. She's a huge part of this town and everyone will do their best to help in any way they can."

"Thank you for your time." The reporter said so the officer could leave, "Other officials are stating the twenty-four year old is in critical condition and is in desperate need of medical attention. We'll be right back with some locals-" Cato muted the TV again as commercials came on.

"I can't..." Annie said and left the room, Finnick trailing close behind.

"It's alright Clove." Cato whispered just loud enough for me to hear. She cried into him without effort. Tears were just there as she needed them. She didn't have to work for them, showing me that Katniss and her truly were close.

"Peeta?" A soft hand rubbed my shoulder. "Are you okay?" It was Rue, Ginger next to her.

I didn't speak, I just shook my head no. She hugged me, she didn't say anything just a hug.

When it came back on Cato turned up the volume, "How is the community handling this incident?"

"It's a really sad day for everyone here, it is an actual tragedy for us. We love her so much, I work here in the summer for volunteer hours. She's always been here, always so dedicated and kind. She's understanding, if I have a problem she's there you know?

"She is such a big part of the community here, we cannot be more devastated by this."

"What kind of effect do you think this occurrence will have on the community?"

The girl on-screen stared off at the house.

"Ma'am?"

"Oh my god that's her." The girl said. The camera turned to a bloody gauzed up body rolling out on a gurney. That couldn't be Katniss, it couldn't be.

"Katniss!" Someone shouted off-screen. A blonde girl rushed through the line of police to reach the body. She was stopped by a police officer who handed her off to a man who held the girl close.

"Is that the sister of the victim?"

"Yes..." The woman was crying then, "Excuse me... Prim!" She shouted and ran to hug the girl.

I got up off the couch and headed to the door.

"Peeta where are you going?" Haymitch asked.

"I can't just sit here." I said, "I-... I have to-"

"You aren't going anywhere." Finnick said coming down the stairs. "We're all going to sort this out."

"What is there to sort out?" I asked as Annie walked down the stairs. "I just, I need to go."

"Peeta, I think I want to go too." Annie said.

"Annie, are you sure, you were just sick a moment ago." Finnick said taking her hand.

"Finn honey, she needs all the support we can give."

"If you all are going I'm going too." Johanna said.

"Same." Clove stepped forward.

"If Clove is going I'm going." Cato said.

"Family trip huh?" Thresh asked bitterly not trying to be funny but to me it was, "I'll go too."

"Us too." Ginger said.

"Well someone's go to keep you kids in line." Haymitch said. "Beetee Boggs, we're going to keep these kids in line."

"Yes sir." Boggs saluted.

"They're taking her to Montana Central Hospital near Lewistown. There's an airport there." Glimmer said reading the information on the TV.

"Call the airport see when you can get booked, call us back when you have your flight." Finnick said. I walked quickly out to my car and pulled out my phone from the back seat. My Christmas present from her still sat in the back.

I had one thing to do the moment I got in, call the airport. I knew the number well, from all the traveling I used to do. Before Rye died, "Seattle international airport how may I help you?"

"Excuse me, I was wondering if you had any flights to Lewistown, Montana."

"We have one seat open on this afternoons flight would you like me to reserve it for you?"

"Yes please."

"Name?"

"Peeta Mellark." She asked me about payment and a few other things before saying.

"Alright you're all set to fly out at one o'clock this afternoon." It was just barely noon. Normally the Christmas party at Annie and Finnick's would have lasted well into the night. I was upset it hadn't this time.

As I pulled up to my house I checked in with Annie and Finnick, they and most of everyone else had a flight for that night at six fifteen.

Annie was worried for me since I hadn't been on a plane since Rye's death. I told her I'd be fine, in hindsight I was too distracted with worry to care about flying.

I quickly packed away five shirts and pants when my mom called.

"Mom I'm in a bit of a rush what is it?"

"I was just wondering what all the fuss was about. I accidentally dialed Finnick a few minutes ago and he said something had happened."

"Mom turn on your TV, it's all over the news."

"What happened?" She asked as I packed my remaining things. Just essentials like a tooth-brush and tooth paste.

"Katniss is hurt. I'm flying out today."

"What happened? Is she alright?"

"Mom it's too complicated look it up online, that's why we have internet now. Get dad to help you."

"Is it that serious?"

"She's in critical condition mom." I said racing down the stairs and into my car. Though I'm not proud I sped the whole way to the airport. Sure I had forty-five minutes but I panicked.

"Well I'll look it up, be safe honey."

"Thanks mom." I checked in quickly, and got through security with just under ten minutes to spare.

Not five minutes after I had reached my terminal, my plane began to board and so I got on.

I sat for an hour thinking hard about what I would be seeing when I got in. I wondered if she was alright. If she was in surgery, even wondering if she was dead.

"Hey, want some?" The guy next to me offered me gum.

"Thanks." I said.

"You look tense." He said.

"A bit."

"Flying out for a family issue?"

"Yeah,"

"And this close to Christmas... I'm sorry."

"Thanks, what are you flying for?"

"To see my kid." He smiled. "Her mom's had her most of the year. I only get to see her on holidays because of work." I nodded. "I think we'll be closer this year. I heard about what happened in that small town with the stab victim. Breaks my heart someone's parent would do that to them."

Without thinking I said, "That's my girlfriend."

"Who? The girl who was stabbed?"

"Yeah," I said, "Crazy thing is I didn't even know anything about her parents until today. She wouldn't tell me. I thought you know, it was something to do with me. But I guess it didn't. I just... I just want to know she's okay, you know?"

I didn't mean to talk like that I just kind of did. "I can't even imagine. I'm sorry."

"I am too." We landed then. I collected my bag swiftly and went to the hotel I had quickly rented a room from before taking off in Seattle. I didn't know if I'd use it but I thought it would be helpful.

I walked from there to the hospital only my phone in my pocket and a little bit of money just in case.

I walked into the lobby of the hospital and talked to the receptionist. "Excuse me, I was wondering about a patient here,"

"Oh are you flying in from out-of-town?"

"Yes,"

"Last name?"

"Everdeen." I said.

She looked at me sharply, "If you're a reporter-"

"I'm her boyfriend." I said, angry, but not letting my tone reflect it.

"Oh... Right this way." She took me into an elevator and got me up on the third floor. "She's still in surgery but you're welcome to wait here." There was no one there only a single girl with blonde hair sat waiting.

The receptionist left me to take a seat. I ran my hands through my hair quickly before daring to look at her.

She was pretty and would have been more pretty without red puffy eyes. She had long blonde hair that looked to have been in braids. Big watery blue eyes, long fingers twisting in and out of her other fingers. She looked short, I'd learn her height is only five-one.

"Hello." I said, she hardly glanced. "What's your name?"

"Prim..." She sniffled.

"Hi Prim, I'm Peeta."

"Peeta." She looked up at me in surprise. "What are you doing here?" She moved over to sit next to me.

"I flew out as soon as I heard." The moment she sat back down she stuck her face in my shirt to cry.

"Thank god I'm not alone." She cried.

"It's okay Prim." I said rubbing her arm. "It's okay."

"I'm so scared."

I couldn't help but answer truthfully, "So am I."

"They said every specialist is on her team, that means it's bad."

"No that's good she's in good hands."

"Gale left to go pick up Madge from the airport, but it's been an hour and he's not back yet."

"I'm sure Madge's flight just got delayed. It happens all the time."

"I didn't think this would happen."

"What?" I asked, not in a prying way but a curious one.

"The institution just said my mom wanted to spend Christmas with us. They wanted to see if she could be released..." She cried into my chest a bit longer, "I just wanted to see my mom Peeta, I didn't think anything would happen."

But then I remembered something, Katniss knew what would happen.

It had been back in November, Veterans day weekend. I showed up with Annie at the office for a lunch date with Finnick and Katniss.

"Hi" Annie poked her head into their office to kiss Finnick, "You guys ready?"

"Just about." Finnick assured her grabbing his phone and jacket.

I stepped into the room, and walked over to Katniss's desk.

"I'll be ready in five minutes." She said kissing me. "Just let me get my purse."

She stood up and shoved a few loose items into her bag when her phone went off, "Hello?... Hi baby." She said in the tone she always developed when her little sister called. I thought it was sweet. "What?" She asked furrowing her brow, she cupped her hand over the phone, "You guys go ahead I'll be down in a few minutes."

Annie and Finnick nodded, but I stayed. "They did what?... Alright... Baby can you put them on the phone?... Thank you baby." She drummed her fingers on the desk before speaking,

"Hello?... I was just informed you were getting in contact with my sister... So it's true... Alright, well here's the thing. She's a minor, she is under my guardianship and I own the property you are discussing and I will not allow that... I will not tolerate that woman being on my property..." That woman must have been her mother and the other line must have been the hospital,

"No you listen to me, I don't care how many degrees you pull out of your ass. I will not allow that woman anywhere near me or my family do you hear me? That woman will stay far from me and my sister... Are you deaf or just stupid? I will NOT have that woman on my property, and don't you dare get in contact with my sister again because that is illegal. I will not only have you arrested but I will sue your ass... Listen to me you sick fuck, if that woman is even caught in my town, I will be pressing charges against you... You'll be finding a letter in the mail tomorrow morning with a legal warning from my lawyer, count on it... Goodbye." She angrily hung up and sighed.

Then she noticed me. She put on a smile, even though I clearly heard her, "Let's go have lunch." She walked over and kissed me before walking out. If only I'd known then...


	11. Chapter 11

**Katniss's POV**

_If it were at all possible to look around and decide that one moment was the worst moment of your entire life. Than I thought mine had already come and gone. Truth is you cannot pin point the worst day of your life because the more you live the more bad days you have ahead of you. The real worst day of your life is the day you die. I thought I'd have it pinned then, but I had no idea._

**Peeta's POV**

I let Prim cry into my chest for a good thirty minutes before a woman walked into the waiting room. She wore surgical gear and looked around with purpose. She spotted Prim and I in an instant, she turned and sped over to us.

"I don't have much time because I have to get back." She said, "We've been working on some of her more critical wounds, we had to give her a blood transfusion and her heart stopped for a few moments.

"Now she's stable and the doctors are working diligently. So far we've found several broken ribs and she has a mild concussion. I'll be back in another hour." Then she left. Flat out left.

I felt fear growing strong again. Prim kept crying so I said, "Come on Prim let's go get something to eat. The rest of the office won't be here for another few hours, and she said we have an hour."

Prim nodded only slightly. I took her down to the hospital cafeteria and got her to eat. We walked back up to the waiting room to get another update. A whole hour passes with no word from anyone.

The others were probably still packing in Seattle. Prim and I sat silently together, her hand gripped onto mine. I started to wonder how something like this could have happened to her.

How could something so terrible happen to someone like her, I wondered if she deserved it. But then I took away that thought, she couldn't ever deserve that fate. No one deserved that fate.

Especially not her, not the girl I love more than I ever thought I could love anyone. She was the only one who believed in me, the only one who told me to go for my dreams. The girl I flew out to make sure was okay.

I love her, I know a lot of people would tell me I'm rushing things, but love has no timeline. I can't lose the girl I love.

"Peeta?" Prim asked suddenly.

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"I'm alright." I said.

"Because you're crying." She said. I quickly wiped my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said, "I shouldn't be crying she'll be okay."

"Really?"

"Yes,"

"... You must really like her."

"I do." I said. "Truly" Then the woman from before showed up, this time knowing our faces, she found us quickly.

"I'm sorry I'm late there was a problem but she's fine now. Her heart started pumping too much blood and we ended up putting her on bypass because her heart cannot beat on its own. We are starting to put her organs back together-"

"Wait what?" Prim asked.

"Her organs were split open when the knife went through. We're starting to sew them back together. She's stable. I'll be back in a few hours." She said leaving.

"Why is this taking so long?" Prim asked me. "The longer it takes the more serious it is."

"Don't cry Prim they're just being thorough." I said to her taking in my arms again.

"You know it's bad Peeta, her heart's not beating." Truth was I didn't know how bad it was. Not yet.

I hushed her for a while. We just sat alone too. For a long time until my ringing phone broke the sound barrier.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Peeta, It's Annie, we're all on our way to the airport. We'll be there soon."

"Alright Annie."

"I'm putting you on speaker," I heard a button click, "We're all in the car, how is she?"

"Not so well." I sighed and informed them that her heart had stopped and couldn't function on its own. That she was on a ventilator to help her breathe. That she was still in surgery.

"We'll be there soon I promise." Then she hung up.

"Are they coming?" Prim asked.

"Yeah they are." I told her wrapping my arm around her shoulders. "They'll be here soon."

"Where is Gale? He should have been back hours ago. He left at Noon."

"I'm not sure Prim."

"He'd be here, he's like our older brother. He's a part of our family. He needs to be here."

"Do you want to call him?" I asked holding out my phone to her. She shook her head.

"He doesn't answer calls from numbers he doesn't recognize." I nodded, "Peeta, how did you find out... About her?"

"It was on the news."

"But where?"

"It's on national TV."

Prim laughed sourly, "She'd have hated that."

"She will hate it when she wakes up." I reworded for her.

She looked at me, "Do you really think she will?"

"I do."

"People don't just come back from things like this. Not when their surgery's taken seven hours."  
"Not many people are like your sister." Prim silently slipped her face back to my chest.

"She might not make it Peeta, we have to accept that."

"She will make it. Do you hear me? She'll make it."

About half an hour later the others showed up.

Ginger and Rue were the first ones I spotted. Thresh right behind them.

I got up and walked over to them, "The others are coming, they're packing our stuff in the hotel." Rue said.

"Thanks guys." I said leading them to Prim.

"Are you her coworkers?" Prim asked.

"Yes." Rue said taking a seat opposite Prim, "I'm Rue and this is Ginger."

"My name is not-"

"I'm Thresh." He said cutting off Ginger.

"Annie and Finn are coming with Glimmer, Johanna, Cato, Clove, Haymitch, Beetee, and Boggs. They told us five minutes." Rue said. Sure enough in five minutes the whole gang wandered into the waiting area.

"Hi guys." I greeted them all. Annie hugged me tightly as the rest of them sat down.

"Hi." Annie said to Prim in a voice one would associate with a daycare worker. "What's you name?"

Prim looked at her in a confused but angered look. "Prim..."

"Hi Prim-"

"I'm sixteen you know that right?"

Annie looked surprised, "But you look so little."

"Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm little." Prim scowled.

"Annie sit down." Finnick said. He was worried about her flying out and with all the stress, I honestly couldn't feel for him then. My girlfriend was a little busy dying.

The same doctor came out and rushed over to us, "Excuse me, I don't mean to alarm you, but I need to know if any of you are donors."

"I am" Glimmer stood up.

"Are you B?"

"Yes."

"You're a blood donor?" Finnick asked.

"Yeah." Glimmer said as if that fact were obvious.

"Since when?" Haymitch asked.

"Since my dad died four years ago from heart disease."

"I didn't know you're dad was sick." Annie spoke up.

"That's because he's not, he's dead." Glimmer smirked walking out of the waiting room.

"Do any of you know your blood type?" The doctor asked.

"I've got O," Rue spoke up, "I'm a universal donor." She went to the doctor.

"Can I get tested?" I asked.

"Sure." I got up and started to leave, "You are her sister?" The doctor said to Prim, "Come on we can get you tested too."

"I'm A." Prim said. "We've been through this blood donation thing before. We don't have the same blood type."

"But that's not possible," The doctor furrowed her brow.

"It is if you don't have the same father." Prim responded and fell back in her chair. My mind was actually question what the fuck was happening.

"Alright..." The doctor said leading the three of us into a public clinic. There I found out that I had AB and couldn't give her blood even though I wanted to give her everything I could.

They made us sit on beds and wait for ten minutes before standing up. Glimmer said normally they gave her five.

"So you donate blood," I said awkwardly.

"Yeah." She said.

"That's really great. I wouldn't have pegged you as the kind to-"

"Peeta, I may have been a bitch in high school, but I did grow up."

"Huh?"

"Peeta, I'm not stupid I know you're still mad about high school. I know you thought I was just some heartless bitch and I can be, everyone can be. But here's the thing. I like Katniss. And I do give blood. And I do volunteer at the animal shelter on weekends.

"I do it because I'm not totally heartless. I do it because even I can be a good person.

"Even though I'm the slut of the office, and even though everyone thinks I'm stalking you which is just fucking creepy." I looked at her for a moment and suddenly didn't see the same girl from Junior and Senior years, "You know, there are two things I can't stand in this world. Assholes and people getting things they didn't deserve. Katniss didn't deserve what happened to her. A lot of people don't deserve what happens to them. But that doesn't mean they can't stand up and get better." Then she got up and left.

I never questioned her again.

Rue and I walked back to the waiting room where Annie was trying without success to calm Prim.

"It's alright you know." Annie said.

"What about any of this is alright?" Prim asked, "I'm so tired of people telling me a bunch of untrue... Shit!"

Cursing did not seem right coming out of her mouth, "I've been sitting here for ten hours. Ten. I know that my sister is going to die and there is nothing I can do about it!"

"You don't know-"

"Yes I do." Prim stood up crying, "I do know, I've seen all of this before. I know that they'll do everything they can and I'll still lose her, that's what happened with our dad."

I walked towards them as Annie spoke up, "I know you're upset Prim but-"

"You don't have a clue." Prim said, "You should be thankful that you have no idea what this feels like. You aren't my mother. And thank god because my mother is crazy. I've never needed a mother before and I don't need one now I just need my sister."

I pulled her away from her argument, her eyes red and dark with exhaustion.

"I can't stay here, but I can't just leave." Prim sobbed effortlessly. It was like she was just deteriorating in front of me.

"When did you last sleep?" I asked.

"What does that matter?"

"Katniss won't want you tired when she wakes up."

"She-"

"I have a hotel room not far from here. Come on." I took her hands and started to lead her away. We were stopped by the same doctor walking in, this time blood running down the front of her surgical gown.

"We're moving her up to the ICU so some of the anesthetic can wear off."

"Can we see her?" Prim asked eagerly.

The doctor sighed, "No." She avoided looking into our eyes. "Her body can't take that much anesthesia all at once. We patched her up but we're going to operate again in a couple of hours. The surgeons are going to rest up, and we'll go back and finish tomorrow.

"You must understand the trauma she received was extreme. She's not breathing on her own, her heart's not beating on its own. She is very weak and I don't think any of you would want to see her like that. Go home, rest, come back tomorrow and we'll see where we stand." I nodded and led Prim out of the hospital.

We walked swiftly and quietly until we reached my hotel room. "Peeta," Prim spoke up.

"Yes?"

"... Katniss told me about your brother. I think you're the only one who understands to some degree..."

"No Prim. We knew no one would survive on the planes. I don't know what you're feeling."

"But you love her. So it has to hurt like it hurts me." I did, it really did.

"Prim could you tell me something?" I asked. She nodded quickly, "What did you means when you said you and Katniss don't have the same father."

She chuckled, "My mother went crazy long before my dad died." She started off. "My mom found out she was pregnant when she was fifteen. Her and dad got married, but dad didn't want anymore kids. He knew my mom wasn't all there. She never was.

"But when Katniss was seven, my mom got confused. She always said that some people's faces were unrecognizable. She accidentally, and I use the term lightly, slept with another man. We still don't know who he is. But he's my father. And I got his blood.

"Why do you think I'm blonde and she's not?" She chuckled again. "God I'm a mess." I didn't say anything. She got up and used the shower, but changed back into her clothes. She was still wearing her pajama's from the night before.

My phone rang as she was in the shower. "Hello?" I answered.

"Hi sweetie, we just wanted to make sure you were okay. We finally got that Google machine to work. It just sounds terrible. How is she honey?"

"She's in the ICU now, they'll be taking her for another surgery tomorrow." I said though it truly hurt to say it.

"Well hang in there honey, a patient is only as strong as their support."

"Thanks mom. Night."

"Night." I changed and crawled into the bed closest to the door. Anxious for tomorrow to come.

The next day at six in the morning Prim and I woke from restless nights and started out for the hospital. We were quick and made it just before the others. We all sat in silence Prim and I simply alone until the others arrived.

But even when Clove and Cato showed up they didn't say anything. No one did for a long time until Gale wandered in.

At first I didn't recognize his frightened face, nor did I recognize the tall blonde with him.

"Gale!" Prim shouted and ran into his arms. She started hitting his chest, "Where were you!? I needed you!"

"I know I'm sorry kid." He said taking her punches well. The fact was he was huge and probably didn't feel it.

"Prim come on let's sit yeah?" The blonde took Prim back to her seat and straightened out her hair.

"I brought you your laptop." Gale said setting it on his lap when he sat down, "The police are all gone now."

"Why did you leave?" Prim asked. "You just left me here."

"It's not that simple kid." He said.

"Prim why don't we look at some of those videos you made," The blonde suggested.

"Madge, why did you guys stay away for so long."

"I'll tell you later I promise Prim." Madge sat down continuing to run her fingers through Prim's hair.

"Why not now? You guys never tell me anything, and now Katniss isn't here. I need to know things too."

"Prim it's complicated." Gale sighed.

"Then make it easy." Prim said.

Gale looked down at the laptop before speaking, "Prim, I've made a lot of promises to your sister. More than I can count, and I haven't kept any of them.

"I promised her the world, that we would get married, and never look back at home. Obviously that never happened." I had been and still am glad he didn't keep those promises. "She made me promise when she was eighteen that if she ever ended up in the hospital, for whatever reason. That I couldn't stay longer than an hour, unless she was having a baby.

"She didn't want to intrude on my life, and she said if it took longer than an hour she'd be dead anyway. I haven't kept my promises with her, and I've been a real dick to her... but I can keep this promise." Gale said. It caught my attention that he was so disappointed in himself. That he really truly cared for her as I did.

He handed the laptop over to Prim. Prim looked through her files slowly before happening upon images.

"Peeta look," She smiled showing me a slide show of pictures, "This was her class."

"Her class?" I asked as a picture of Katniss with a picture book and children around her appeared.

"She taught a French class every week at the elementary school." Prim said.

"Why?" I asked remembering her saying something along the lines of being terrible with children.

"Because kids are her thing. She's like a child magnet. If she wasn't training her own horse, she was running camps, or teaching kids French."

"But she said she wasn't any good with kids." Finnick spoke up.

Prim narrowed her eyes but Madge spoke, "Are you kidding? She loves kids, she sets up a huge Easter egg hunt each year at the farm, not to mention all the other holiday things they do there."

"She loves children." Prim said as I watched Katniss working with little kids. For a split moment I didn't wonder why she'd lied to us, but I thought to myself, 'I hope someday she can do this with our kids.'

My questioning thoughts were interrupted when the doctor from before showed up in the waiting room two surgeons on either side of her.

"We have an update on her." She said.

"Is she out of surgery?" Gale asked.

"Yes," The doctor on the left said, "But I'm afraid we have to tell you about her condition."

"Her condition?" Annie asked wearily.

The doctor on the right spoke up, "We believe she may be, brain dead."

I couldn't believe it, "Brain dead, what does that mean?"

"It means that we are very skeptical that she will ever wake up."


	12. Chapter 12

**Katniss POV**

The strange thing about sleep is you are never sure if it is sleep or death. Sleeping is much harder than dying. You spend hours tossing and turning for sleep, and though you wait years for death it comes in good time. Normally it comes all too quickly.

* * *

**Peeta's POV**

None of us said anything for a good long while. The doctors left us alone until I swore the day was over.

They returned again hours later, the time was close to nine at night.

"We'll need to discuss the state of your friend. Some decisions need to be made on her behalf." A surgeon finally approached us. The darkness outside had crawled into our hearts and taken residence in them.

"What kind of decisions?" Prim asked bravely and straight-faced.

"Well we would need consent to test for brain death in your sister's case."

"How likely is it that she'll wake up?" Finnick dared to ask.

"If we confirm her brain dead... There is no hope she'll ever wake up." I hid my face in my hands. She had to wake up. For me, for Prim, for everyone here. Did she realize just how many people needed her?

"I don't think insurance covers the tests though." Prim said.

"Most likely not." The doctor responded.

"Do you really think she's brain dead?" Gale asked.

"... Yes." The doctor answered.

"What other decisions need to be made?" Prim asked professionally.

"Well, the matter of organ donation-"

"She can't be an organ donor," Prim answered, "They said there was something preventing her from being an organ donor. Something about the knife and the scar tissue."

"Alright," The doctor said, "Then there's the matter of life support, if or when we're to take her off of it. If you'd prefer we can keep her on it until after Christmas. Then the legal matters,"

"Can I really make those decisions? I'm a minor still."

"Since you are her only living relative present you have the right to make medical decisions on her behalf." Prim nodded, "I'll be back once you've decided." The doctor said leaving the waiting area.

Prim was silent for a moment before saying, "Happy fucking Christmas eve." She wasn't crying yet, but I was and so was everyone else. Even Gale was crying. If she wasn't going to wake up, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Everyone else was surely thinking the same thing.

Prim chuckled slightly, "God she'd hate all of this. She'd hate that they'd used so many resources on her already. She wouldn't want any of this. She wouldn't have wanted you people to fly down here for her. She'd have wanted to intrude on as little lives as possible."

We all let her words settle in the air for a bit. "Prim, it's your decision." Madge said evenly. "What ever you decide the doctors will obey your wishes."

"No it's hers." Prim stood up and took a deep breath. "Peeta will you come with me?" I nodded and followed her to the front desk.

"Excuse me ma'am." The nurse knew who we were, "Is there anyway I can see my sister?"

"I'll go and see," She said leaving for a brief moment.

"I can't go in alone." Prim said quietly. I nodded as the nurse returned.

"Come with me please." She said as we followed her. In the ICU there was no noise, the lights were dim in the entire hall, and it seemed like everyone was already dead. "Please be very quiet." The nurse said opening one of the doors.

I didn't look at her right away. First I noticed the huge window on the side of the room. Snow and stars, a perfectly serene Christmas eve, a perfect day to die.

There were two chairs one on either side of her. For Prim and I to say our goodbyes.

Then I noticed Katniss, bandaged up and asleep. Only asleep, the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor provided the only sound. Her eyes appeared to be taped shut. Her face bruised only slightly, a scrape here and there.

Her left arm wrapped up in bandages. Her mouth had a tube coming out of it so she could breathe. Her head wrapped up with bandage.

Prim spoke again, "Can we take off some of the bandage?" She asked this quietly.

"Sure." The nurse said walking in before Prim and I moved an inch. She unraveled the bandage so Katniss's hair flowed freely. "If you need anything else please ask." She said leaving us alone.

Prim took a deep breath and sat beside her sister. She immediately began to braid her hair.

I sat on Katniss's other side. I held her hand and watched her chest rise and fall. She was breathing, she'd just have to keep breathing and I'd have hope.

We must have sat there for hours Prim braided small sections and then braided them all together within the time of us just sitting there. Katniss looked slightly more alive with her hair like that.

I leaned my head down to her ear and whispered encouraging words, and sweet nothings. I wondered if she could hear me or if I were just left to wonder. The doctor from before came around sometime after the sun had risen.

"Have we made a decision?" He asked.

"Yes." Prim said, "But can the rest of our friends come and... Say goodbye?" Prim asked with tear glistened eyes.

The doctor nodded solemnly "Would you like me to bring them?" He asked. I nodded for Prim, as she was now sobbing into her sister's neck.

"I'm so sorry Kat." She said, "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have brought mom home. I'm sorry."

I leaned down and whispered into Katniss's other ear, "Please, don't give up. Show them. Show them you're fine. Please Katniss."

The others all walked in together. All of them looked timid, crying, and afraid. Each of them took Katniss's hand whispered something in her ear. Annie was a complete wreck, Glimmer hid away from everyone, and even Haymitch said something to Katniss as she lay in her silent slumber.

I took my seat next to her again, as the doctor walked in, "We're going to remove the chest tube now." He said before pulling out the tube from her mouth. He disconnected a few wires until she finally looked human again.

The heart monitor beeped on, "It could take hours for her heart to slow down. You can stay if you wish." The doctor began to leave but stopped at the door, "I'm sorry for your loss..."

We all stood around in the room as the lights dimmed with the setting sun.

"I can't stay for this." Prim said before breaking down completely.

"Neither can I" Annie told her, Finnick held her tighter after her words.

"Why don't we all go back to the farm?" Gale asked.

"I want to stay." I said.

"Peeta," Annie sighed.

"She should have someone with her." I told Annie.

"Alright, you can call us when she passes." Gale said. "I can take the rest of you guys to the farm."

Everyone nodded and slowly filed out of the room. I was left on my own to hold her hand as she slipped away. I was afraid for her, afraid of what would happen when she died.

I sat with her, not moving at all. The whole night I sat there without a wink of sleep, her heart still beating, her lungs still breathing.

When the morning came Gale called. I told him nothing had changed, I still had hope.

A nurse came in and checked up on her, "Sometimes it takes a while for the heart to stop. It can take up to a week for her to die."

"I'll stay until then." I told her.

She nodded, "Would you like me to set up a cot for you?" I couldn't even imagine sleeping though I hadn't slept in two days.

"No thank you."

She muttered a sympathetic "Alright," The whole day ticked by in a slow beep of her heart monitor.

I felt tiredness flow over me constantly throughout the whole day. But it was no more prominent as it was when night blanketed the hospital.

I laid my head on her bed, close beside her head. I kissed her cheek, and whispered, "You'll be okay. I love you Katniss, I love you."

I unwillingly fell asleep at midnight. I wish with all my might, to this very day, that I had stayed awake for her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Katniss POV**

I'm swinging, still eternally swinging on the pendulum of time. Back and forth, back and forth just like time. Repeating and never-changing. Time has a way of doing that to you, making you feel like you'll never stop swinging. Like time; you feel like you'll never stop swinging but your pendulum will slow down.

They say your life simply flashes before your eyes when you die. You see everything you've ever seen in your life time before passing on. They say there's a light, but I never saw any light, nor did I see my life.

I was laying in the dark, I couldn't move, my body bound to the nothingness. It was like I was taped to the swinging eternity. I felt looking around would not help me. Like I was simply waiting for something that would appear above me.

I could hear voices all around me, and strangely I felt loose. Like a rope had been eased off of my invisible bindings. When this happened the voices grew frantic, some even screamed. I was strapped down again after that. This happened a few times, my invisible bindings loosen, screams fill the nothingness, and then altogether I'm immobilized again.

When all was silent, I closed my eyes. At least I think I did because the darkness was suddenly whole. Maybe I was moved somewhere in space or time. I'm not sure.

I waited in silence only a concerned sigh every now and then. Hushed voices I could not create words from.

But the sound barrier broke fairly suddenly, and though I tried my eyes would not open for me.

"Hey Katniss," He said, he was here? Why? Why would his voice be in this nothingness, "I know we're supposed to be fighting right now, and I realize now just how much I screwed up... I was pretty stupid, but now I need you. I need you to come back to me okay?"

Come back? But where was I? I felt wetness on my cheeks and a tugging at my hair, but still my eyes refused to open. His thumb traced what felt like my forehead, "I need you." He whispered, then lips were suddenly on my cheek.

All was still for a good while, my eyes glued shut so they too were immobilized like the rest of me. Until I heard this,

"I'm so sorry Kat. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have brought mom home. I'm sorry." Her voice constrained, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her close to me. My baby sister should never cry like that. And what was that about mom?

"Please, don't give up. Show them. Show them you're fine. Please Katniss." He was confident, but what did I have to give up on? Why did I need his confidence?

There was a few moments of stillness before a voice broke the barrier of darkness, "Katniss, I don't know if you ever knew this. But I always did like you. I'll miss you." Glimmer? Why was Glimmer talking to me?

"Katniss, I just want you to know how strong I think you are to have lasted this long. And I'll miss you coming into work early too." Rue was there too?

"I'm sorry this happened Katniss. But I'm glad I got to know you." Boggs? Was that Boggs?

"I'm not good at speaking, but I'll miss you more than you'll ever know." Cato? Why in hell would Cato of all people say that?

"We love you Katniss," Clove can say the word love? And to me? Clove and I were good friends but why would she say she loved me?

"Bye Katniss... I don't know what else to say... But thanks for being part of the team." Ginger? Why?

"Katniss, the floor will feel empty without you. I can't believe you won't get to see the baby... I don't think I can ever have a partner like you." Was Finnick crying over me?

"I don't think we'll ever have another employee like you, sweetheart. Save a seat for me in heaven okay?" In heaven what the hell Haymitch?

"I'll miss you kid, even though I dressed you up like a slut... You were one of the few friends I actually liked." Would Johanna say that to just anyone?

"_I'll miss you Katniss, you truly are my best friend, and now I can't have a maid of honor at the wedding. I hope you know that I'll never forget you._" Madge why wouldn't I be at your wedding? What was that about never forgetting me?

"Katniss, you mean so much to all of us. I can't imagine just letting you leave like this. I'm sorry this life didn't treat you well." Annie what do you mean by this life?

"Hey Catnip... I know that I've really screwed you over... Like a lot, but I want you to know I'll take good care of Prim. And that even through all of this, you're still that kid I used hunt with." Shouldn't you already be taking good care of Prim, Gale? And what is with this used to shit?

"Kat, I can't tell you how sorry I am for this. I was supposed to be hurt not you. This is entirely my fault. I'm so sorry." What was Prim's fault?

"I'll stay right here with you. I won't leave you alone. I promise." Peeta what is this?

But no voice returned to answer any of my questions for a long while. My hand was always held by someone, but my eyes remained shut. The bitter silence ate away at me. The swinging pendulum of time seemed to be attempting to rock me to sleep.

"Are you afraid?" A voice I did not recognize asked.

"What is there to fear?" I asked without using my voice, as I had asked those other questions. Was there someone with me? Was there something to fear?

"A choice. There is always fear in choice."

"Why should I be afraid of a choice?"

"You have been misdiagnosed. You have a chance." It said.

"A chance at what?"

"Life."

"Life?"

"Do you know where you are?" It asked.

"No."

"You are some place not many people have the opportunity to come to. You're in more of a state than a place."

"What kind of state?"

"Between life and death." I still could not move, my eyes still closed, but I was afraid. I was confused and suddenly the swinging of time seemed to slow down.

"Life and death? But how is that possible?"

"Your friends have said goodbye your lover is holding your hand. It is perfectly alright to let go."

"Let go of my life?"

"Yes, you can start over, be reborn. Or you can wake up, return to your family and friends. The choice is a daunting one, I know. If you are to return the pain will be excruciating and recovery will take a long while, set backs may be thrown your way, and life may never be the same. If you choose to be reborn I cannot guarantee a better life for you, nor can I guarantee the love you have felt in this life. So what shall you choose?"

I had no clue, I sat in the darkness for a while, my bindings loosened as I contemplated. The pendulum slowed and sped up frightening me greatly.

If I am to start new, than I won't be related to that awful woman I called my mother. But I'd leave Prim, Peeta, Madge, Gale, Annie, and Finnick. But how many times do you get a reset button on your life?

I had one consistent thought as I contemplated my choice, I never was one to give up and walk away from a challenge. Why start now?

"You don't have much more time." The voice said to me as lips glided to my cheek. "The boy will either sleep through your death, or be jolted awake by the sight of your eyes."

I couldn't think straight for a few moments, but the voice knew what my decision was. I'm sure t knew my choice before it was even asked of me, "Open your eyes." It said.

So I did, my body did not feel constrained and there was no more darkness.

My vision, at first, was fuzzy, and my eyes could only open slightly. Then, as I took in my surroundings, I noticed the dim light right above me.

I felt very heavy and weighed down as I realized I was no longer swinging but laying in a bed. I almost felt like a rock plummeting to the dark depths of the ocean. One deep breath hurt, I felt a cut spread as I breathed, my lungs felt bruised, and my ribs even felt sore. What in hell had I done to myself?

I tried to raise my left arm to my hair, but the muscle ached so much, and another cut burned with pain. I knew that I just couldn't do it. Though it angered me I couldn't move, I released my sore arm muscles, and moaned slightly.

I looked around before my eyes landed on a mess of blonde curls sleeping next me, our hands entwined and dark circles under his eyes. He looked so tired, and at the same time, so concerned, like what ever he feared in his conscious state followed him to his dreams.

I was caught between waking him up and leaving him be. He looked so exhausted, and so afraid.

I finally decided it'd be best to wake him, I soon realized I could only move my head. So I leaned down and kissed his forehead. His eyes creased together as he stirred from sleep. His head snuggled deeper into my shoulder, not wanting to wake up.

I sighed and leaned my head lightly on his. I guessed I could ask my many questions later, and he could get just a bit more sleep. I thought it might do him good to sleep a bit. But then he groaned with tiredness. His free hand wiped both of his eyes clear.

"Morning." I whispered in a cracked tone. His head shot up as if frightened, I couldn't move my own head that fast, but I looked up just to lock eye contact. I watched as his blue eyes grew. He rubbed his eyes again and clutched my fingers tightly. He was trying to grasp reality.

"Katniss?" He asked timidly.

"Yeah?" I asked. He smiled, all his teeth visible, his tiredness suddenly gone.

He laughed, "You're awake." He took my head in his hands and kissed my lips. "I knew you'd come back. I knew you would."

He tried to hug me but the moment his body touched mine, my body cavity seared in pain. I gasped at the suddenly inflamed area of my body.

He pulled back quickly, "Sorry." I held out my hand as to say okay. "I knew you'd come back." He said again.

"Where'd I go?" I asked.

"You've been under the knife a lot recently." I suddenly remembered what had happened to me. My mother having done those things. I must have been in surgery.

"Where's everyone, I heard them not too long ago." I said.

He gave me a questioning look, "You heard them?"

I nodded, "They said their goodbyes."

"They... We... Alright, the doctors said that you were brain dead and that you wouldn't wake up. So they all said goodbye and they went to your farm because they didn't want to watch you die."

"But I'm not dead." I said.

"No," He smiled, "You're not dead." He kissed me again, "How do you feel?"

"Heavy." I said.

He laughed again, "That's the anesthesia I think... Are you in pain, I can go get a doctor if you-" His phone rang as he spoke, "Sorry... Hello?... Gale she's awake!... No I'm serious!... Here," He put the phone by my ear.

"Hello?" I asked tiredly. "Who is this?"

"Gale," He said.

"Well why in hell do you sound so damn upset? Get your ass over here."

"Catnip?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Oh my god." He said quickly, "We'll be over as soon as we can!" He said.

"Don't speed." I warned before Peeta took the phone and hung up.

He stood over me smiling for a good ten minutes before a nurse walked in, "I here to-..." She looked at me with wide observant eyes. "Oh my god." She walked over looked at my IV, checked my heart monitor, took my pulse, took my temperature, and just looked at me in awe, "I'll go get the doctor." She said walking out swiftly.

I looked up at Peeta, "It's so good to see your eyes." He said leaning his head on mine before kissing me again.

"By the way, saying that we're supposed to be fighting is not a good way to encourage someone." I said.

"You heard that?"

"I heard everything." I said before the doctor walked in. Though he was clearly shocked he did the standard procedures.

"Well... It seems that we may have misdiagnosed you, miss. Everdeen."

"I figured." I responded.

"Your vitals are good, your heartbeat is stronger. You seem fairly alert. I think that we can move her down to the recover ward." He said to the nurse who nodded as she left.

"Now, what's the last thing you remember?" He asked.

I told him about the cop telling me they'd help me and how he yelled for an airlift. Then he started asking me a lot of strange questions.

After he'd finished questioning me the nurse from before walked in with a bed on wheels behind her.

"Your mental state seems fully intact." He seemed utterly perplexed by that, "I'll see you downstairs."

"Alright," The nurse said, "Take my hands okay?" I raised my arms, though it hurt extremely. Slowly she helped me to sit up, never had I thought sitting up would be so difficult. She stopped and let me hunch over, I felt like something in my stomach was tearing. I assumed my stitches were pulling.

"Are you alright? Are you going to throw up?" Honestly I wanted to, but I didn't. I shook my head no, "Take a minute to breathe okay?" I nodded. Peeta's hand trailed up and down my spine sending chills across my skin.

"Are you ready?"

I wasn't, "Yeah." I breathed. One leg at a time I was off the bed. Only two steps, and I sat down again.

"You're okay." the nurse assured me I was out of breath and my cuts burned in pain. I wondered how okay I really was, or if she was just saying that because she had to. I guessed that maybe she just didn't know how terrible it felt to get stabbed.

I got myself into the bed, and laying down on the propped up bed felt like a ton of bricks falling on me. I felt my entire weight twofold, simply because I had just woken up from a coma.

They began to slowly wheel me out of the ICU. The nurse told me, that they'd get me pain medication has soon as they could. I didn't want any until I realized that not all of the pain meds had worn off. I was afraid for the pain I'd feel when it all went away.

They set me up in a privet room and administered the pain killers. The doctor from before showed up and began to talk, "It seems that we may have misdiagnosed you. As it appears, you were simply in a coma not brain dead."

"Cool?"

The doctor laughed at my comment, "We're going to bring in the physical therapist at a reasonable hour, to evaluate you. After his evaluation we can see about releasing you alright?"

I nodded lazily as the doctor left. Peeta sat beside me stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

"So what do I have to explain?" I asked.

He looked up at me, "Nothing."

"Really?"

He nodded, "Just rest alright? We can talk later."

"Okay." He kissed my forehead and smiled again. Though I was in a whole world of pain, I returned his smile.

Not long after that, a man came in looking at a clip board, "Alright, we're going to do a few mobility tests just to make sure there's no nerve damage." He proceeded to have me perform simply tasks like curling my toes, and some not so simple tasks like walking.

I think my entire body pulsed with pain when it was all over. My body was screaming at me for the hell I'd just put myself through. But I never was one to give up.

"You seem to be recovering quite nicely." He said checking a few boxes, "I'll be back with your doctor to see where we stand." Peeta was allowed back by my side then.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"We'll see." I responded tiredly. I wanted to sleep for a few more days at that point, just because I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand not being able to breath without pain.

The doctor walked in with my physical therapist, "We've evaluated you thoroughly and we'd just like to see a few things before we release you. First we're going to ask you to remain awake for twenty-four hours, and we'll need to see you keeping food down alright?" I nodded, "We'll have your nurse bring you up something small soon." They both left and Peeta smiled at me.

"You'll be able to go home soon." He said excitedly pushing stray hair off my forehead. I hope I wasn't sweating too much.

"Yeah" I said trying not to move at all.

Peeta's phone rang again as he continued to brush my hair off my face, "Hello?... Yeah, I'll come get you... Alright... Bye." He closed his phone and looked at me, "I won't be gone long, I'll just be bringing everyone up. Okay?"

"Okay." He left quickly. I was finally alone, but for only a brief moment. Some kind of buzzer went off on a machine near by. A nurse sprinted into my room just to check up on me. He turned off the beeping and looked down on me.

"Someone forgot to breathe." He smiled.

"Huh?"

"That alarm goes off when you don't have enough oxygen." He went out into the hallway and came back with a large oxygen tank. "If that goes off again just put this mask on." He placed it over my mouth and nose, "Take deep a breath," He instructed. Using my diaphragm hurt amazingly, but I did as he asked, "Again."

My chest seared in pain but I did it, "One more." I wanted to faint just from breathing, "Good." He said handing me the mask, "Don't freak out if you hear that go off again alright?"

"Alright," He walked away leaving me for only a second before Peeta showed up again. This time with a lot of people. Breathing still hurt and now I had about ten people in my room. How fantastic.

Prim was crying when she entered, she immediately wrapped her arms around me, I bit down trying not to seem in pain. She let tears leak onto my cheeks, and I honestly wondered if her hugging me would kill me.

Peeta got her to let go quickly.

"Sorry." She said frantically once she saw my pale face. I swear whole damned hospital room was multicolored now, as pain affected my vision.

"It's fine." I assured her weakly. Even though I didn't believe this to be true.

"We were so scared." She said, and I tried to hush her. I tried to tell her everything would be okay. But I really didn't have that much breath in me and the machine went off again.

I put the oxygen mask on and took three painful breaths before talking to my friends, "You all didn't have to fly out." I said. "Not with Christmas so close."

Gale stood up, "Catnip, you've been out for five days." He said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Damn." I said.

"We wanted to come see you anyway." Annie said taking my hand, "We were so worried when we saw that news report."

"Huh?"

"That's how we found out." Ginger stepped forward.

"It was all over the news." Rue said.

"It wasn't that bad." I said.

"Really?" Cato laughed.

"It kind of was." Clove added.

"Not too bad though." I said.

"We thought you were going to die." Finnick said, "It was pretty damn bad."

"Fine," I said giving in. After a few hours of light conversation the nurse from before came in and asked them all to leave, but I didn't let go of Peeta's hand, while everyone else exited my room.

"Katniss-"

"You promised me." I said seriously.

"Huh?"

"You promised me you wouldn't leave me alone." I wasn't going to sleep for another couple of hours, and I was afraid to be alone during that time.

"You heard that too." He laughed. I nodded.

"Please don't leave me." I said. He looked down at his feet. He was exhausted, I could tell he was, but I needed someone with me.

I picked myself up which hurt a lot more than I anticipated but I managed to make enough room for him.

"Katniss-"

"Stay with me," I said. He smiled and gave a sigh before crawling up next to me. I rested my cheek on his chest as he settled down with me.

He fit his head on top of mine, his arms loosely draped around my waist trying not to make contact with my wounds.

I don't think it took him longer than a few seconds to sleep. But I remained awake for my full twenty-four hours. And a week later I was allowed to go home.


	14. Chapter 14

She was released a short week later. The doctors all agreed that she had healed very well and quickly at that.

Gale, Finnick, and I were picking her up from the hospital to take her back to her farm. Gale was waiting in the car. Finnick and I stood inside. listening to her doctor go over the many medications she had.

"Make sure to give her the pain medication. Even if she tells you she doesn't need it give it to her. She needs it."

A nurse came around the corner with Katniss in her wheel chair. I couldn't get over how much better she was. A week ago she'd been dying in a coma with no hope of waking up and now she was awake, even smiling.

"Make sure when you get home she showers not bathes. She needs to clean the wounds regularly." I nodded as the nurse neared us.

"Is her ride ready?"

"Yeah he's outside." I said. Finnick lead the way out to the truck we'd driven over there. Fresh snow littered the ground as we loaded her into the car.

I thanked the doctor again before climbing in the back beside her. I leaned over her briefly and buckled her in. She looked uncomfortable as the seat belt settled over her abdomen, but there wasn't a chance I'd let her drive with out a seat belt. Not when she was already so fragile.

Gale tried to drive slowly over bumps, but living so far out in the country side, it was difficult. I held her hand and squeezed it each time her teeth clenched together in pain.

She smiled at me when we reached her farm, "Welcome home." I leaned over and kissed her before unbuckling her seat belt.

I ran across the other side of the car as she was already trying to climb out on her own.

"Careful." I tell her, "You're only just getting home." Once she'd stepped down she took my hands gratefully. With one hand behind her back and one holding her hand I led her up to her bedroom.

I sat her down on her bed so she could catch her breath, "you're okay." I assured her. She nodded slowly as she caught her breath, "Let's get you showered."

"No, I'm fine." She said putting her arm out.

"Katniss the doctor told us you needed to be washed off. We have to keep the wounds clean." I told her strictly.

"She has a thing." I turned and saw Prim standing in the door, "She doesn't like it when people see her naked."

"Primrose!" Katniss' eyes widened.

"I'll get her showered Peeta, you can go ahead down stairs." Prim offered. I nodded and walked out of the bedroom. I walked into the kitchen where the others stood around with mugs of coffee.

"How is she?" Annie asked.

"Bashful." I laughed, "Prim's changing her because she doesn't like people looking at her."

"Now is really not the time for that." Finnick laughed. Though I'd beg to differ I don't argue.

"That's just Catnip for ya. She can wrestle down any animal you set loose on her but she gets downright frightened if you try to strip her down." Gale snickered, "She ain't a fool, but she ain't easy to deal with."

"I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing." Annie said.

"So that means I win right? Because I got her in that slutty Minnie costume!" Johanna sat up straighter.

"Catnip? In something slutty?" Gale laughed, "I'd love to see that."

"Hey! Your fiancé is right here." Madge said.

"You know you can't imagine Katniss in anything sexy hun, just admit it. You'd laugh to." He said taking her waist and kissing her.

"_Yeah yeah bastard," _Madge mumbled.

"I love you." He assured her. We talked for a bit until Prim walked down and said she'd gotten Katniss into bed.

I walked back up to her room where she laid out panting for breath. Her damp hair sprawled around her. I walked over and sat beside her. I held up her head while she took the pills I'd fed her. I slowly lowered her back onto the propped up pillows but she still winced in pain.

"The medicine will kick in soon, don't worry." I promised her. "Do you need anything?" She stiffly shook her head. "Are you sure?" She nodded. "Get some sleep then okay? I'll be back up in an hour."

"Okay." She whispered so softly I hardly understood her. I got up and went back down to talk with the others.

Prim sat on the edge of the table with a notepad on her lap, Annie and Finnick sat at the other end of the table leaning their heads on one another. Thresh, Rue, and Ginger were talking to Prim, teasing her about how she still had homework. Johanna was making fun of Gale for some reason, but his face was bright red. Madge was on the side laughing. Haymitch, Boggs and Beetee were drinking on the side laughing.

Glimmer, Clove, and Cato stood conversing. We all looked like a real family.

"I'm just saying that you sound like a prick and act like one." Johanna said.

"You makin fun of where I come from?"

"No I'm just saying. Coming from a city girl you sound like a prick."

"I bet you think you know all the shit just cause you come from some big ol' city. But you don't know nothing bout us."

"I've seen it all babe. Trust me. You're probably the hot shot cowboy all the girls fawn over. The big tough guy who did everything in high school. You were maybe even a bad boy."

Gale laughed, "You basin your facts off of movie aren't ya? I bet you've never even seen a farm animal in person."

"Gale! Sorry he's an ass." Madge said to Johanna.

"I can tell." Johanna laughed.

Prim looked up from her homework to shove Ginger aside. Finnick rubbed Annie's stomach and smiled into her neck. Cato crushed Clove to him as Glimmer cackled at something.

I spent some time down with the rest of them. We all talked and laughed before I went back to check on Katniss.

I walked into her room and found her with her eyes snapped shut. She looked like she'd been crying.

"Katniss?" I whispered slowly putting my hand on her cheek. She was warm with fever. "How do you feel?" I asked.

She opened her eyes and shrugged. "Has the medicine started working?" Again she shrugged, "What does that mean? It's been an hour you can take more."

"I'm okay." She whispered.

"Now that's a damned lie," I told her outright, "I can get you something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"No."

I sighed at her answer, "You haven't eaten all day."

"I'll throw up." She said simply.

"Do you feel sick now?" She nodded and another tear slipped down her face. Walked swiftly down the stairs and grabbed a large bowel for her. I sat next to her again as she used her good arm to wipe her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She croaked softly.

"I'm here for you okay? Don't be sorry." She started crying again but I wiped her eyes for her.

I sat with her for a while just clearing her eyes of tears and brushing through her hair. Until she actually did throw up. Though I'm not sure how she managed it since she hadn't eaten all day.

She'd thrown up at least three times when I noticed it was darker in color the room I sat in was pitch black as the sun had set already.

"I'll be right back okay?" She nodded and let me leave. I took the bowel with me, once I'd stepped out into the hallway it was clearly blood she'd be vomiting.

I hurried down the stairs and began to wash it out in the sink quickly. Once I'd turned on the water I spoke up, "Gale get the car started."

"Why?" He asked.

"We need to get back to the hospital." I said.

"What?" Prim asked once I'd shut the water off.

"She's vomiting blood, we need to get her back to the hospital." I said running back up the stairs. I ran into her room, "Katniss we're taking you back to the doctor okay?"

"I c... can stand." She muttered. I helped her to her feet but she was weak and fell into my arms. I cradled her in may arms and ran back out to the truck.

She clung to me in pain as I climbed outside. Annie had climbed into the back seat with Gale running the car.

I placed Katniss on the seat and tried to buckle her in but she leaned out of the car and threw up again when I tried.

"Peeta just get in the car." Annie ordered me taking Katniss and having her lean her head on her shoulder.

I ran into the passenger seat so we could speed off to the hospital. Every bump in the road made Katniss gasp in pain.

Annie tried soothing her softly, "You're okay." She whispered over and over again until Katniss asked.

"Where am I again?"

"We're taking you to the hospital honey."

"Who's we?" We pulled into the emergency room lot. Before Gale even parked I'd hopped out of the car and swung her car door open.

Again I cradled her in my arms. Annie went in ahead of Katniss and I Gale locked the car and hurried behind.

The moment we walked into the emergency room we saw people waiting, but the nurse behind the front desk had been one of Katniss' nurses.

He stood up the moment he saw Annie and I. Then he spotted Katniss in my arms.

He took us into a trauma room and had me lay her out. A whole team filed into the room. Her nurse was speaking very quickly and I couldn't exactly understand what he was saying, until he stared at me for an answer. "Well?"

"She's vomiting blood," I said which seemed to me like a good answer. He put an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose.

A doctor came running in to check on her. He lifted her shirt and saw her incision was inflamed, "Get her up into surgery." They rolled her out of the room quickly, before any of us could ask what was happening.

We were escorted back out to the waiting room all of us knew far too well. There we waited but not for too long. The doctors came out quickly actually.

"She's going to be just fine." Was the first thing they said. I was just happy to hear that, "We think that we missed a nick in her stomach when we initially did surgery and the car ride shook her around a bit causing the nick to become a tear. But when she wakes up you'll be able to take her back home."

"That soon?" Annie asked.

"Yes. We checked over her very thoroughly before closing. Now it's just a matter of time for her to heal." I was extremely happy when they said that. She was going to be fine, and she was going to get better.


	15. Chapter 15

**Katniss POV**

It took a week before I could eat at the dinner table with everyone. My rather cautious boyfriend made it difficult for me to do much of anything.

We were sitting in the living room talking about something. I was sitting upright watching my colleagues laugh. The next day they'd leave town, Peeta would stay with me for another week before we both were to fly home.

I began to remember a promise I'd made. I smiled to myself, "Haymitch." I spoke up, everyone turned to me, as I had yet to add to the conversation.

"Yeah sweetheart?"

"I promised you something when we first met."

"Did you?" He asked with a laugh.

"Yeah I did, come on." I said standing up. Peeta stood quickly and walked to me.

"You're standing on your own." He said sternly. He didn't want me moving on my own.

"Yep." I said, "Gale help me out yeah? If you can't keep your own promises help me with mine." I was still bitter about it, I'm not anymore. But then I had been very bitter.

Gale walked beside me as we walked outside. Both Gale and I stood without even a jacket over our shoulders.

Haymitch appeared with the others trailing behind. I made a low whistle to call Barley out. She was a beautiful mare, chestnut fur and a dark mane. She came trotting out just as I'd trained her. I walked into the ring and nuzzled her, "Good girl."

"What is that?" Haymitch asked in shock.

"This is Barley." I said as Gale hooked up a beginners saddle, "She's our trainee mother. Haymitch come on. Gale get the stool." I said motioning for Haymitch to join me.

He seemed hesitant at first and he probably felt dwarfed next to her.

"Well go on, pet her." I told him.

"You want me to get the others up and ready?" Gale asked me.

"Sure thing." I told him with a smile as Haymitch climbed on Barley. "Alright she's a great beginner, just relax and you'll do fine." But he didn't relax. I walked to Barley's rear and gave it a good slap to get her started.

I didn't expect a full gallop but she seemed eager to have someone older than a three year old on her. I clapped my hands twice so she'd slow her pace. Everyone behind me laughed heartily as he clutched the neck of Barley.

I watched Firewhiskey walk out very proudly in his grey dappled coat. "Finnick come meet Firewhiskey." I told him. He ran his hand over Firewhiskey's neck.

"Why'd you name him Firewhiskey?"

"Because he's been known to buck people off for no reason." I smiled at him, "Come on. Darling is making her way out. Glimmer!" I helped Glimmer onto Darling and watched as my three coworkers gripped for dear life onto their horse.

I got Clove onto Sissy, Thresh got on Chicky, I convinced Cato to get on Honey, Boggs gladly took Harley, Beetee got onto Fray, Johanna hopped on Genie, Ginger climbed onto Ariel, I even got Rue up on Rubix.

"Annie, Lucy's coming out you wanna ride?" I called back.

"Is that really safe?" she asked gently placing her hands over her baby.

"My mom almost had me on Lucy here. It's safe." I laughed, Annie cocked her head to one side, "True story, my mom was riding Lucy all the way up to my due date. Her water even broke right after she'd ridden. Lucy knows how to take care of a mom, trust me." Annie reluctantly climbed on her.

"Peeta come on," I laughed motioning him to join me. He sighed as he walked by me.

"You're sure you're ready for this?" He asked me.

"Totally." I assured him as Pumpkin rode over to us, "Pumpkin's a good little girl." I said petting the large Arabian horse.

He softly stroked her neck before climbing up on her back. "Go get em" I laughed letting him go off.

I watch Prim and Gale join the others on their own horses as Archer wandered out all saddled up. I'm sure if he could smile he would at the sight of me.

My snowcap Knabstrup, he was a beautiful horse. He galloped over to me and stopped right in front of me.

"Go easy on me Archer." I told him as he nuzzled under my chin like he always used to. I climbed up on him with only slight discomfort. "And go easy on the newbies huh?" I swear he laughed. Horses develop personalities much like their owners Archer was like my copy.

He went into a low trot as my friends gripped their horses for their lives. Gale, Prim, and I laughed our asses off watching them.

After about an hour I'd decided I'd humiliated them enough and called them all back in.

Gale started helping everyone down, but Firewhiskey took off with Finnick clutching the reins for his life.

I set Archer into a gallop and chased him down. I stole the reins from him and yanked Firewhiskey to a halt.

Finnick jumped off, "That was fucking terrifying."

"Whoa there." I pulled back on a rearing Firewhiskey. "Finnick you go on back." I said hopping off Archer. I got Firewhiskey's saddle off and put it on Archer so he could take it back to Gale. "Go on Archer." I said patting his rear so he knew to go.

"Now what is with you Whiskey?" I asked taking his reins and leading him to the stable. Again he reared and pulled against me, "Easy!" I pulled him back, "What is it boy?" I asked and he only flared his nostrils to respond. "You're being difficult." I told him swinging onto his back to ride him.

He bucked around in a fit of some kind, but I got him to heal as best I could. I walked him around a bit closer to the stable when I noticed a car pulling up to the home. Apparently Firewhiskey didn't like whoever was visiting.

I hopped off him and clapped for him to go back to the stable. I fully ran and hopped the fence scrabbling inside and to the front door.

When I answered the door I realized why my horse had been so skittish even from so far away he knew. These were the very people who let my mother nearly kill me.

"Hello Miss. Everdeen." An old man with bright white hair and piercing blue eyes smiled. A woman was beside him, straight greying hair covered her eyes.

"Hello..."

"Dr. Snow, and this is Dr. Coin." I nodded a bit.

"And you're here because...?"

"We're here to discuss your mother."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "What about her?"

"When we re-evaluated her for our mental institute, we did a medical examination on her as well. We found that she has developed Pancreatic cancer and it has spread fairly rapidly through out her body."

I honestly didn't care, "And why are you telling me this?"

"Because in patients with such extreme mental disability they are not fit to decide their own treatment. However with this kind of cancer and with this much development in the disease we normally offer two routes."

I looked at him with slight curiosity and slight annoyance, "Either we ease the pain she'll be in or we assist her in physicians suicide."

Suicide caught my attention. I knew from school that Pancreatic cancer was the third most painful disease in the world. But I wondered a few things first.

"How did you miss that?"

"The symptoms don't present themselves until much later-"

"She was living in a fucking hospital how did you miss that?"

"We're not that kind of hospital ma'am." Dr. Coin said.

"I know that." I said, I was suddenly angry for all the hell these people put me through. Because of them my mother had been free to nearly kill me. Because of them I'd have to choose my mother's poison. Because of these bastards I would officially become the worst person to walk this Earth.

"We need to know how you wish to proceed."

"... Physicians suicide." I said quietly.

"We'll alert her medical practitioner right away. He can get you all of the paper work to sign. It should be faxed in about two weeks." Dr. Snow said to me. And then they just left me there.

I closed the door, angry at them and myself. What kind of daughter kills her mother? Without even a second thought to boot... What had I just done?

I sat on the couch in the living room as everyone was still lingering outside and it was silent where I sat.

Tears stung in my eyes but I would not let them flow over. I instead fell over so I could lay down in the most uncomfortable position but I felt so heavy. With regret and pain from running and riding.

I fell asleep and I swear I woke up seconds later in a world of pain. But it was darker out so it couldn't have been a moment.

"Katniss," Peeta sat over me, "It was just a bad dream." I was confused. I tried to sit up but my stomach seared in pain, "Don't move yet. I have your medicine here." He said giving me a handful of pills and a glass of water.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"Eight," He said without missing a beat, my assigned time for evening medication. He brushed my hair from my face and I noticed a blanket draped over my legs. It felt so heavy I swore it was made of lead, "You were exhausted after this afternoon. You can go back to sleep if you want."

I shook my head though that felt heavy too, "We have some dinner if you're up to it. I can bring it to you."

"I'll go." I said.

He gripped my hands to help me stand. I leaned on him more than I would have liked to but he sat me in the kitchen where everyone was at just the same.

"Welcome back to the land of the living." Johanna greeted me, "Prim was just telling us all the embarrassing stories from your childhood."

I groaned playfully as I began to eat, "You didn't tell them the swimsuit story did you?"

"I was just getting to that." Prim smiled, "Because I found the issue they sent you when we were cleaning out the attic."

"Nice baby, this is why I don't have many friends." I told her.

"So my sister won the competition in... God where was it. It couldn't have been Tennessee or Nebraska."

"It was South Carolina." I said.

"Oh yeah. Well she won and one of the prizes was this spread in a huge horseback magazine, and they got her in these skimpy little things and put her up on horses had her barrel racing in these bikinis.

"And she was doing the high hurdles and the horse jumped up and the top broke off in mid jump. And she couldn't get the horse to stop until it reached the end of the track. So she had to jump these three foot tall hurdles for a good ten minutes."

Everyone was laughing except for Peeta who was either picturing it or just blushing for me.

"So they gave her a free bathing suit. And here are the pictures." She said showing everyone my endeavor on paper.

"Damn Sweetheart." Haymitch laughed.

"Hey that's my girlfriend!" Peeta said defensively as he looked at the pictures.

"Keep in mind I was sixteen at the time." I said pushing out from the table. I saw Gale leaning in the door way snickering. "I remember how pissed you were about." I said to him.

"Well yeah, then you were MY girlfriend. Not some city boy's." He said.

"What does that mean?" Peeta asked.

"That men much older than my girlfriend saw her bare chest while..." He couldn't even say it. His shame and my anger mixed a bit too uneasily.

Finnick got my ice pack from the fridge while everyone else spoke. "Catch." He called out carelessly. I didn't realize he threw it until I 'caught it'. It bounced off my stomach on to my lap. But for all I new he threw a bag of cinder blocks at my abdomen.

I couldn't breathe for the first few moments. I didn't know how to breathe and I didn't know what was wrong.

"Katniss you have to breathe." I heard Peeta say anxiously. I gasped for air but it hurt more than not breathing. I suddenly felt faint, nauseous, and light. Feeling light scared me the most.

I thought I was going to faint first, but nope. No I threw up first. Luckily someone thought to grab a bucket first...

I felt Peeta wrap his arms around me before carrying me to bed. When he laid me down I felt him change my clothes, and for the first time in my life, I didn't care that he saw me like that. Naked, useless, afraid, mostly weak.

He climbed up beside me and put his lips to my head. "You're okay." He assured me.

"You're a damned liar." I told him outright, "Nothing about this is okay. And you know it." I think I started crying then.

"Just because it's bad now doesn't mean it can't be good again." He assured me. But he didn't know about my mom. How things really would just get worse for a while in my life.


	16. Chapter 16

**Peeta POV**

Once all of our friends had gone back home to Seattle I was able to keep my focus on getting Katniss better. I didn't allow her to ride again after they left, nor did I let her out of my sight for any longer than the ten minutes it took for her to shower.

At night I'd lay next to her and though she'd try to get up on her own I'd always get up to help her. She was stubborn that way insisting I should sleep, but if she needed me I'd be there.

She seemed to be getting better and more of the towns people showed up to visit her. I met many of her old friends and practical family members.

One day in the middle of the week when Prim was off at school I'd helped Katniss to sit on the front porch of her house so she could get some fresh air.

She looked out intently thinking about something. I was about to speak up when we both took notice to a school bus driving by, and actually stopping.

Out poured a group of children five to seven years old and they ran up the dirt road.

She stood up and smiled, "No way." She laughed tenderly climbing down the steps.

"What?" I asked holding her hand to give her stability.

"Those are my kids." She laughed as the group reached her.

"Miss. Katniss!" The children called out as another woman approached behind them.

"Now children be careful," She said before approaching Katniss and I, "The children have missed you very much. They've also missed the French lessons after school."

"Miss. Katniss look what we made for you," each of the children held construction paper cards out to her.

"Thank you Rosie." She leaned down slowly and hugged one of the little girls, "You remembered I like green Brandon. How sweet Jillian." She said as the children gathered around and handed her cards.

The woman and I stood back as each child presented her with a card. "She has a wonderful way with children."

"Really?" I asked both humored and curious.

"Oh yes, she loves them and they love her." As the children seemed to overwhelm Katniss the woman walked forward, "Alright children we have to go back now some of you have your music lessons and others need to get home." The children groaned as they lined up to leave.

"I hope we weren't too much trouble." She says as I help Katniss stand.

"Not at all," She smiles, "You know me, my door is always open."

"Thanks Katniss, will you be back for the egg hunt?"

"Planning on it." She said.

"Bye Katniss, get better." She said taking the lingering kids back to the bus.

I kissed her jaw before helping her back to the porch. "Bad with kids huh?"

"I guess I have a bit of explaining to do." She chuckled slightly.

She looked perplexed for a moment. Almost as if she were questioning herself, "Do you trust me?" I asked.

"Oh god yes. I do... It's just I don't particularly trust myself... I haven't exactly been an angel."

"Neither have I." I told her.

"I trust you." I she said opening the front door.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I need a few things." She said. So I followed her inside for a few paces.

"Wait here." She said walking into the kitchen. I thought it would only take her a minute. But then five minutes passed, then ten, twenty, and at thirty I walked into the empty kitchen.

I looked outside to see her standing with Gale. She was standing proudly as if she were scolding him, he looked ashamed. I walked closer to the door.

But the closer I got the angrier he looked. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. I moved faster to the door. She pushed him off of her saying something that surely had an edge to it.

I opened the door as she walked away towards me. The moment I saw her try and fake a smile I shook my head to tell her I wasn't buying it.

She sighed when she reached me, "I'll get to that." She said avoiding an answer. "Come on." She said taking my hand and leading me through the house and into a room I'd never seen before. "This is what we use for storage." She said flicking on the lights. There were shelves lined with old books and toys. boxes and boxes of unknown treasures.

"Old toys and junk. Now where is that box..." She walked by the shelves to the very end. "Peeta can you come grab this for me?" She asked when she reached the box she'd been looking for.

"What's in here bricks?" I laughed following her out of the room.

"Secrets." She laughed in return. I brought the box up to her bedroom and set it down by the bed. She took my hands and made me look at her. "This box has my entire life in it. I haven't ever let anyone else see it, you cannot tell anyone what I'm going to tell you. You have to promise me you won't say a word."

"I promise." I told her.

"Close the door." I got up and did so. I sat next to her opening the huge box. She stopped my hands one more time, "No more secrets." She whispered.

"No more secrets." I told her giving her a kiss. She nodded so I could open the box. I was finally going to know everything about her.


	17. Chapter 17

**Katniss POV**

When Peeta opened my box I laughed at his expression. He must have been in shock at how heavy a few trinkets and a couple of photo albums were.

"My family had a thing for scrap booking." I smiled pulling out the oldest photo album.

"So I guess I should start from the beginning." I said moving into his arms. I hesitantly opened the scrapbook which started with my dad in high school.

"My parents met in 1975 their sophomore year in high school. Supposedly it was love at first sight. My grandmother had died his eighth grade year, so he really didn't have a woman in his life."

"But wait a minute your sister told me your mom was like fifteen when she had you."

"Was she tired? Because she is terrible about getting things straight when she's tired."

"... Oh." I laughed at his comment before continuing.

"Anyway, they fell in love there were sparks, many mix tapes, rides through the country side, and many late night drive thru movie theatres." I said flipping through the pages of my parents, who were embarrassingly in style for the seventies. I pointed at one picture, "This is their prom picture in 1977. Junior prom." I said flipping to the next page. "At that point my mom wasn't noticeably ill. She was very calm and was seemingly fine."

I stopped at one of the pages, "This is their senior prom picture." I said pointing to a picture of my parents. My parents trying to shield my mom's pregnant stomach from the camera. "She was almost eight months at prom." The next page over was an ultrasound and pictures of my mom and dad feeling me move inside of her. My grandpa was in a few.

"When my Ma turned eighteen they started having sex. When she found out she was pregnant it was a huge town scandal. Her parents kicked her out of the house, people in town stared at her like a wild beast. But my dad loved her." The next page was their wedding photos, "So at eighteen they were married in January right before the second semester of school started up again. The school almost kicked my mom out, but since she'd graduate before her due date they let her stay. Soon everyone warmed up to the idea and accepted her more and more."

I laughed as I turned the page, "My grandpa always had a camera on him. He took pictures of everything, he convinced my parents to get an ultrasound even though my ma wasn't so keen on the idea.

"My ma used to ride everyday before she got pregnant. Hell, even after she'd go out everyday on Lucy." I told him as the saga of pictures with my mother riding showed up, "Every week my grandpa took a picture of her riding and bragged to anyone who asked, that his daughter-in-law was still riding at nine months when most girls could hardly stand on their own two feet." Peeta laughed moving his face deeper into my neck.

"Since all these pictures are going to be my mother giving birth to me I'll move on a bit." I said as a picture of my mom climbing into my dad's car showed up in the album, "I must have been the most spoiled little baby ever. Even though my ma's parent's moved and I never met them everyone in town adored me.

"We have a picture of me with every single cousin, aunt, uncle, and distant relative on my dad's side of the family. I was the first grandkid. My parents took me everywhere with them, all over town, through the country, even to Canada once on accident because my dad refused to believe we were lost." My first baby picture showed up and I cringed.

"My parents really were lucky, because they really did love each other. But my mom was still sick. Every now and then she'd have these attacks where she'd stop dead in her tracks. She'd breathe heavier, she'd cling to furniture, she'd blink really fast, and whisper softly to herself.

"My dad would come up behind her and whisper in her ear, he'd tell her he was there and he'd beg her to come back. And she always did. Every time. I saw her first attack when I was about six. She'd always apologize to my dad and she'd kiss every inch of his face. He always forgave her. And then even if I wasn't in the room she'd come and find me and kiss my face. She'd say she was sorry and didn't mean it and that she loved me.

"I never doubted her, you know? She was my mother." I was beginning to get into the random house pictures my grandpa took of me, "I loved my grandpa. Though when I was little I could only call him papa and the name sort of stuck. My papa used to take me out camping, and hunting, and fishing.

"He taught me how to ride the moment I could walk. He taught me how to build, how to climb, and especially taught me about life itself as he used to say. My papa would take me out every Sunday to meet his hunting friends.

"That's how I met Gale, I was four and he was six. His dad was taking him shooting for the first time, it was like my fiftieth time. I'll never let him live it down." As the years passed in my pictures and I neared the darker times of my childhood I questioned something else.

"Peeta?"

"Yes?"

"What else did Prim tell you?"

"She said that you all always knew your mom wasn't all there, and that when you were seven she got 'confused' and slept with another man."

I nodded, "Okay... That's just what we told her. When she was fifteen she felt like she needed to know more and so that's what I told her. That isn't what happened."

"Huh?" He asked.

"I'm getting there." I said smirking at a four-year old me. "I was a generally happy kid. I didn't fuss around much and I spent the majority of my time out of the house. It seemed like everything was normal.

"But then one day when I was seven years old. My ma and dad got into an argument. I was in the living room with my papa. I had been playing or something when we heard stomping around upstairs. My dad ran out of their room and into the kitchen and my ma followed him.

"They were screaming and shaking each other. My ma was bewildered and almost afraid of my dad. I was afraid of my dad. I was holding onto my papa for the life of me. Then my dad knocked her back. I mean... He hit her... That was the only time I'd ever seen my dad so angry. I'd never seen him hit someone and I never would again.

"But I screamed for my ma, my papa squeezed me so tightly that I could hardly cry anymore. My ma was so mad she started yelling again. And then she started walking away. Papa left me on the floor of the living room, but I got up and followed.

"My ma stormed out of the house. I remember her crying as she ran away. Once she'd slammed the door my dad turned to me. He picked me up and whispered that everything would be alright, 'it's okay princess, everything's okay.'

"I'll never forget as long as I live how angry my papa sounded when he said, 'your daughter saw you hit your wife you damned fool.'

"I was crying endlessly and my dad kept rubbing my back trying to calm me, 'I'd never hit her dad, I don't know what happened to me. I swear dad I've never done it before.' Papa took me out of my dad's arms.

"He rocked me back and forth but sounded even angrier, 'Have you hit her before? Because I will not let my son beat his wife or his kid do you understand me?'

"Dad promised, 'I swear I've never hit her or Katniss, dad. She was having an attack I... I don't know what happened to me.'

"Papa was still infuriated, 'You go find your wife right now you hear me? You're going to find her and make sure she's okay. You're going to make it right with her you understand me?'

"I heard my dad swallow before he spoke, 'yes sir.' he promised before running out to find her. Papa was angrier than anyone about it. I was just afraid.

"My papa made me dinner and the house was silent for once. My papa and I stayed up until ten waiting for one of them to come home. But neither of them did. So my papa took me to my bedroom and put me to bed.

"And now I'm going to cry." I said as fair warning. This part always reduced me to tears, "Um... I was so scared I asked my papa to read me Rapunzel, because someone would always read me a fairy tale when I was scared... And what he said next still ring in my ears." I tried not to cry before speaking, "He said, 'Katniss love doesn't exist like it does in those fairy tales of yours. There is no such thing as true love. There is no such thing as happily ever after. Men are sick cruel creatures. If the human race didn't rely on woman loving men we'd all be better off because no one would suffer like your parents just have.'

I started crying and he knew it, "Sorry... 'don't ever let any damned boy tell you he loves you because he doesn't love you like you deserve and he never will. True love, the kind of love everyone deserves doesn't exist. Don't you let no boy ruin you, you don't need them. You'll be better off alone.' Then I cried myself to sleep. No eight year old should cry themselves to sleep... But I did."

Peeta stopped looking at the pictures instead he held me tighter. Those words burned into me forever, and every time I'd think about those words I'd wonder what I was supposed to do.

"My ma didn't come home. My dad reported her as a missing person. We tried to keep life going as usual. My papa took me out more, my dad came and sat with me at lunch during school. I think they were both afraid of losing me too.

"They found my ma, she was all beat up and I could hardly look at her. My dad kissed every inch of her face and said he was sorry more times than I could count. Ma hugged him back and kissed him a little too.

"She was so beat up she didn't look like my ma. But she held me and kissed me anyway. She told me she'd never be gone again. She told me she loved me every five seconds. We found out that she'd been raped and beat.

"... I was there when she found out she was pregnant. It was a lightning storm. And though I'd just turned eight I was still deathly afraid." I looked up and pointed to the bathroom door, "That door was open and my parents were pacing up and down. So I ran in and hugged my ma's legs. She was so frantic I thought the storm was getting to her, 'Oh Katniss, baby I'm so sorry sweetheart.' She cried when she lifted me up, 'Go on to our bed baby, we'll be there in a minute okay?' I nodded and hid under the covers.

"My ma started crying, and my dad just held her tightly. That's when my parents told me about where babies came from. They told me that though it wasn't planned they were still going to love the new baby. A couple of days later when my papa was out in town I looked up at my parents and said, 'the new baby isn't daddy's is it mama?'

"I've never seen anyone so sad than when I saw my parents faces fall when I asked that. My dad said, 'No but I'll love it like it's my own.' I didn't know how he could say that but he did." We were getting to the pictures of me feeling my ma's stomach when Prim was inside of her.

"I think my papa knew he was dying. He took me out more, told me all of his secret places. He started giving me my grandma's things. He told me how to run the farm. Everything... Have you ever seen someone die?" I asked as I started crying again.

"No." He whispered

"I have, I was sitting on my papa's hospital bed. He was smiling brighter than I'd seen him smile in a long time, he'd been in a lot of pain. And he said, 'someday Katniss, you'll join me.' and I asked him, 'where are you going papa? Baby Prim hasn't been born yet.'

"He laughed and because we were alone he brought me down to lay with him, 'I'm going to a place where I'll wait for you. And I'll show you the world Princess.' and I said, 'Papa you've already done that. Remember our mountain, and our creek, and our hills?'

"And he kept smiling. 'there is so much more Katniss. I'll be able to lift you up high into the air and I'll take you all over the world.' He hadn't been able to do much for a good two months so I was amazed at him lifting me again. I remember his last words, 'The world is a beautiful place to suffer through.'

"Then he closed his eyes, so I figured he was taking a nap... I kissed his forehead and said, 'night night papa.' I snuggled up close to him as his heart monitor stopped beeping. I laid there with him until I heard my ma scream.

"Nurses and doctors ran in and ripped me off the bed. They confirmed him dead in a few minutes. Nothing was ever the same after papa died. He was like my teacher and my best friend. I started spending more time with Madge and Gale.

"When Prim was younger I didn't spend much time with her. Because I was so much older and I knew she was only my half-sister. When I turned ten my dad bought me Archer. He was still pretty young, almost a year old. That's when it's best to start training.

"I spent all of my time with my friends or my dad training. I started competing when I was twelve. My dad took me all over the states to compete. I know my papa would have been proud. My dad took over where my papa left off.

"My ma started declining, her attacks became more regular around Prim's fifth birthday. She'd have one about once a month. But each time she came back. And each time she'd hold me tighter.

"She was a good mom, she was a great mom until my dad died. Even then... Well I'll get there." I pulled out my first little trophy from riding. "I got a medal too, but I buried that on top of my papa's grave."

I sighed as the pictures of my dad got older and I knew what was next, "I wasn't there when my dad died, but Gale's dad was. There was a fight down at the bar. He went pretty regularly to meet up with his friends. One day two guys got into a stupid argument. But they were wasted. The bartender tried to get them to leave. But one of the guys shot off a few rounds. My dad died in surgery. I knew he probably would. But he took my ma with him.

"For the first year after his death I'd run into her room to see her breathing heavily and blinking quickly. Every time she woke up, every damned time. I'd say 'Ma it's okay I'm here. Come back to me ma, I need you and love you. Please ma.' And every time she would.

"She would hold me and cry and apologize. Then she'd be okay, the rest of the day she'd be fixed enough to smile and be there for Prim. I knew she wasn't all back, but I let her hug and kiss me. I was fourteen I wasn't old enough to be alone.

"I grew close to Prim that year, I was going to be her second parent, because every kid needs two. As time passed my ma wouldn't need me everyday. Right before I turned sixteen Gale and I started dating." Pictures of me with Gale seemed almost like lies then. Like he and I were never real. But there we were in photos kissing and laughing.

"One day a week or so into summer vacation I promised Prim I'd take her to the lake. I went to tell my ma. But she wasn't my ma, she was sitting up with glazed sad eyes. I knew something was off because she was whispering to herself.

"I went to her and said what I always did, 'Ma it's okay I'm here. Come back to me ma, I need you and love you. Please ma.' But she didn't come back. She got up and she walked past me. I grabbed the phone and followed her down the stairs. I saw my ma lift a knife over my sister and start to cut her arms up. I was so scared I hid behind the wall for a few moments.

"But I heard Prim yelling for me. She needed me, so I called 911, I told them my ma had a knife that I was scared and didn't know what to do. They said they'd send help. I heard Prim call my name again so I jumped on my ma. She really wasn't my ma she wasn't back. It wasn't her fault...

"I was sixteen but I felt like a six-year-old. I had to fight to keep my little sister with me. For a whole year my town helped me find loopholes in the system so I could keep the farm, and keep my sister.

"When I was seventeen I owned property and had the custody of a child. I was like her mother, and Gale was almost her father. God was I busy." The next picture was my Junior prom, "I started to feel like I could keep my teen years. Hell I was so busy I almost dropped out of high school. My grades were passing but not great. I spent time riding, competing, and I still had time for Madge and Gale.

"At senior prom Gale promised me everything." I said as my prom pictures showed up, "He told me someday we'd travel the world. We'd get out of this one horse town. That we'd get married and nothing would stop us. He promised me he'd never hurt me as long as he lived. I was so ready to get married and live with him. But then he didn't get taken by the army and everything changed. Suddenly he never wanted to leave. He wanted to settle down and have kids.

"I'd find out later it was more than being rejected by the army... I was twenty years old when we called it off. It was mutual, we wanted different things and he was more of a brother to me. We stayed close friends and there was that little bit of longing to get back with him. I told him I loved him for crying out loud. That was hard for me to do." I steadily became angry as I remembered what happened.

"And then when I moved away. In September I got a call from Madge, she was distraught. She apologized over and over again. I asked her what had happened. She said, 'Katniss I haven't been honest with you. I need to come clean right now.' I told her to go on. As a back story Gale had wanted to sleep with me when we were eighteen. I told him I wasn't ready yet.

"He told me he understood and that was that. The topic never came up again. But then Madge told me, 'Gale and I were sleeping together while you were dating. When I was nineteen we found out I was pregnant. I went to Canada and got an abortion.' Then she kept saying she was sorry. And I knew that's why he wanted to settle down. Why he wanted to get married.

"I told her I forgave her, but I haven't forgiven him. Because that damned bastard proved my papa right. Nothing good came from love. The one time I needed someone to show me my life wasn't some fucked up Shakespearean tragedy and he failed me. Time after time he let me down and he just went too far.

"I didn't want my papa to be right but he was. God, my papa was dead on right. I hate that Gale made a fucking fool of me. I hate that he fooled me into love. I hate that everyone knew he was cheating and I didn't. My papa was right, I shouldn't believe in love." I took a minute to compose myself.

"You saw Gale and I yelling earlier right?" Peeta nodded, "I walked out to get the key to the storage room. For the first time we were alone together and I lost my shit. I flipped out on him and he flipped out back. I couldn't hide my anger anymore. I just lost it and I don't know... I guess it was only a matter of time."

We were still flipping through photos when he spoke up, "What about your French class?"

I laughed, "I lied to you. I love kids, they remind me that there once was a time when I was innocent and that the world once was a good place. And kids believe in their dreams and they make wishes on dandelions, they make wishes on stars and believe everything they're told.

"Kids say little things that are adorable and make you laughed. But I'm no good for them though I wish I were. I'd just mess them up. People like me corrupt a little kids perfect world. Their bright and shiny world is turned upside down when they learn that there are people like me out there.

"I volunteer and teach kids because they can make an impact on me and I can make a good impact on them. Being a teacher means I get to teach them new and exciting things. Good things. But on my own I'd just corrupt them."

"I don't believe that." He said to me. "Not for a minute."

We reached the end of the last album, "I'm just a walking problem." I sighed putting the book back in. I took out one of the loose pictures and smiled fondly at it.

"What's that?" He asked.

"...When I was eighteen I started thinking I couldn't handle it anymore. I was sitting in my bedroom looking out the window with a book in one hand and a razor in the other. But my ten-year old sister came into my room and saw me staring out the window. I think deep down she knew what I was going to do.

"She walked into my room and she tugged on my pants. She took out a marker and wrote on her hand, 'you're too strong.' I started crying as I lifted her into my arms. She kissed my nose and said, 'you lost ma and dad to Kat. I wasn't the only one who lost my parents.'

"So I sat her in my lap and took the marker and wrote on my wrist, 'I'm too strong.' And she wrote on my other wrist, 'I won't break.' And right then we took a picture together. I had it hanging in my room for a while, and she has her own copy. I think we both look at it when we feel like we're going to break." I showed him the image.

I watched him study the picture and then look at the box. "So that's my life story." I said, "Those are all my secrets in one convenient little package. Now that I've reopened every wound I have; You want some dinner? We can order out." I said with a light tone but heavy heart.

He looked at me with cloudy eyes, "Answer one more question for me Katniss?"

"Sure."

"Do you still believe what your grandfather said to you?"

I looked at him blankly, I didn't have an answer. I didn't know what to say or how to say it, "It's like... Something I can't explain. It's something that's always there and you always question but you're not sure how to feel about it... I know that I have walls built up. I know that It's hard for me to not question everything people do. But I'm not sure I don't believe in love as a whole.

"Family is supposed to love you more than anything. But that hasn't exactly worked out for me either. So I'm still trying to figure it out... Does that make any sense?"

He nodded slowly and brought me closer. he rubbed my back and laid us both out on top of the bed. As I began to drift off to sleep I remembered my mother, and for only a moment before sleep took me I thought, One last secret that I never want him to know.


	18. Chapter 18

**Peeta POV**

I fell asleep comfortably that night with Katniss nestled in my arms. The air had finally been cleared, she finally told me her entire life. I knew I'd have to tell her my life story as well sometime. But that could wait. Right then I had her safe in my arms.

I woke up to screaming at two in the morning. Katniss squirmed in my arms as she let tears seep through her closed eyes.

I brought her closer to me, I kissed her hairline, and whispered in her ear that she was safe. I'd never let anyone hurt her. I quieted her screams and she settled down for a moment before silencing completely.

I wondered when her nightmares started, if she'd always had them. Life sure hadn't been kind to her, she could be dreaming about anything. One thing was for sure, I wanted to be there every time she was afraid.

Before I fell back to sleep I pondered her answer to my final question. I think I took it as a challenge. I suddenly wanted to let her know that love did exist. That it was something to believe in.

That next morning we were packing up to leave. Our flight was late in the afternoon so Prim could see us off after her school hours.

I had piled our small luggage cases into the car we'd rented to drive us to the airport.

Gale had come to say goodbye, Madge had already flown back to her abroad program. I didn't even want to look at him after what Katniss had told me. But I said a polite goodbye and hugged Prim before climbing into the drivers side of the car.

The whole way to the airport we talked about finally getting home. How it felt like years had passed when we were only two weeks into the new year.

Once we'd returned the rental and checked in we decided we had enough time to not rush through to our terminal.

When we went through security Katniss had to show certain paper work showing she'd had surgery. Though I was nervous that they wouldn't let her through she was perfectly calm.

"So now that you've met my family what do you think?" She laughed.

"Prim has a cruel sense of humor."

"Oh you have no idea. When she's with her boyfriend I literally feel the need to tell her to have safe sex. I swear she'll have sex before I do... Wait she already has." I laughed and kissed her forehead, "Anyway I haven't called up the office to see when I start up work again."

"Don't start too soon. You're still recovering."

"Yeah I know." She sighed clearly fed up with being taken care of. I kissed her temple, "If that is bad imagine Annie and Finnick when I get back." She muttered to herself.

I laughed as we reached our terminal. Our plane was just starting to let passengers off from the previous flight.

I kept her hand locked in mine even as we boarded. Our flight was pretty full, and with us being in the middle of the plane I was sure to keep her close.

The plane took off for out hour and a half long flight. I didn't realize how tense I was until Katniss leaned into my ear and whispered to me, "You're alright. Everything's okay."

I felt my body relax, "I know it is." I told her, "I'm taking care of you remember."

She nodded slightly and rested her head on my shoulder.

Half an hour into our flight we hit a pocket of air that caused quite a bit of turbulence. Katniss squeezed my hand comfortingly. She kept assuring me that everything was alright.

For the rest of the trip, I won't lie, I was actually freaking out. I was nervous and shaking. Even with Katniss anchoring me to the seat.

When we landed I felt like I'd let out a heavy pent up batch of breath. I was afraid, and shaking so badly I wasn't sure I'd ever be steady again.

"Peeta, sweet." Katniss said to me after I don't know how long, "Stand up for me please." She said. I looked at her, she must have climbed over me and gotten our luggage down from the overhead bins.

She took my hand and helped me to my feet. She led me off the plane and sat me down in baggage claim.

"You're okay." She promised me. "You're okay, I'll go ahead and get your bag. Then I'll get you something to eat alright?" I wasn't sure I really possessed what she'd said. Because if I had I wouldn't have let her take care of me. I was supposed to take care of her, not the other way around.

She went to the luggage carousel and left me a lone for no longer than five minutes. I managed to get a hold of myself before she came back.

I got back my composure and stood up to grab out two carry-ons. When she came back I noticed she seemed a bit off. Not like I had been though, like she were sick.

"I got your bag." She said, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I assured her, "Don't worry about me. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She said, "did you drive here or-"

"Yeah come on." I said but after a few steps I turned back, "Let me take that." I said taking my bag.

"I've got it,"

"Katniss, your doctor said-"

"I know, but it's on wheels." She protested, "Let's just go." She said so we kept walking. Both of us keeping a close eye on one another.

We loaded our bags into the trunk of my car before we clamored into my car. The rhythmic tapping of rain hitting the windshield was harmonized with Katniss sighing.

I looked over to see her sinking into her chair.

Her hair stuck to flushed pink cheeks, her eye-lids were dark and tired. Her lips were parted and parched. I knew something wasn't right. I leaned over and moved a few strands of hair from her face. She was burning with fever.

"Katniss." I whispered.

"Huh?" She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"I'm taking you to my house okay?"

"I'm fine." She said.

"I don't trust you by yourself yet, alright." She didn't answer me so I drove her to my house. I helped her out of the car even thought she tried to do it on her own.

I got her up the stairs and into my bedroom.

"Katniss." She looked at me slightly confused, "Take your medicine when I get back I'll help you change."

I ran out to the car and pulled out our things. I tried to be quick but the moment I got back up to my room she seemed worse. She was more pale, seemed to be slowly fading away.

"Katniss, I'm going to help you get changed now." I told her. But she didn't move. The moment I pulled her shirt over her head, I saw that her incision was inflamed. I'd call the doctor once I got her changed, I'd decided.

Once I'd laid her out on the bed and pulled blankets over her my phone rang. I picked it up quickly, "Hello?"

"Peeta? It's Annie."

"Hi... Hold on a minute." I put the phone to my chest, "Katniss?" She looked at me with glazed eyes, travel had really gotten to her. "You call down to me if you need anything." She only closed her eyes.

I sighed as I left the dark room and closed the door behind me. "Yeah Annie?"

"Finn and I are almost there."

"Here!?"

"Yeah, we wanted to catch up with you."

"But-"

"We'll be there in a few minutes." Annie hung up then.

I was not ready for a little visit. Not with Katniss so sick upstairs. I ran up and put a bowl beside her and closed the door again just before Annie and Finnick waltzed in the front door.

"Hiya friendship!" Finnick shouted, "Get down here!"

"Um hey guys-"

"We've missed you so much Peeta." Annie said hugging me.

"It was only a week." I said.

"Your point?"

"Work's been so dull without Katniss there, has she called management to see when she'll start up again?"

"Not-"

"It's a bit soon for that Finn, give her some time." Annie said.

"We've given her a month. I'm ready for-" Just then we heard a crash come from upstairs. I can't remember the last time I ran that fast.

She was on the floor curled up in a ball writhing in pain.

"Katniss." I tried not to shout at her as I lifted her, "What hurts?" She didn't answer exactly, just murmured a bunch of nonsense. "Finnick start the car." I told him cradling Katniss in my arms. I was careful when I sat her up in the back of Finnick's car. Annie sat in the passenger seat while I held Katniss firmly in my arms.

The ride was rough, at sharp turns Katniss groaned in my arms, but I wouldn't even think of letting her go.

The hospital ER was calm enough that she was taken right away. I was already beyond afraid, having Finnick and Annie around didn't help much either.

The doctors finished quickly, they told us that there was a mistake in the first surgery she had, apparently they left something inside of her that was cutting her up from the inside.

Needless to say I was beyond angry at the hospital in Montana.

The doctors said she'd be fine. She was even awake when we were allowed to see her. I got to take her home with me the next day with very strict orders to keep her off her feet and as relaxed as possible. What a challenge that would be.


	19. Chapter 19

**Katniss POV**

I remember before I left the hospital Peeta and I got into a small argument. I was convinced I would be fine at my apartment. But Peeta was determined to prove me wrong.

"Kat, you can hardly stand on your own." He argued.

"So what? My place is small, I won't have to far to go to get anything."

"But what if you fall? What if you forget to take your medication?"

"I won't forget. You don't just forget about something like that Peeta."

"I just don't trust you alone yet." A nurse walked into my room then to hand me more papers to sign, "Why don't we get a professional opinion." He asked me with a sly smile.

"Because then you'll win." I laughed with him.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" The nurse asked us.

"Yes actually, we were wondering if it would be alright for her to live by herself."

The nurse sucked in her lips, "I guess you could if you really wanted to."

"But should she?" He edged her on.

"I wouldn't recommend it... At least for the first week she should have someone with her just in case."

"Well now he's going to think he's right." I smirked to the nurse who returned my smile.

"Thanks." He said as she left. He leaned down and kissed me, "I love you." He told me.

I felt like since I'd told him about my papa, he was determined to make me fall in love, or at the very least know what it meant to be in love.

He took me home before mid afternoon. He hardly let me walk, and yes I found it aggravating very quickly.

He laid me out on his bed. Our suit cases, still fully packed, were spread around his room.

"I'm going to get you some water really quick. I have a few things to do downstairs but then I'll be right here if you need anything." He smiled kissing my forehead.

"Alright I'll just grab my b-"

"No, I'll get it." He said grabbing my laptop case, and handing it to me. He placed it beside me, "Don't move okay? I'll take care of it. Are you going to Email Prim?"

"Yeah, and I've got work to do."

"I don't want you working," He laughed but was serious.

"I still have bills to pay, mortgages to update, books to balances, and a job waiting for me. I have stuff to do."

"Just take it easy."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes.

"I'll be back." He said.

I sighed as he left and pulled my laptop over to start working. I had a huge amount of junk mail. I got instant messenger up with Haymitch while I went through my many bills.

It didn't take long for my darling boyfriend to get back to me.

I pulled a movie up on my laptop that we watched together before Peeta had to make a phone call to the enlistment office.

I emailed a few documents to Haymitch, while the files were loading Finnick hopped onto messenger.

Finnick: Online are we?

I laughed before responding: Yes.

Finnick: I'm guessing you're better then.

Me: I'd say so.

Finnick: Peeta doesn't?

Me: Nope.

Finnick: Then I'll take his word for it. Stop working and recover.

Me: Really Finnick?

Finnick: Yep. He's online too I can very easily message him that I think there's something off about you. ;)

Me: Wow mature.

Finnick: Seriously we all miss you get better and come hang out with us again!

Me: You make seem like I'm not trying!

Finnick: Are you?

Me: Yes!

Finnick: But really get off the work page or I'll message him you're working.

Me: I'm sending Haymitch something for that Norwegian ambassadors visit to DC.

Finnick: I don't care what you're doing, you need to get better.

Me: Speaking of which I have to take my medicine. And the file finished loading. Bye Finnick.

Finnick: Bye bye!

I took my medication and sent the documents to Haymitch who responded quickly.

'Thanks sweetheart, now get better.'

Needless to say I was damned tired of everyone telling me to get better. Peeta came up to the bedroom soon after I'd closed my work tabs.

"It's time for-"

"Already took them." I said pulling up an email Gale had sent about the finances.

He laid across the bed and kissed my cheek.

"What are you doing?" He asked curiously.

"Seeing what bills Gale paid and which ones I need to pay now."

"Gale?" He asked.

"Yeah he paid some of the bills on the farm because they were due when I was still too out of it."

"You trust him like that?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's just, normally people don't trust their ex's like that."

"He still works for me." I shrugged.

"I guess," He sighed.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"It's just, after what he did to you, I can't believe you still trust him."

"He made a mistake, but just because he ruined our romantic relationship doesn't mean he's any worse with finances."

"I know." He said.

"Well then what is it?"

"I'm not going to lie, I don't like the guy."

"You don't have to like him. I don't either, right now at least."

Peeta sighed and looked at me sadly, "I hate that he's still a part of your life."

"What? Why?"

"Because he didn't treat you well. I don't think people like him deserve to have amazing people like you in their lives."

"A lot of people don't treat me well, you get used to it after a while."

"You shouldn't have to."

"Doesn't mean I don't."

"Katniss, why is he still a part of your life?" He asked me honestly.

"Because I trust him."

"How can you trust someone after they do something like that to you?"

"We've known each other forever Peeta. One little thing won't ruin our friendship."

"I'd hardly call cheating one little thing."

I turned back to my computer, "Just... leave it alone it's in the past now and it isn't a big deal."

"Isn't a big deal? Katniss you're letting this asshole walk allover you."

"Hey! Watch it! He's still like a brother to me and sure he screwed up but don't you dare say that about him." I said angry with him.

"How can you defend him when he broke your heart?"

"I'm not going to stop talking to him or stop trusting him over something that meant nothing." Sadly my voice cracked.

He looked at me sadly, "It meant nothing?" He asked quietly.

"It meant nothing." I said typing again.

"You can't believe that." He said.

"I have to."

"Breaking your heart means something. You can't believe that him making you fall in love and betraying you meant nothing. He may start to think it meant nothing. You're not nothing. He'll hurt you again."

"He can't hurt me again because he didn't hurt me in the first place. I don't care!" I could feel myself fight away the urge to cry. I closed my laptop and looked at him, "I find easier just to not care about anything."

"But you do care, everyone does."

"I don't want to... I've learned to stop feeling things like that. It makes it much easier when they tear you down."

"Not everyone will hurt you. Please tell me you don't believe that."

"What am I supposed to believe Peeta!?" My vision was burry with tears. "Think about it the people who are supposed to love me more than words can express. The people who are there for you through thick and thin.

"My ma tried to kill me. Twice! My dad hit my ma and no matter how many times he said I love you neither of us could ever forget that. We were both scared he'd lash out until the day he died. My grandpa told me love doesn't exist for Christ sake.

"My baby sister the one sane person in my life has put me through hell. Do you know what it's like to be a sixteen year old, in high school, paying a mortgage, running a business, working part time at another business just to pay bills, doing an independent study project teaching children so you can get into a good college, fighting a custody battle for your eight year old sibling, dealing with the loss of a parent, and dealing with the trauma of your mother nearly killing you?"

"I was going back and forth between a court room and a mental asylum. Those doctors, made me sit there with my mother. My sick, decaying mother.

"They made me try and help her relive her old life. Do you know how badly I wanted to die? How many nights I was too exhausted to cry myself to sleep? How hard it is to sit in front of your mother and not have her remember you? How much I hate my father for leaving me alone to deal with all of the shit he left me?

"I still hate my father for leaving me. I hate my mother for destroying me. I love my sister, but part of me? Part of me hates her too for what she put me through.

"I'd take care of her even though the court said a sixteen year old couldn't possibly provide for her. I did every single day I took care of her until I was given full custody of her.

"Then if I wasn't working doctors pulled me aside to try to bring my mother back to me. But she never came back and she never will. And that sucks yes but there is nothing I can do about it.

"Everyone I have ever known has hurt me. That's just how its always been." I was sobbing at that point. "Most of my life is blocked out of my mind. I can't allow myself to remember a lot of my life. Do you have any idea how pathetic that is?" I asked but didn't want answer.

"It's not pathetic." He said, "It means you're strong enough to move on."

I looked up at him, "I'm a train wreck. And you know it."

He bit down and scowled at me, "I hate that you can't love yourself. I hate that you don't even seem to remotely like yourself. I hate that you don't want to feel or think feelings mean nothing. I hate that you feel like you've lost. You haven't lost at all. I hate that you're the only person who can't see how wonderful you are."

"What is there to love?" I asked quietly.

"You're beautiful, you're selfless, you're strong, you're kind, you're smart, you love with a full heart, you're just... You."

"It's hard to love yourself when no one else does." I said.

"I love you." He kissed me then before looking me straight in the eye, "I love you so much. Annie and Finnick love you. Haymitch, Boggs, Beetee, Johanna, Ginger, Rue, Glimmer, Cato, Clove, Thresh, Prim, Madge, and yes as much as I'd hate to say it even Gale loves you. All those kids you used to teach, love you. Your whole town your mom and dad and grandfather they all love you. Even though they aren't here anymore they love you. My parents love you. But none of them love you quite as much as I do."

He kissed me again, "And I promise you that no matter what I won't hurt you. I'll keep loving you no matter how hard it is. Because damn it you need to know how it feels to be loved. You need to know just what love is."

We kept kissing for a long while after that when we pulled away to catch our breath he'd say something along the lines of, "Goddamn I love you." Even when he moved me in ways that hurt I didn't stop kissing him because it simply felt nice. It felt nice to have someone who hadn't hurt me yet.

However once we'd kissed for one whole hour he said the most unromantic thing to me, "It's eight." He said looking at the clock.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Your evening pills." I honestly laughed as our foreheads touched.

"You're quite a killjoy." I said flipping onto my back and grabbing my prescription bottle. My evening pills made me tired really quickly.

Peeta had me settle down in his arms so I could fall asleep.

**Peeta's POV**

I didn't sleep. I couldn't have slept because I subconsciously wanted to be awake the moment she started to have a nightmare. I didn't want her to scream and be afraid. I wanted to be there with her.

So as creepy as it may sound I just watched her sleep. I watched her face relax, I watched her breathe rhythmically. I watched her because I felt like she needed someone to watch over her. Maybe that sounds weird to you, but I had just realized how utterly alone she'd been for all those years.

How she didn't have anyone. I was going to be her someone.

I say her eyes crease as if she had a head ache first. Then she whimpered a bit, I didn't waste a moment. I stroked her hair back and kissed her temple. "I'm here I promise you you're okay." Her breath settled down a little, but tears still leaked through her dream into the real world.

I cleared her cheeks and settled down next to her so I too could sleep. When morning came there wasn't anyone by my side. I freaked out I'm not going to lie I scrambled around the bed, "Katniss?" I called out.

"Huh?" She asked walking out of the bathroom.

"Oh Christ you scared me." I sighed leaping out of bed and taking her hand, "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I just went to the bathroom." She said as if I were the crazy one.

"You could have woken me," I said, "I don't mind."

"It's ten feet away," She said as I took her back to bed.

"You know how I feel about this." I said.

She chuckled and kissed my nose, "Too bad I don't care."

"Katniss." I scolded.

"Peeta." She mimicked, "I'm fine." I gave her a look and she laughed, "I promise I won't start running until next week." She said playfully.

"Now you're trying." I said laying her down on the bed.

"You guessed it Sherlock." She took me down so I balanced over her, "Now guess this." She said before kissing me.

"That means you love me." I whispered.

"Close." She whispered, "Try again." She kissed me again.

"Means you never want to let me go." I told her.

"Closer."

We were barely apart from one another's lips, "M-"

"Peeta!?" Annie and Finnick called from downstairs.

"Y'all know how to ruin a moment!" Katniss called down. I sighed and kissed her neck.

"Later?"

"Later." She whispered back.

"Oh God Peeta!" Finnick said opening the door. "You were going to go down on her!? She just had surgery!"

"We were not going to sleep together." I chuckled.

"We were just having a moment!" Katniss laughed, "And if my dear boyfriend would get off of me I'd chase you out so we could continue."

"Well now I'm not getting up." I told her.

"I could push you off." She told me.

"I bet you could." I said sarcastically. We wouldn't get back to our moment until the end of the week.

We had breakfast with Annie and Finnick while we caught each other up on our lives.

Annie and Finnick were planning their baby shower for April sixteenth the Wednesday before Easter.

I hadn't told Katniss I was planning on flying out Good Friday to spend Easter with her. We spent the most of that day with Annie and Finnick. Once they Left Katniss had already crashed from exhaustion.

The next day neither Katniss nor I were quite in a romantic mood. And for the rest of the week she was preoccupied with work and bills. While I was straightening out my enlistment forms. They'd passed through the first sector of acceptance. I just had to get it through two more and I'd be good to start training that Fall.

Then end of the week came. I was taking her back to her apartment, and well we got our moment. We were standing on her rickety old balcony she pulled me down to kiss her. And so for a long time we kissed the moon over our heads.

"I love you." I told her. She kissed me more, "I love you so much."

"Tell me." She whispered

"I love you more than I could ever tell you."

"Close."

"I love you more than You will ever know."

"Closer."

"Marry me."

She pulled back with wide eyes, "What?"

"I-I... I didn't say that did I?" I didn't mean to say that. Why in hell did I say that?

"Uh..." She turned around and ran inside.

"Well shit."


	20. Chapter 20

**So this got crazy long crazy fast so multiple parts it is. Next part should be posted in a day or so. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Katniss POV**

I tried not to think of how incredibly strange Peeta's comment had been. Marriage? We hadn't been together for a year yet. Sure after everything we'd been through together it felt like a lifetime. But I was just unsure about all of it. I was just going to suggest we try sleeping together.

Was that so weird? That I wanted to try and have sexual pleasure with my boyfriend? I wanted to at least talk to him about it. But that just didn't happen at all. Maybe his comment wasn't meant for my ears, maybe it was off hand.

Well I blocked it out of my mind and got myself back to my first day of work. And good god I don't think I've ever been told to stop lifting/sit my ass down so many fucking times.

Working was the easy part, dealing with everyone reminding me to take it easy and take my pills was the hard part.

The first two months went by, I eased my way back into my normalesque lifestyle.

Peeta and I hadn't brought the topic of marriage back up.

We'd been on a date when his own family had a crisis of its own. His father had suffered a heart attack on Friday March 28th. I was instructed by Peeta's mother to take care of Peeta by making him leave the hospital. I hate being in hospitals, so getting him out of there was a good thing for the both of us.

I'd taken him to his house. We sat in his car for a good ten minutes once he'd parked in the garage. Him gripping the wheel. Me unbuckled, on my knees, my forehead resting on his head. It was an awkward position I know that, but what more could I do?

That's when he looked up and kissed me so quickly so many times I could hardly breathe. The chair jerked back to a laying position.

I'd felt him start to strip me, I let him. I selfishly let him to be honest. Both of us were half naked and ready to shag when he started crying.

"I'm sorry." He whispered crying more and more.

"It's okay, really." I assured him, "We'll go inside and you can shower off." I pulled my clothes back on and opened the car door. He also slipped back into his clothes and got out of the car.

I directed him upstairs and ordered us chinese food. I found Monty Python and the Holy Grail in his VHS stand. I pulled it out, along with Grease, Moulin Rouge, and American Pie.

When he got down the stairs I smiled pulling the videos out.

"What is that?" He asked not at all amused.

"I thought you might need some cheering up." I said, "I pulled this sucker out because I remember you telling me you used to watch it with your grandma and dad in high school."

"My dad may be dying Katniss I don't want to watch a comedy."

"Well how about American Pie? Or some show tunes could do you justice. I found Moulin Rouge and Grease in your entourage."

He sighed as I laughed, "How about you go home? You don't have to take care of me."

"I'm going to take that as you need show tunes. But you don't have any Disney, I could make a run to the blockbuster around the corner."

"That's very sweet Katniss, but my dad-"

"You wanna know what we did the day my dad died?" He looked at me with curious eyes, "My mom pulled Spaceballs out of the cabinet. Fucking Spaceballs because that was my dads favorite movie. She cried the whole damn time but she said that dad wouldn't have wanted to leave without seeing it so we watched the damned thing until three in the morning."

He cracked a smile, "Well I don't actually like Grease; Beauty School Drop Out irritates the crap out of me. American Pie was the first R movie I ever saw and with my dad nonetheless, no matter how many times I watch it I still cringe. Moulin Rouge makes me cry every time."

"You want me to make a run for a Disney movie? I'm sure I can get a hold of Aladdin or Little Mermaid. Unless you're a Cinderella fan."

"Nah, Disney movies are great and all but I like my women a little ballsier."

I laughed a bit, "Monty Python?" He nodded, I popped the VHS into the video player.

We ate our food as the movie began. After skipping over credits we began to enjoy the movie.

Well at least I was. After I'd eaten I laid across his lap. We got through half the movie when I realized he was crying.

"That French scene is so much funnier now that I fully understand it." I chuckled.

"I bet." he said with an unintentional quiver in his voice. I looked up from the screen, his cheeks had streams of tears running along the sides.

"Peeta,"

"Yes?"

"You're crying," He didn't answer me so I paused the movie. "Peeta-"

"I'm sorry." He said as I sat up.

"No it's alright really, we can stop now. It's okay Peeta."

"He's dead I know it."

"No you don't I'm sure he's fine."

"You don't get it Katniss." I didn't respond, I didn't want to say something stupid. You know, something along the lines of, I do know what your going through and tenfold at that, "We just lost my brother not even two years ago we can't lose my dad now. We won't make it."

"Yes you will, your dad will be okay. Everything will turn out you'll see." He was silent for a moment calming himself.

I looked him straight in the eye, "Better?"

He nodded, I kissed him softly. He looked back at me and sighed as he reached into his pocket.

He slapped a small black box on the coffee table. His eyes asked the question really.

"Peeta-"

"Please Katniss."

"You're very distraught Peeta,"

"But I truly mean this."

"No, not while you're like this, I don't want it like this Peeta." He started crying again, "I want you to be happy I do Peeta, but this is not how either of us want this to happen. I know it Peeta, you would rather this be special."

I picked up the box and handed it back to him. He looked at it and then at me, "Keep it, you decide when the time is right."

I took the box and told him to go upstairs to get some rest. He did as I told him and I was able to slip outside once I was certain he'd fallen asleep, I left him a note telling him I'd gone home.

It was no surprise that the rain was pouring down, but since I still had a good couple miles walk ahead of me I tried my best to beat the rain. I tried to run but about a mile in I slipped and fell on my ass, which was not a very flattering moment for me.

I'd twisted my ankle as well but continued to walk through the pouring rain, in the cold. I wound up at the hospital looking for Peeta's mother. She wasn't hard to find.

I sat with her for a moment, me soaked to the bone, her frightened that her husband may never wake up.

"How did you do it?" She asked me.

"Do what?" I return the question.

"Live through something so terrible. Something so unbearable to think about?"

"I... I never was one to just give up. I guess that was it really." She nodded.

"And... Were you ever the same?" She doesn't want her husband to change.

"I was better than the person I had been." I told her. She didn't say anything more but clutched my hand for reassurance.

A doctor sought her out, "He's awake." Mrs. M squeaked with joy, and embraced the doctor at the good news. The doctor gave her instructions on his care post illness. She wrote them down to be sure she followed them to the T.

I left then, I left in an awkward stumble, limp type thing. I wanted to walk home, but I ended up at Billy's instead. I only had one drink while I talked to Billy, I did that cliché thing where the bar tender becomes your therapist because I really need one.

Then at about one in the morning I meandered home half drunk and unaware that I'd sliced part of my back open when I fell on my ass. I mention this because; I went to bed soaking wet, which was not a first for me. That's how I found out the hole absorbed blood, as when I woke from a nightmare, I'd reopened the cut in my back and I bled allover the bed.

I stayed awake because the rain was crashing around outside, my clothes were sopping wet, and I was afraid from my nightmare. Not to mention my bed was now covered in blood. I showered off and looked at the time to find it was only five thirty. My ankle had swelled a bit, so I propped it on a pillow in my living room and iced it.

I had a stack of books beside me as I decided to spend the entire day reading. I had just finished the book I'd been working on for the past month when I heard something drop in the bathroom. I had to hop my way to the bathroom since I didn't want to actually hurt myself.

I'd hung my clothes from the previous night in my shower to dry off. The black box that Peeta had given me was in my bathtub, having most likely slipped out of my pants pocket.

I fished it out and took it with me back to the couch. I placed it on the coffee table before I went back to reading.

Since it was Saturday I had no plans. Peeta would surely be at the hospital with his mom and dad. Finnick and Annie were working on the nursery for their little boy. Johanna had a date, and I was a bit hung over at the time so I couldn't remember anyone else's plans.

At about one in the afternoon, Peeta called me, but I didn't answer, mostly because he shouldn't have been calling me he should have been with his family. Also I had a sinking feeling he'd try to discuss the question of an engagement. Which yes I was avoiding.

He called again, and again, but then stopped for an hour before trying me again. At about five I turned my phone off entirely.

I spent a quite evening alone... Well sort of alone. What I mean by that is, I was laying in bed my phone and the black box shoved in the drawer of my nightstand. Just as I was about to fall asleep someone came into my apartment.

I'll give you three chances to guess who it was... If you guessed my darling boyfriend you're right.

He turned on the lights and looked around my apartment, I opened my eyes and knew it was him, "Peeta what the fuck are you doing?"

He jumped and ran into my room, "You weren't answering your phone. I tried to call you, and I messaged you. I wanted to talk to you."

"So you broke into my house?"

"You gave me a key remember?"

"Doesn't give you a free pass to come to my house in the middle of the night."

"Well... I wanted to let you know the good news. My dad's awake. He's going to be fine."

"I knew that already."

"You... You did?"

"Yes I went to the hospital and sat with your mom until they told her he was awake."

"... Oh, I didn't know."

"Clearly," I sat up then so we could both sit erect like normal people.

"I have more good news. I've been accepted in the military."

I smiled then, "Congratulations."

He chuckled nervously, "I leave for training at the end of April. Don't tell anyone though. I don't want to be talked out of it."

I kissed him, "I wouldn't dream of talking you out of it."

"I knew you wouldn't. That's why I told you."

"And I'm your girlfriend I count for something."

"You count for a lot."

"So... Soldier Mellark, why don't I give you a gift?"

"Hmm?" I kissed him quite fervently. He knew what I wanted and didn't miss a beat.

"You sure?"

"Oh yeah."

So that's how I spent my Saturday... Moving on.

I spent the early part of April doing things that seemed to be like before Christmas. I went to Billy's with Finnick and Johanna every Friday night. Peeta and I went out together more often due to his leaving soon. Peeta still hadn't told anyone he'd been accepted by the military and wasn't planning on it until April 22 an exact week before he left town.

I remember being at Annie's pastel colored baby shower. More people I didn't know attended than people I did. I stayed close to Peeta but was dragged away for an all girls game.

That was at about three thirty. I got the phone call that changed my life not ten minutes later.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Miss. Everdeen it's Dr. Snow, I'm calling on behalf of your mother."

I snuck inside away from the crowd and the game I was only partially enjoying/paying attention to. "Yes?"

"I think her time is near, you may want to arrange an earlier flight."

"... Is it bad?"

"Yes."

I swallowed thickly, "How bad exactly?"

"You won't believe me if I tell you. Just please try and fly in today."

"Alright." I hung up and immediately changed my flight to one departing in an hour and a half. I stepped outside and quickly found Johanna. "Jo, where's Annie?"

"She's not around, she's with her family or something."

"If anyone asks where I am, tell them my flight got bumped up to an earlier time and I have to go finish packing."

"Got it." She said so I could leave. I made it home in record time, I packed my things, and made it to the airport.

I kept thinking about how afraid I was, what was wrong with my ma? I was still angry at her, but if she was dying. Well I'd get to that.

I still don't remember the plane trip, I only remember arriving at the hospital.

It was getting late, the sun was starting to set and I remember coming to a conclusion. My ma was not to blame for what she did. Her doctors Snow and Coin, the people who'd let her free even though she was very sick were the enemy. They were the people I hated.

Let me be the first person to say that I detest being in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. It is the most difficult place to be in the entire hospital, even the morgue is less gruesome. That's why I was happy to learn that my ma had been moved to a privet room down in the terminal illness ward.

When the nurse who'd led me around got me to my ma's room I found my ma's lead doctors all around the door.

"Miss. Everdeen, we only have one last paper for you to sign." Dr. Coin said.

I nodded taking the clip board, "Can I see her?"

Dr. Snow nodded, "It may be difficult for you."

"Why?" I asked handing the clip board back.

"Because... Well you'll see." He assured me. "It won't take longer than an hour for her to pass."

I nodded again as he opened the door.

My ma's head turned to the door, "You have a guest Mrs. Everdeen." My ma looked at me for only a moment before her eyes recognized me. Actually recognized me, for the first time in almost ten years. But she was in clear pain.

"My angel," She whispered.

I was in shock, she knew who I was, "Ma?" I asked walking to her side.

"My sweet little angel." She tried to touch my face but her arm was strapped to the bed.

"C-can... Can we take that off?" A nurse walked over and removed the cuff on ma's wrist.

"Come here angel." She smiled weakly patting the bed. I sat beside her, she pulled me down to lay in her arms, "I'm sorry."

"Mama... I missed you."

"I know, I'm so sorry I left you Angel. I won't do it ever again I promise you."

I started crying then, "Ma."

"Shh, I know that I'm dying angle. I know, but I'll be more present in your life dead than I have been the last ten years." She seemed so completely caught up it was frightening.

"Mama,"

"I love you so much Katniss. You've grown up so much, and so quickly. You never gave up and it seems to have paid off. Look at how wonderful my little girl is." She squeezed me closer. They released the rest of her bindings as she lost more strength. Once she was freed everyone left us alone.

She brushed my hair with her fingers, "I'm so proud of you angel. So very proud. You knew what I wanted even when I couldn't say it."

"You wanted this?"

"Yes, I would have picked what you did angel. Because I wouldn't want to suffer, you already knew that. Don't say you killed me, you didn't. You made it so I could be free."

That made me feel so much better, and not at the same time. I'm still not sure why, "I love you mama. I've missed you so much."

"I know angel, I know. I'm here now. But you must do something for me. You have to remember me as I am now. Not as a monster who wou-"

"I will mama." She kissed my forehead.

"Tell Prim I love her, and tell Gale if he wants he can have your hand."

I laughed a bit, "Gale and I broke up ma."

"Well, if you think a boy deserves you then know I give my full consent. As long as you approve I approve."

I snuggled deeper into my ma's chest. "It' been so long."

"I know."

"I've done so much."

"I know."

"I wish you had been there ma."

"I do too angel... I need to tell you something angel." I looked up at her tired aged face, "In the master bedroom you know the locked drawer?" I nodded, "The key is in the storage room in the box labeled 'Financing Junk' there's some old credit card pins but only one key. You'll find something that I know you'll appreciate."

"I'll find it when I get home. I promise." She smiled and kissed my head again, "Mama... What movie do you want us to watch for you?"

"Gone with the Wind of course... You know that." I nodded, "Don't let Prim know. Never let her know about..."

"I already have that handled,"

"Of course you do. You have everything handled." She was getting weaker, more tired, closer to death, "I hope your father's been behaving up there. Although his mom is up there, he probably is."

"Yeah." I chuckled.

"Don't cry too hard for me... Please Katniss... you're too strong to bawl for me." She was fading fast.

"I love you mama I'm sorry about everything. I never hated you."

"I know angel. Teens tend to do that... Though you were in the right... You were and still are the perfect daughter Katniss... Know that..."

"Mama." I whispered.

"You're perfect angel... You're perfect to me."

"Mama?" I whispered again. But she was gone by then. I'd let her slip away from me she'd finally come back to me after all this time, and I'd let her go.

I left the hospital as soon as everything was in order, there wasn't much in her will to give away since I already had the right to most everything my family owned so it was quick.

I sat in the parking lot for the longest time. Only able to hear her last words over and over. She'd told me I was perfect.

I soaked up the courage to drive away after the sun had finally sunk and was long hidden by the mountains. I drove off to a clearing in the woods nearby still unfocused on the road. I laid in the bed of my truck. And for the first time in a while I stared at the sky. I found pictures in the stars and I cried harder than I knew possible.

My ma, my crazy mother had died a sane and dignified death. What more could I want? I wanted her alive. I wanted my ma back, she was back. Why did she have to leave?

It was getting late and increasingly cold so I began to drive back home. I dried my eyes though they were still red and bloodshot, surely to produce more tears as the night continued.

I'm not going to lie I screamed when my phone went off. I parked in the middle of the open road, as if I'd almost hit something, as I answered.

"Hello?" I asked distraught and frightened.

"Hey Katniss! It's us."

"Who?" I asked shielding my eyes from the road for a moment to regain my composure.

"Annie, Finnick, Peeta, Johanna, Haymitch, and Rue you're on speaker. We were going to hang out after the shower but you skipped out on us."

I sighed starting up the car again. They just didn't get it. They didn't know what had happened to me I knew that, but I was angry at Annie's comment. How dare she say that to me? "Oh right... Sorry. My flight got bumped up."

"Don't worry about it, we were just making sure you were okay. Last time you went home didn't end so well." I couldn't manage a laugh. It stung when she said that to me, "You are okay right?"

Imagine my luck because just then a deer jumped in front of my car and a hunter was shooting at it.

Once I'd screamed and the dear was out of the way gun fire sounded off right by my car. I could breathe again when bullets were no longer firing. I even heard screaming on the other line. I put them on speaker. "I'm alright." I told them, "I'm fine."

The hunter approached my car, "Sorry about that ma'am the deer was a bit to fast for me to catch him. I didn't get you did I?"

"No, no everything's fine." I assured him.

"Did I shoot your car? I'll go get my insurance card. I'm insured for bullet holes." He promised me going back to his car.

"Guys I'm fine just a local hunter and deer, I didn't get hit everything's okay."

"Oh thank god Katniss you nearly scared the life out of me." Annie said.

"Sorry." I said halfheartedly.

"What on earth are you doing anyway?"

"Some of my old friends and I got together. We went out for dinner." I answered with a lie.

"Oh," Annie responded.

"Katniss, it's Peeta. You left before I could tell you I'm coming to spend Easter with you. I leave Friday."

Oh god please don't, please I need time. "That's great... Can I call you guys back when I get home I'm on the road."

"Okay hurry!" Annie laughed through the phone as she hung up. The man came back and handed me his insurance card before sending me on my way.

I drove all the way home and found it was almost midnight.

"Kat? What are you doing home?" Prim asked when I walked in.

"I got in early. Looks like we'll get to spend some more time together Baby."

Prim stared at me for a moment, "Are you okay Kat?"

I had to be honest with her, "No Prim. I'm not. sit down okay? You're old enough to be kept in the loop."

She sat down quickly. She sat up very attentive to what ever I was going to say, "The doctors called me and told me mom has a very rare kind of cancer that is very hard to treat." She nodded. "And the doctors were going to take her into surgery today to check her out."

Prim sighed, "She didn't make it. Did she?"

"No Prim. She didn't make it." I told her. "I'm staying until Wednesday now for the funeral."

She looked down sadly, "Was she in pain?"

I got to give her an honest answer, "No she wasn't in any pain it was quick."

Prim nodded and hugged me tightly. "At least I still have you."

I chuckled, "Now what movie do you think she wants us to watch?"

Prim chuckled too, "Gone with the Wind. It's her favorite."

I agreed, "You get the movie setup and I'll make some popcorn." She half smiled setting up the movie.

Yes we did watch a four hour long movie at midnight. Your point?

Once the credits began to role at the end of the film Prim turned to me. "Kat? Can I sleep in your room tonight?"

"Sure baby, have you showered yet?" She shook her head no, "Go on upstairs and shower then you can come to my room." I told her going into the kitchen to clean our dishes.

My phone surprised me by going off in my pocket.

I hastily answered it, "Hello?"

"You didn't call back. We've been waiting." I knew right away who it was.

"Sorry Peeta... Do you know what time it is over here?" Trying to see if I could simply say I'd crashed the moment I got home.

"It's almost five your time." He told me.

"Are you still with everyone?"

"We're still at Annie and Finn's place but I'm alone right now."

"Hey, what time do you fly in Friday?"

"Noon Katniss, but that's not why I called."

I wrote down noon on an available sheet of paper. "Why did you?"

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Katniss don't bull shit me I know you've been crying I can hear it in your voice."

"I-"

"You promised me you wouldn't lie to me anymore Katniss."

I had promised him that much, but I suddenly couldn't bear the thought of what I'd done anymore. I couldn't fight away the gaping hole in my heart anymore.

I broke down and I lost the ability to speak.

"Katniss, Katniss honey calm down and tell me what's the matter." But I couldn't anything that came out was a bunch of gibberish, "Katniss what happened? You can tell me." But I couldn't tell him.

I couldn't breathe, "Katniss you need to breathe what ever happened you need to tell me." I heard the faint sound of someone else listening in on our conversation.

"Is she okay?"

I couldn't anymore so I dropped the call and turned off my phone. I ran up to my old room and quietly sobbed into my hands. I was officially an utter wreck.

Prim came into my room that night I held her tightly and she the same for me.

She begged me not to ever die, she didn't want to have no-one left. I already had no-one left to take care of me. No-one left to be there for me, but that didn't mean I'd leave Prim. I could never do that.

So that night we cried together as we mourned the loss of our mother. Her last words still swam in my head. She thought I was perfect. That was the last thing she'd wanted to tell me. I was perfect to my mother.


	21. Chapter 21

**Katniss POV**

I woke up early Thursday morning before Prim got up. I took a quick shower and once I had she was awake.

"Morning baby." I greeted her.

"Morning Kat." She rubbed her eyes, "What are we going to do today?"

"I figured we could go out for some breakfast, maybe go on a trail ride."

She nodded, "Can we come back for Holy Thursday mass?"

"Is your boyfriend alter serving?"

"Maybe." She said in a joking uncomfortable manner.

"If you're going to screw him have the courtesy to leave the church first this time." I joked.

"We don't have sex that often Kat!"

"I hope you don't but it's none of my business."

"If you must know we won't be screwing because I'm ovulating until Sunday. You happy?"

"I don't know are you going to be PMS at ma's service?"

"No, I won't."

"Good. Go get ready alright?" She got up from my bed and left to change. In the meantime I went down to the stables before Gale was destined to show up and retrieved the key for the storage room.

Prim was ready for breakfast by the time I returned. I took her out and we had a rather good time. She caught me up on all the local gossip and went into... Excruciating detail about her and her boyfriends endeavors. It wasn't any of my damned business though.

When we got back I asked her to saddle us up, mainly because I didn't want to have yet another blow up at Gale.

I went ahead and turned my phone on again. I had six missed calls in the past seven hours. I didn't even listen to the voice mails. I knew what they were about anyway.

I dialed up Haymitch however.

"Haymitch."

"Hi it's Katniss."

"Well, everyone here's been worried sick about you, sweetheart. Why'd you call me? Can't tell them yourself?"

"I'm calling because I'm going to be taking Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off."

"Really, why would that be?"

"Bereavement, sir." I answered.

"Oh... I'm sorry for your loss."

"It's fine really. Do you need a certificate of death?"

"When you get back, I'll file it down right now." He said shuffling through papers, "How you holding up?"

"I'm alright, I'll be better when the funeral's over. It was hard being there when it happened, but otherwise I'm fine."

"Alright so Monday through Wednesday... It's in our file."

"Thanks Haymitch. I'll see you in a couple of days. Happy Easter."

"Happy Easter Sweetheart." I went out for a ride then. For the first time in almost a full year I got to ride Archer and feel the wind rush past me. I got to be so incredibly alive.

How I'd missed riding, how I missed being so free. That even once I'd reached the top of the mountain I kept on riding trying not to let any earthly thing hold me down.

However Prim reminded me that she didn't want to miss church. So we rode back, she put on something nice while I changed into something clean. I wasn't trying to impress anyone.

I was done with a vast amount of time to spare. So I went in the storage room and read each label on each box. I found the box of ma's funeral plans. She had all the numbers I needed to call, she'd prepaid for everything and had everything ready to go from the moment my dad died.

I was grateful for that. I wouldn't have to plan for it. I did eventually find a very dusty box that read, 'Financing Junk' and in it there was only one key, just like she'd said.

I slipped it into my pocket and locked the storage room before taking Prim to church. Prim's boyfriend offered to take her out to which my only response was for them to drive safe. I made it home on my own. My phone had twelve missed calls. Still I ignored it.

I went to my room and opened the drawer. I don't know why I was surprised the key not only fit but opened the drawer. I think it's because that drawer had always been locked, for all eternity it had been. But here it was unlocked and ready for me to retrieve its contents.

I opened it and found a large lock box occupying all the space in the drawer. I pulled it out and found it was not at all locked. Inside I found one note with my name written in my ma's handwriting. There were also two jewelry boxes sitting inside the box beside a few stacks of dollars. I didn't pay much attention to anything other than the letter.

I read the letter immediately.

_Dear Katniss, I know you're wondering what this is so I'm just going to tell you. It's needless to say that I'm not well. And as such I know eventually I'll be carted off to a mental hospital. I don't know when it'll happen or why but I wanted to leave you this box._

_Inside you'll find $200,000. My entire savings and inheritance from my parents. This is to be used for a very limited amount of uses. And since it is my money I will ask you to follow my instructions._

_This money is meant for you and you only. This is the money I want you to use for your wedding. That is the only thing Katniss. If you run into hard times I don't discourage you from using it, but please use this only for you and your future husband. I also request that you do not use this money for Prim, I have a separate hiding spot that only she and I know about. It's written in my will that her box belongs to her. _

_This money is to be used for your wedding and honeymoon. And if you still have remaining money after this to buy your first home. And if you still have any money left buy something nice for my grand baby._

_Use the money wisely Katniss, I have faith you will._

_The jewelry left in this box is also to be used on your wedding day. I have provided you with your something old (Well it's new now but by the time you use it, it'll be old) and your something blue. Your something old is a silver rose pendent on your grandmother's chain. I don't know if you recall but you used to love roses, only purple ones though. Your something blue is something you used to see me wear. You used to love it when I'd dress up and you'd always make me wear it. Now I give it to you._

_I know it's not enough to give you bits of a past that you may not be so fond of. But I hope that when you do get married, you'll remember your father and I. At our bests._

_We love you Katniss, Mom._

I picked up the two jewelry boxes and saw the brooch I'd loved to see on my mother. I now know it's referred to as a Victorian swirl brooch with a sapphire in the middle. But at that moment I had wonderful memories surge through me and the idea of wearing my mothers brooch on my wedding day was unreal. The necklace she'd said was new still had a price tag on it.

I just looked at the rose for a moment smiling at my own memories. The ones that were whimsical, carefree. The part of my childhood where I believed in silly things like magic and love.

My phone went off with Prim's tone so I answered it, "Hi baby."

"Hi Kat, Mrs. Morgan wants to know if I can spend the night."

"I don't think so baby. Peeta's coming into town tomorrow and we've gotta get the farm ready for Easter."

"Peeta's coming?"

"Yeah he only told me yesterday he was flying in. He gets in at noon."

"Well I'll be back by nine, promise promise."

I sighed, "Alright, but be back BY nine no later understood?"

"Understood, thanks Kat. I love you."

"Love you too." I hung up and not a moment later did I receive yet another phone call from my darling boyfriend. This time however I did pick up, "Hello?"

"Kat! You answered."

"Yeah what's up?" I asked putting everything back in its box and locking it.

"We didn't finish our conversation from last night."

"Didn't we?" I asked.

"No we didn't, you didn't tell me anything."

I sighed, "Peeta-"

"Don't lie to me."

"I can't tell you Peeta."

"Yes you can Katniss. I'll understand."

"No you won't."

"I will I promise you."

"I can't, not over the phone."

"Katniss please."

"No,"

"Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"Really?"

"Really, I do."

"Katniss do you realize that you've not once in our entire relationship said I love you to me?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You don't trust me."

"Yes I do Peeta."

"Then say it, tell me you love me."

"No, I don't need to prove anything to you. You're my boyfriend."

"You don't trust me."

"Yes I do or I wouldn't have-"

"Or maybe you just don't love me."

"Peeta-"

"Well which is it? Do you not trust me or do you not love me?"

"Neither."

"Then tell me you love me."

"Stop making this about you."

"You're right I'm so damned selfish."

"Oh shut up."

"So that's it, you don't love me."

"Peeta stop it."

"Then why can't you say it?"

"Because... I want to mean it when I say it."

"So you wouldn't mean it now?"

"You're kind of forcing it on me so no I wouldn't."

"You don't love me, how long were you planning on stringing me along like that?"

"Peeta you are way out of line."

"I'm completely in line Katniss, we've been together for almost a year now and you can't even say you love me."

"We've been together seven months."

"So that's your excuse?"

"Peeta seriously I'm not at all in the mood for this."

"And you think I am?"

"No-"

"Seriously what is your problem? You're acting incredibly immature."

"Now I'm immature?"

"A little bit, trying to hide things from me, not trusting me, not really even loving me."

"My god Peeta this has nothing to do with you. You were the least of my worries until right fucking now."

"Okay so I'm also at the bottom of your list."

"Oh my god you're so frustrating!"

"How do you think I feel? I'm trying to be conscientious of my girlfriend and you're over there yelling at me for it."

"No you started yelling first."

"Yeah because you don't fucking trust me!"

"I told you I'd tell you when you got here you idiot!"

"One more thing to add to the list."

"Damn it Peeta,"

"You know what why don't I tell you what I think about you? I think you don't take other people into consideration, I think you're independent to a fault, I think you don't know when it's appropriate to open your mouth, I think you are a bitch simply because you can be, and I think that while your mother is bat shit crazy you aren't far behind!"

"Don't you dare talk about my mother like that you sick bastard! Say what you want about me but not my mother, what kind of respect is that?"

"Sorry I can't respect the woman who tried to kill you twice!"

"My mother was a wonderful, kind, loving, caring woman and I will never and I mean never love anyone like I loved her." I was crying and screaming like a lunatic now.

"Especially not me right?"

"Yes, especially not you!"

"Well I see where I stand."

"Good." I was finally able to process what I'd just said.

"Well if that's how you feel I think I'll be staying here in Seattle."

"You do that." When he hung up I threw my phone into the wall breaking it instantly. I curled up in my bed and sobbed so loudly I thought I was suffocating myself. What an asshole.

The next morning I left Prim a message saying plans had changed. I told her something had come up and Peeta wasn't coming anymore so she could stay out as long as she wanted.

I went out and bought a new phone and new supplies for the Easter party.

I started setting up the farm for Easter. I hid away Easter eggs and set up the long tables we used during the holidays for eating, crafts, and even dancing. Some people can get pretty tipsy.

Gale came by to help me set up and while we did so we chatted a bit.

"You aren't gonna jump me this time right?" He jarred at me.

"No... I got all my angry out last night." I said softly, "I don't have any angry left."

After a moment of silence he spoke up, "Well what happened?"

"Peeta and I... Well I'm not so sure we're together anymore." I said as we set up the large out-door cooking area.

"Oh... Is that what you wanted?"

"... No."

"Is that what he wanted?"

"I'm not sure. I just know he was really angry and he made me angry back."

"What was it about?"

"I just, didn't want to tell him about Ma over the phone. I wanted to tell him in person, and he blew up at me. He was yelling about how I don't love him and that I don't trust him."

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Love him and trust him?"

"I trust him."

"But do you love him?"

"I don't know Gale. It's complicated."

"Is it because of me Catnip?"

"A bit."

"And your papa right?"

"Right."

"Catnip, I was a complete and utter asshole to you I know that and you know that. Don't use me as an excuse to not admit to your feelings. I was a jerk yes, but we both know he's better than that. Don't shit me, you know he'd never do what I did." I looked at my best friend as he spoke, "As much as I hate letting you go he loves you. I'm okay with you dating other people if they love you and treat you like he does. You're like my sister. I don't want you to get hurt."

"It's hard for me to love people you know that."

"Yes, but are you willing to lose him?"

"No."

"Would it be so hard to tell him that you love him?"

"... You know me."

"Yeah uptight, let yourself go Catnip, or he's gonna leave you behind. You won't find another one like him I can promise you that."

"I know."

"So answer me, do you love him?"

"I want to."

"It needs work if you want him back."

"How do you know I want him back?"

"You were not nearly this down when we broke up Catnip, you want him back."

"I guess."

"Tell me Catnip what did he say?"

"He said I don't take other people into consideration. That I'm independent to a fault. That I don't know when it's appropriate to open my mouth. That I'm a bitch simply because I can be. And that while he thinks that while my mother was bat shit crazy I'm not far behind."

Gale nodded, "So I punch him and then you can make up."

I laughed, "Thanks Gale."

"Anytime... So Are we gonna get this shit done?"

"Let's."


	22. Chapter 22

**Peeta's POV**

I was royally pissed off at Katniss after our argument on Thursday. I was so angry I didn't speak to Annie, Finnick, or Johanna until Saturday night.

Finnick came over and I explained everything that had happened and everything she'd said to me.

"Wow Peeta, I didn't think she was like that at all."

"Yeah she had us both fooled."

"So, what do you think this means for you guys?"

"I think it means that I'm going to dump her ass the moment she gets back into town."

"Did you ever find out what happened to her?"

I scoffed, "No, but I don't care anymore. I mean she doesn't care about me right?"

"Right, you know you're welcome to come spend Easter with Annie and I."

"Thanks but no thanks. I think you two need as much alone time as you can get with the baby's due date getting closer."

"Don't remind me it freaks me out."

"Sorry."

"I've got to go but I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah sure."

"I'll make her life hell." I only laughed then... Because I'm a dick.

"Bye" He left then. I spent my Easter Sunday hitting the bar simply because I had nothing better to do.

And who do I run into? Of all people I run into Haymitch.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me.

"Celebrating the new beginning Easter brings." I tipped my beer to him.

"Can I sit with you?"

"Sure."

"Are you supposed to be out of state with someone who actually works for me? Shouldn't you be with anybody who actually works for me?"

"Plans fell through because my soon to be ex girlfriend is a major bitch."

"Really? My employee is a major bitch? Am I more sober than you?"

"Nope, Katniss is just a terrible person."

"Alright what did she say?"

"It's more of what she didn't say. She's never said she loves me, she doesn't trust me enough to tell me anything, and she said that her fucking crazy mother is this wonderful person who she'll always love more than anyone else. I'm calling bull shit."

"Oh, you don't know then."

"Don't know what?"

"What happened to Sweetheart."

"I don't care."

"If you didn't care you wouldn't be drinking like I do."

I put my beer down, "Right..."

"Between you and me she's not coming in until Thursday of next week."

"Why? Is she going to be out keeping secrets and stringing people along?"

"No... She's on leave." That's what I'll be telling the office at least, "From what I understood is that she'll really be on bereavement leave."

"Bereavement, as in someone died?" Haymitch nodded, "Did... Did she happen to tell you who did it?"

"She might have told me, if you're going to sober up and call her."

"Well yeah I am."

"Her mom, from what she told me I could gather that she was there when her mom passed on."

"Oh my god." I cupped my face, "I'm such an asshole."

"Yes you are."

"Oh god... Oh my fucking god."

"Yep, whose the bitch now?"

"... She should have told-... She was going to FUCK!"

"Huh?"

"She said she didn't want to tell me until we were face to face. Why am I so damned impatient?"

"I don't know, but I think you've got a relationship to fix, and a phone call to make."

"Thanks Haymitch," I said pulling out my phone.

"Yeah... Sure kid." He said tipping his drink back.

I desperately listened to the dial tone waiting for her to pick up. Though she might not.

"What do you want?" She actually picked up.

"Katniss... I..."

"Well what is it? I've got stuff to do Peeta. If you're going to call me rude names again do it quickly."

"I'm not going to do that Katniss. I just want to talk."

"I thought you were done with me."

"I'm not Katniss."

"... Well make it quick."

"I think that we need to talk things through a bit. Maybe when you fly in I can pick you up. We can go out somewhere. Talk."

"... Okay."

I couldn't believe she'd agreed, "R-really?"

"Yes." She said sharply, "I get in early Wednesday morning, at eight thirty. I have to go now."

"Okay Katniss. See you Wednesday."

"... Bye."

I anxiously waited for Wednesday, I tried not to say anything against her or for her when talking with Finnick about her skipping work. I didn't want him or her for that matter to know I had a good idea what had happened.

When she flew in Wednesday I was there waiting for her. She put her head down as she reached me, "Do you want me to get you bag?"

"I didn't check one." She told me looking around the terminal awkwardly.

I led her out to my car where we sat in silence watching the rain drizzle around my car. "So where do you want to go?"

"... My place I guess."

"Okay." I said driving us over to her apartment complex and following her inside.

"Sit," She told me before going to her bedroom and putting her bag on the bed.

She sat cross legged on the couch beside me. She looked at me for awhile and I stared back.

"I'm sorry." I said, "I should have waited until you were ready."

I tried to take her hand when I noticed she was shaking. "I killed my mom." She said.

I looked at her confused, "What do you mean you killed your mom?"

"I killed her... I..." She started crying as she told me what had happened. How her mom had been sick, how the doctors had asked her to consider putting an end to it. How she'd done in it.

That was why she'd left the party, she told me. Then for the ten minutes it took for her mom to die she got to hold onto her. Her mom had been lucid in her final minutes.

She was absolutely hysterical by the end of it.

I held her as tightly as I could trying without success to calm her.

"I want her back, Peeta! I want my ma back so bad! I don't have anyone left! I don't have anyone left from a time when I was honestly happy!"

"Shh. Calm down Kat, everything's okay now."

"No it isn't, I a complete and utter bitch!"

"No you are not, don't you dare say that."

"Why not? Everyone knows it!" She coughed for a moment trying not to choke on her own breath, "You don't know what it's like to have neither of your parents with you anymore! You don't know how it feels to know you're all alone! I'm so alone!"

"I'm here, I am Kat."

"But you-"

"I know what I did and I fully regret it okay? I was mad and anxious and impatient and I'm sorry. I could never leave you Kat, I couldn't."

"I miss my ma." She sobbed again.

I only rubbed her back more, I didn't want to tell her I understood because I didn't. I didn't want to question her further. I didn't want to make her say anything more. All I did was hold her and that was enough.

I spent all day with her there in my arms. I didn't want to cry in front of her, but I was more hurt by how badly she seemed to have taken her mother's passing. She was lost it was written allover her face.


	23. Chapter 23

_Quick warning this chapter changes perspective be sure to watch for that or you'll be really confuzzled. Go ahead and read my pretty._

**Katniss POV**

I knew this point in our story was coming. The worst day of my life in Seattle.

I walked into work bright an early Thursday morning. Rue greeted me softly and I took that as Haymitch told her what had happened.

I set up in my office and started right away at my work. Haymitch informed me that Finnick would be late due to an appointment for Annie and the baby.

I had an hour of solitude as I prepped for some real work.

When Finnick walked in this is how he greeted me, "Morning slut."

I looked up unsure how to respond, "Umm..."

"I hope you had a nice long break to be a complete and utter bitch to my best friend. Ready for work?"

I didn't have to explain anything to him, my love life was no concern of his. Besides he couldn't say anything to faze me.

"I promised you I'd make your life hell, welcome to it." I again didn't say anything. Johanna waltzed into our office.

"I thought you were better than this Kitty, I thought you a decent person looks like we all make mistakes yours just trump mine."

She left then, I kept typing. "I hope you realize loyalty comes first here, everyone will be out for your blood now."

"Finnick, this is a professional environment. If you want to know what really happened I'll gladly tell you some other time."

"I don't need to hear an explanation from you. Peeta did that well enough on Saturday for me."

I sighed, "Alright." I left to go print something that the entire office was required to sign.

"You really are an insensitive cunt."

I kept going, middle school insults never did get under my skin. I went to Thresh's desk that was conveniently placed beside Cato and Glimmer. Thresh didn't bother to look at me, Cato and Glimmer however glared with all their fiery hate at me.

"Loyalty comes before work, tred with caution." Thresh whispered to me.

I handed the two glaring blondes the document before I was hit in the back of the neck with a rubber band. I turned around to see Finnick sitting with his arms out as if to ask what I was going to do about it.

What an eight year old, grow up. Cato handed me the paper as Johanna walked by and ran into me with a cart.

"Should have moved." She said rudely as I picked up the fallen papers placing them back on the cart.

"I'll remember that." I said as she walked by me. I didn't care that much. I didn't yet.

I went and got Ginger to sign before going to Boggs and Beetee. As Beetee signed Boggs asked me, "I don't like to believe gossip so I'll ask you personally. Did you and Peeta call it off?"

"No, we had a fight, but everything's alright again." I told him.

"Good, I like you two kids together." Beetee smirked.

"Thank you." I smiled. I walked over to Johanna's desk and waited a moment for her to sign when Finnick came around hitting me upside the head with the log of appointments in the coming month.

"Oops." He said half heartedly. "Here, sort through them and put your meetings on your calendar. Don't fuck this up too."

"Thanks Finnick." I said taking the book.

"No problem, fucker." He kept walking away.

"Thanks Johanna." I said taking the paper.

"Go to hell." She said. I was already there. I just didn't know it yet.

I handed the paper to Finnick, "So how does it feel to be the most hated person in the office?" He asked me handing the paper back once it'd been signed.

I turned around and signed it myself. "You realize that we're all turned against you right?"

"Not all of you." I said walking away back into our office. I began typing up more documents while he continued to pester me.

"Face it you're a loathsome bitch and none of us will ever forgive you for it."

"I already have. Don't you have work to do?"

"I did it while you were oh so conveniently gone."

"Well then leave me to do my work."

"No. I promised Peeta I'd make your life hell."

"It ain't working honey. You might what to try something less elementary. As right now you sound like a middle schooler who just discovered curse words."

"You country hicks are just terrible people."

"Yeah, sure, I guess. You're taking the week of the twelfth off?"

"That's what it says doesn't it?"

"Just confirming." I said adding it to my calendar. I saw Haymitch walking through the office and got up for his signature.

Johanna was standing close by staring me down.

"Haymitch, I got everyone's signature but yours."

"Alright let's see here." He took it and began to read through the document before signing.

"Maybe you could answer one question for me. How could you do that to him? Peeta's the sweetest guy I know."

"I didn't-"

"Don't shit me."

Haymitch said, "Ignore him." under his breath.

"You hurt him more than you know. Why did you do it? Though what ever your answer is my response will still be the same, you never have and never will deserve a guy like him." I didn't respond "You'd have to be as fucking insane as your mother to do that to a guy like him."

Something in me snapped, I suddenly wanted to murder him. Not as an exaggeration I just wanted to sink my nails into his throat and watch him suffocate.

"That is enough Odair. If you have personal grievances with sweetheart here that will remain outside this office. I will not, I repeat will NOT deal with a split office."

"The office isn't split sir. We all **collectively** hate her." Haymitch handed me the signed paper to me.

"Go do something other than harass my employees." Haymitch said.

Cato stood up and walked to me, "Even though Clove isn't here today I think you'd like to know, we both think you'd have been better off dying that day."

I surprised him by answering, "I do too." But we were talking about two different days. He was talking about last December I was talking about last Wednesday.

Haymitch started walking down the hallway when Johanna spoke up, "Why don't you go back to your little town in Montana. Take care of your crazy mommy while you're at it."

I clenched my fist, "I swear to god-"

"Ooo we found her button Jo. She's a mommy's girl." Finnick snickered.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked.

"Not my family that's for damned sure." Haymitch was already walking back in our direction.

"Shut up." I seethed. They were like grade school bullies, and I wanted to kill them.

"I think I hate you as much as your mother hates you." Finnick said. I'm not sure if I've forgiven him for that comment even to this day.

I was about to punch him when Haymitch gripped down on my elbow. Haymitch pulled me away, "I'm sorry." I said immediately.

He shook his head dismissively, "I want you to go home."

"What?"

"I'm afraid he's going to trigger you again. Come back in on Monday, clear the air with everyone over email or something. I'm worried about your sanity."

I nodded, "I'll go get my things." I said defeated. I walked back into my office and gathered my things.

"So you-"

"FINNICK please, I don't have the mental stability to deal with you right now." I pushed past him the sudden weight of depression hit me and it hit me like a train.

I took the stairs down to the first floor. Rue stood there and said a soft goodbye.

I waved, too afraid of being reduced to tears to open my mouth. I practically ran home. I cried the entire way.

When I got inside I threw the door closed. As pathetic as it sounds I curled up into a ball on my bed and cried. At some point during my hour long sob session I got up and changed into a sweat suit, throwing my work clothes across my room. I looked at the clock, it was barely eleven thirty.

I took my phone out still in tears and called my little sister.

"Kat what's wrong?" She asked, I never called her during school.

"I can't do it." I whispered, "I can't."

"You can't do what Kat?"

"I can't keep doing this. I can't keep having people leave me and hate me. I can't... I just can't Prim." I didn't want to admit it, more so not to her. But I couldn't exactly think straight. I wanted to know she was going to make it, even if I didn't.

"Kat, is this about ma?"

"Yes." I choked back a sob.

"I miss her too Kat, I know you were closer to her than I was, but I miss her too. I'm sorry that so much has happened this year, and I'm sorry it's such a big mess.

"But you have to let go sis. Let someone help you through it. Because yes it sucks that we can't help each other out. But I have Denny helping me. Let someone help you Kat."

"Do you feel it too?"

"What?"

"Like you'll never be whole again?"

"All the time Kat. All the time. I have to go now Kat lunch is almost over and I have to be back at school."

"Alright." I took a deep breath, "Bye."

"Bye." I fell asleep then so distraught that even when I'd wake up later that evening I'd still have tears on my cheeks.

**Prim's POV**

Katniss never called me like that. Ever. She was always so level headed. Always had her shit together. She was finally cracking under the pressure.

It hurt me so badly to know that she couldn't take it anymore. So much so that in the middle of my German class I suddenly couldn't write anymore. I dropped my pencil and stared at the paper because suddenly nothing made sense. I was just staring at the empty lines of my assignment unable to comprehend what the actual fuck I was supposed to do, with my sister a complete and utter wreck, and me beginning to crack as well.

My teacher had looked up at the wrong moment. I was sitting there staring blankly at my paper. I could only think of the word helfen so I wrote it over and over again.

For those who don't know helfen means help in German. She came over the moment I realized I'd written it in the margins of my paper filling all the empty parts of the paper. I hadn't answered anything past question twenty.

She looked at my paper and put her hand on my shoulder. "treffe mich nach dem Unterricht." She said simply. Which means see me after class.

Everyone else in my class was really stupid and couldn't comprehend German for shit. But I understood enough.

I stayed behind still staring at my unfinished assignment. I knew Denny would worry when I wouldn't show up to our U.S. History class, but I couldn't think straight.

"Primrose," Frau Moore sat down in the desk directly in front of me, "Are you alright?"

I couldn't decide how to answer her. "Primrose, you can talk to me honey." I could I liked my German teacher very much. "It's been a tough year for you I know, but has something happened besides your mother?"

"My sister can't take it anymore."

"Can't take what sweetie?"

"It... Our lives. Everything that's happened to us. And if she can't take it what hope do I have?"

"Oh Prim, your sister shouldn't be dumping on you."

"She doesn't. I dump on her. But so much has happened that she can't take it either and I'm scared she and I'll go crazy. We can't keep doing this Frau Moore, we can't."

"Is there someone I can call to have you picked up from school?" She asked.

I started crying, "We don't have anyone." Though both of us knew she could call Gale she knew what I meant.

"You will always have your teachers here Prim."

"I just want my big sister back." I cried.

"I know, but you are both grieving and have to figure out how to live in a world without your mother. You both need to heal, and maybe you can't do it together."

"We do everything together." She took my hand.

"I'll call Gale to pick you up okay?" I nodded so she could leave the room. She was going to the office but I pulled out my own phone.

I called Peeta.

"Hello?"

"Peeta? It's me Prim."

"Hi Prim... What's up?"

"I need you to go visit my sister. She's lost it."

"What do you mean?"

"She called me an hour or two ago, she couldn't stop crying. Please Peeta, she needs someone."

"Alright Prim I'll check up on her."

"Thank you."

"Are you okay?"

"I will be, Gale's gonna come pick me up from school."

"Alright, stay safe Prim."

"I will. Thanks Peeta." Gale was freaked out when he picked me up. He thought I'd thrown up since I was apparently pale as all hell.

He took Katniss's job of my parent. He sent me straight to bed and I did end up falling asleep. It was nice having him take care of me. I only hoped Peeta would take good care of her.

**Peeta's POV**

I got nervous when Prim called me. Katniss wasn't at work clearly. So did that mean she had a panic attack? Was she hurt? What happened?

I got off early at four instead of six. My boss knew that I was going to be quitting but he promised to keep me working until I left.

I drove as quickly as the speed limit allowed to Katniss's place. When I got there I didn't hesitate to take out my key, but the door was already open.

When I walked in I saw her curled up on top of the hole. I walked over to her before I realized that she was having a fit from a nightmare.

I took her in my arms, cradling her like she were a small child and laid her under the blankets.

Then I wiped away her tears and hushed her until she relaxed, seemingly no longer afraid. I kissed her forehead before I noticed she was waking.

She blinked as she looked at me, tears spilled out from her eyes that must have been held back by her eyelids.

I wiped those away too.

"Peeta? What are you doing here?"

"Prim called me. She said she was worried about you." She nodded when I said that. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head no, "If you want me to be honest." I did, I was just hoping no wouldn't be the answer. I climbed over her and held her through the blankets.

"Is there anything I can do?" She shook her head no. I brought her closer to me then.

"Can I tell you something?" She asked tearfully.

"Yes."

"I haven't wanted to kill myself in a long time... But right now, I wish I were dead." That broke my heart, but I was supposed to be there for her. So I didn't say anything until I couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"What happened?" I asked

"Finnick said he was going to make my life hell. He did just that."

"What did he say?" I asked angry at my thick headed friend.

"A lot of it I didn't care about. He was cursing like a kid who just found out what curse words were. That didn't bother me. When he started talking about my family I got pissed. All of it was bull except for one thing."

I was enraged, "What was that."

"He told me, that I never have and never will deserve you. And that was right, everything else was complete shit. Haymitch didn't want me to have another freak out. So I left."

I felt pity that she thought she didn't deserve me. I wanted her to know I loved her and nothing else mattered. "I love you." She snuggled deeper into my chest steadily falling back to sleep. "I will always love you." She was asleep by then. I slid her down completely on the bed and left her apartment.

I sat in my car and didn't think my next move through. I drove down to the office it being close to closing I knew I'd cause the least amount of trouble going to see Finnick this late.

I walked in and saw Rue packing her things. "Is Finnick still here?" I asked.

"Yeah he's working overtime today." She said before I headed up to see him.

I stormed up the couple flights of stairs before throwing the door open to his floor.

Everyone was packing up only Beetee and Boggs appeared to have left.

I walked passed everyone who tried to greet me and went straight to my friends office.

"Peeta, hey. I can't go out tonight I'm working overtime."

"You had no right." I said still relaying on my anger to push me along.

"What?"

"To say that to her. She didn't deserve that."

"Um, hello earth to Peeta, she was a total bitch to you remember."

"No, I was being a whinny little asshole."

"Peeta stop being the nice guy, you can let her go."

"No, I won't. But you can stop being a dick to her. She's my girlfriend and I won't let you hurt her."

"Peeta-"

"No Finnick. You don't know what you can do to her. You don't know what you did to her. She's sick you idiot."

"No she isn't. She's just a little-"

"Don't say it Finnick. She is sick and she needs all of us to support her."

"I'm not going to support her after what she did to you."

"I've forgiven her you can too." He didn't say anything, "You don't know her like I know her. You don't know what she's seen. You don't know what she's been through."

"And I'm sure that makes a world of fucking difference. Well guess what Peeta, the past is the past. You can't keep blaming things that happened on your choices now. And that is exactly what she's doing."

"No you've got it all wrong."

"Peeta even if you forgive her and keep dating her, I won't just let her walk all over you like a door mat. Someone needs to tell her what is and isn't right."

"Finnick, please let me handle my personal life and stop being an absolute dick to her."

Then Haymitch walked in, "Odair, my office five minutes."

"Yes sir." Haymitch seemed angry as he left. I'd find out later what happened.

"Don't you ever be so cruel to my girlfriend ever again." I said briskly walking out of the office and into my car. I knew we all had a lot of explaining to do later.

**Finnick's POV**

I was literally surrounded by what I thought to be a bunch of children. Nobody could make up their damned minds.

One day my best friend hates my coworkers guts, the next he comes to her immediate defense. I didn't understand, but I wanted to.

I headed up to Haymitch's office and sat down immediately. "You need to learn the difference between personal life and work life." He said right off the bat. I didn't say anything, "I don't care what grievances you have with her, but they end when you walk in that door. She's an employee here and you will show her respect."

"What ever happened to loyalty?"

"Be loyal somewhere else. Not in my office please." Haymitch scoffed, "Now leave I have a date." What the hell? The world was really topsy-turvy for a while. At the very least for me.

"Pull this shit again and I won't hesitate to suspend or fire you. Fix your problems with her, or learn to get over them." Then he stormed out. I'm not sure when he got so protective over her. I'm not sure that we'd be as happy as we are now with out it.

I knew I had to do something. That we had to talk it out, I'm still not sure if what I did next was good or bad.

**Peeta's POV**

When I got back to her apartment it was completely dark. I turned on the lights and saw her hunched over in her bed. I tried not to rush to her but I did move quickly.

She was gasping for some unknown reason.

"Kat, look at me, Kat."

"I didn't mean to." She choked out. "I didn't. I couldn't wake up. I was scared and I couldn't wake up."

"Calm down honey. Please look at me." She was shaking, but not crying. Her voice hoarse from screaming.

"I hate PTSD I hate it." She said, "It's like I'm not me anymore. I didn't mean to do it."

"What?" I asked again. She shook her head and fumbled with the zipper on her jacket. I took it off for her. That's when I knew what had happened.

"Kat your arm." I said tossing the jacket aside.

"I didn't mean it." She said running her good arm along the scar she'd now reopened.

"I shouldn't have left you alone." I said taking in her gashed arm and frightened face.

"I'm sorry," She muttered, "Somehow my dreams stopped being dreams."

"How did-"

"I was just dreaming. But it was happening again. It stopped being a dream and I did it. But I didn't mean to."

"Come on," I said taking her into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me before sitting her on the rim of the bathtub. "Kat where's your first aid kit?"

"Under the sink." She said her voice rough and disappointed in herself.

I ran cold water over a wash cloth and washed the sweat off her face. Then I took her arm and cleaned the blood.

It wasn't nearly as scary with all the blood washed off. It wasn't deep, she'd be okay for the time being. But I still wouldn't leave her be for some time after that.

"I couldn't wake up." She said again, "I was too scared." She coughed a bit trying to make her voice less raspy. "It was too real."

"You're alright now. I'm here." I told her as I grabbed gauze from her first aid kit.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Don't be, you didn't mean it. It's not your fault." She was silent then, I was afraid she'd slip into a flashback, "Kat, I'll stay here with you okay?" She still didn't say anything, "Kat?!" I shouted in alarm.

"Finnick?" She asked looking past me with a confused gaze. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough I saw Finnick standing there Annie and Jo right behind him. She never did fix that damned door.

"Peeta, Katniss, I think we need to talk. Seriously talk." He said.

I looked at Katniss, I was so afraid that talking would set her off. I was already angry at him for what he'd done that day.

"You two have been hiding things from us. We're not stupid." Johanna stepped forward.

"We just want to talk to you." Annie said softly.

"Talk... Okay." Katniss said still unable to get her normal voice back. She stood up took my hand and led me into the living room.

* * *

_Yes it's late, but I have stuff to do. I posted Precious yesterday and my very first original story so go check that out if you love me. I'll see you Friday with another update!_


	24. Chapter 24

**Peeta's POV**

Katniss told them all she could handle. How her parents had only been eighteen, how her sister had been born into the world. How her father died and how her mother had been very sick.

I held her hand tightly but she still let noiseless tears slip down the side of her face. It was midnight when she'd stopped talking.

Finnick apologized Johanna did too. Annie couldn't look at her. I kissed Katniss's head. I wanted her to know that everything was just fine. I was there and would continue to be there.

She rested her head in my chest and began to doze off.

Finnick looked at me, "If I'd known... I don't know..."

"I get it." I told him, "That's exactly how I felt."

"I'm a bitch." Johanna laughed bitterly.

"I just wish she'd tell us these things before things like this happen." Annie said.

"Or maybe we should be more respectful of her wishes." Finnick said, "None of us are perfect Annie. If she can't say what happened to her out loud then we should be considerate."

"Maybe she should trust us." Annie said. I knew it wasn't like her to say those things.

"She does." I say holding her a bit closer.

"What are you hiding from us Peeta?" Annie asked.

"What do you mean, what am I hiding?" I asked.

"You've been acting different. I just want to know what's up."

"I haven't been acting different." I claimed. I hadn't wanted to tell her about my leaving. I'd be headed to Fort Hood in Texas in just a weeks time.

Johanna seemed lost in thought because she didn't add a sarcastic comment.

Finnick sighed, having grown accustomed to Annie's change in mood since she'd gotten into her third trimester.

That's when I felt Katniss grip my shirt and let out a small cry.

"Kat you're okay." I told her, "I'm here." She screamed, coughing out syllables in a jumbled mess. "Kat, wake up." I told her so she opened her eyes. "You're okay." I told her as she caught her breath. "You're okay."

She didn't believe me, I could tell she didn't. But that wasn't going to stop me from saying it.

**Katniss POV**

It wasn't over. My worst day was far from over. A phone call remained, and a conversation that had loomed over my head as well as the others.

He told me I was okay. I felt like I wasn't, but I chose to believe him. That was much easier than not believing him flat out.

That's when I heard the faint vibrating of my phone. I got up and walked into my bedroom. I closed the door behind me, but knew I'd been followed. The door only had one hinge after all.

Gale was calling me. I was instantly afraid.

"Hello?"

"... Hey Catnip."

"Hi.

"Hi Kat." Prim was there, "I've been meaning to call you since this afternoon. Did Peeta come to see you?" She was nervous apprehensive even.

"Yeah." I say.

"Prim has been keeping something from us Catnip." Gale said in a fatherly tone.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"She-"

"I'll tell her." She said. "Kat, please don't freak out. Please."

"Uh..." I made no such promise.

"The thing is... I'm not sure, I'm going to the doctor this week... But I may be pregnant."

I was in shock to say the least. All I could do was breathe. Let her know I was still alive. Although all I wanted to do was stop breathing. Was it so much to ask for death?

"Kat?" She was crying.

"Can you call me back when I'm mentally stable?" I asked, "I just don't have a clear mind right now Prim. Give me some time?"

"Sure Kat, anything."

"Alright." I wouldn't cry about this, but I would do a lot of sighing, and making inaudible sounds.

"I love you."

That was the only time I never returned it, "Bye." I hung up. My friends were huddled at my door.

"Katniss?" Peeta asked.

"What do you think would be quicker? Smothering or overdose?" I asked slamming my face into my bed.

Peeta sighed before walking to me and rubbing my back.

"Now is not the time for jokes." Annie said.

"I'm not joking." I said through the pillow before lifting my head. "My baby sister thinks she's pregnant." I said. No one responded, "I just keep thinking that everything would be easier for everyone if I stopped living. I make everything harder for me and you and everyone involved with me. All day I've sat here thinking to myself how wonderful it is to sleep dreamlessly, how that must be death. I want to perpetually sleep.

"I don't want to give up. I want to fall asleep. I want to be done." I said.

"That's no way to think." Finnick stepped up.

"It's the only thing I can think right now." I claimed.

"Right now. Key words Katniss." Johanna said, "Right now you may feel like the whole world is crashing around you, but it's only for now. It will end. You have to step on some shards but you'll fix it."

"The world is too much for me to bear." I said, "I have been sane for so long. I've been composed and strong. I have none of that left. My ma took that to the grave with her. I've lost that. The world is just too heavy."

"If the world is too much for you to bear I'll carry you." Peeta whispered to me.

"But I won't have you soon now will I?" I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"What?" My three guests asked simultaneously.

Peeta glanced at me and while he brushed my hair off my neck he said, "I've been taken by the army, I leave next week for boot camp."

_Late. I know it's homecoming week I almost didn't post at all I still have ten minutes my time anyway!_


	25. Chapter 25

**Peeta's POV**

Annie's face was pinched in dissatisfaction. "... Go on say it." I told her as Katniss sat up, mouthing a quick sorry. I kissed her forehead as the silence settled in.

"... I can't believe you actually did it. I know you'll regret it some day." She said this with a distinct crack in her tone.

"No I won't Annie, I've wanted this for a while." I said wrapping my arms around Katniss. I wanted to hold her, I just wanted to feel her in my arms so I could attempt to make her feel better.

"You will, you'll regret it I know it." She was crying.

"Annie can you please get over it? Okay, it's happened and I'm going. Can't you support me?" I was angry. I didn't mean to be but I was. She was being downright unreasonable.

"When did this happen? When did you find out?"

"March, late March."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

I thought about my words before using them, "Because maybe I wanted to be proud. Maybe I wanted to be happy that something I'd dreamed about for so long was coming true. Maybe I wanted this more than anything. Maybe I didn't want you to try to talk me out of it."

"Peeta think about it, this is a big mistake. You won't make it. They'll walk all over you. And I know for a fact you haven't always wanted this."

"How do you know?"

"Because Peeta, I've been there your whole life. You didn't start wanting this until..."

"Go ahead Annie say it. Say that I changed my mind when Rye died. You'll be wrong but go on and say it."

"You never expressed interest before."

"Maybe you just didn't know about it. Rye sure as hell knew I wanted to do it. I think you're forgetting that Rye and I were best friends. He knew everything about me."

"This is a reckless and rash decision. You don't know what they'll do to you. What if you change?"

"What are we supposed to be doing if not changing Annie?"

"Peeta this is just too ill-advised, you didn't think it through."

"Why don't you just admit you want to be my mother Annie? I know you do. But guess what I have one of those. You don't need to take care of me Annie; I'm a grown ass man, and you're becoming someone else's parent. Be happy for me, this is a good thing."

"No Peeta it isn't."

"For the love of God Annie this is why I didn't tell you I knew this would happen."

"Why? Because you knew that I'd talk some sense into you?"

"No that you wouldn't understand. You wouldn't support me and you wouldn't listen."

"Maybe I don't understand, but maybe you don't understand either. What about your life here?"

"What life?"

"Your job, your family, your girlfriend?"

"My job has always been temporary you know that. And my family? Really?"

"Your dad had a heart attack not even a month ago."

"He's always supported this decision. One of the few I might add."

"What about Katniss? Have you even thought about her?"

"Katni-"

"I can speak for myself." She assured me though she still held on to my arms that held her close, "I've always supported him in this decision. I've always believed he'd make it and I will continue to support him as long as he needs my support."

"But you clearly need him now Katniss." She was right she did need me. The only person who could make me stay would be her.

"I'm going to get an appointment with a sleep doctor and see if there's any medication that can help me. It's just been one really rough day." That was for damn sure.

"What about your relationship?"

"Annie... You may not know how hard this is going to be for me to say this." She looked back at me, straight into my eyes and hesitated only for a moment, "...But I love him. I love him and I will continue to try at our relationship as long as he is in this relationship as well." I think I was too happy about her saying that. I held her tighter never wanting to let her go again. She smiled as much as she was able. You know that the hard times bring you closer to your loved ones. Well this bad time brought us together for good.

But when I looked back up at Annie I saw her giving us a look, "Go ahead Annie how long do you give us?"

"A couple of months. A year tops."

"It's not your place to question our relationship." I said harshly.

"You sound like a couple of love struck teenagers going to colleges across the country. You say you love each other and you'll be different than most couples, but you won't be. You'll realize how much time you wasted when you break up." That hurt.

"We will be different." Katniss argued.

"Katniss be practical he'll be overseas most likely, how do you think you'll feel when there's a crisis and he's not there or when you just want to be held at night at he's not there. Think about it really."

"I have and I know if he wants this then I should not stand in his way. Because that's what you do when you care about someone you let them go to follow their dreams."

"This is not his dream." Annie said.

"It is my dream and I'm going end of story. "

"There is a war going on Peeta you'll be killed."

"Annie what's the army for? War! That's why they're always hiring. If I get sent off to war so be it, that's my job now."

"This is stupid. You shouldn't go."

"I am going and nothing will change that."

"Really? Nothing?"

"Really!"

"Well then Peeta, have a good time in boot camp, I hope when you get killed it's quick and they actually have a body to send back to us!" She stormed back into the living room Finnick followed behind her.

"Well I haven't ever said this in my life... But I'm pulling the pregnancy card on this one." Katniss told me before turning around and fully sitting in my arms.

Johanna spoke up, "I'm proud of you Peeta, you'll do well." She said, "I should get going. It's late. I've got work in the morning."

"Thanks for coming Johanna." Katniss turned around.

Johanna nodded before leaving.

Katniss waited in my arms for ten minutes until Finnick came in, "I'm really sorry guys, can we meet up tomorrow or something? Sort this all out?"

"Sure Finnick." Katniss said. "Night."

"Night," He said leaving her room. He closed the door behind him.

"Katniss?" I asked softly. She burrowed herself into me and whispered softly.

"Yes I do. I do love you. I'm sure of it." She wasn't crying and the rustic hoarse element of her tone had edged off.

I pulled us both into her bed so we could fall asleep cling to one another.

She got herself an appointment with the sleep doctor the day I was flying out. I spent my last days in Seattle with her. I was afraid to leave her for six months, she just seemed so fragile. But I had to go. I did, I just wished that maybe I'd gotten another week.

**Katniss POV**

I had been in the middle of a meeting the day after my sleep study. That doctor must have given me ten different prescriptions. I was fine, I had been fine for days.

The meeting was going well. Until Rue came in, "Miss. Everdeen, there's a call for you." She said.

"Is it important?" I asked.

"It's from a number I don't recognize, they're saying they're a doctor of some kind. It's out of the area." I was still waiting for Prim's results.

Haymitch nodded to let me go ahead and answer it. When I picked up the phone I heard a silent but rhythmic breathing behind the phone.

"Miss. Everdeen?"

"Yes?"

"This is Dr. Schupner. I'm calling on behalf of your little sister. As you are her legal guardian we need to consult with you about her health."

I knew she was pregnant, "Alright."

"Your sister has just been diagnosed with a disease known as Ovarian Torsion, which means that your sisters ovaries have twisted. It's very rare and extremely difficult to catch. Most often it is associated with the symptoms of pregnancy, nausea, skipped period, and even faintness. The problem is hers have twisted so much they've started to burst. We need to get is and repair the damage done if she has any prospect of living." But I'm wrong quite often.

"Oh..."

"I will be emailing you some information and such for you to read up on but please, we need your verbal consent."

"Yes... Yes of course you have my consent." I said.

"Thank you. I'll be having the paperwork signed by her present guardian. I'll have an intern send you some information to read up on."

"Thank you." I said with a zoned tone. I hung up and walked back into my meeting. No one asked me anything. In my office I got some free time to read up on my sisters illness. It could be corrected, but it wouldn't be so easy from the sounds of it.

I didn't want to tell anyone, but I'd promised my darling boyfriend I'd never lie to him. Plus he adores my sister. I emailed him avoiding a phone call.

Finnick walked into our office near the end of the day, "You coming?" He asked.

I turned around and flashed a questioning look.

"Jo and I are headed to Billy's."

I needed a drink. So I went. It was just like old times. Drinking, laughing, making light of everything. I did tell them about my sister. Then we laughed some more.

When Johanna and I were thoroughly wasted, and Finnick hitting the point of hiccupping in-between each word it was Finnick who got a call.

"Hello?" He laughed before hiccupping. He accidentally put it on speaker.

"Finn, it's Annie. I need you to come home and drive me to the hospital." I sobered up at that. Suddenly I'd only drank one beer instead of... the several I had really drank.

"Sure thing sugar-plum what's the occasion?" He hiccupped again.

"The baby's coming." She said in a panicky tone. Yep I was sober.

"That's a good one Anne, hey I forgot, what's the square root of Canada?"

"What!?"

I took the phone from his hand, "Annie, it's Katniss, I'm coming to get you alright?"

"What did you do to my husband?" She wasn't really accusing me she was just pissed off. I would have been too.

"Hey Jo did it not me." I said.

"Si!" Johanna laughed.

"I'll kill that man, I'll kill him." Annie said.

"Stay calm Annie, I'll be down in ten minutes." I said hanging up the phone. I dragged Johanna and Finnick into the car and drove off to pick up Annie. It was amazing how sober I had become in just a few moments.

I dropped Johanna off before speeding to Finnick and Annie's. I grabbed her bag and tossed it in the back of their car before whisking the three of us off to the nearest hospital. We got Finnick on some drug we later renamed insta-bitch. It makes you skip all the fun parts of being drunk and gets you straight to the hung over part.

Annie wasn't far along so it gave Finnick enough time to drink twelve glasses of water and take a nap before getting the chance to spend time with his wife before the birth of their child.

Annie insisted I stay with them though I protested. But I was bound to lose. I mean when you're arguing with Annie while she's in labor? You'll lose.

They didn't allow me to stay for the actual birth but I was allowed back in right after. He was soft looking, wrinkly, he had Finnick's green eyes, and almost no hair. They named him Caleb.

That day describes my life well. Huge leaps and bounds, laughs in between. When everything seems to be falling apart, something comes along to show you that the world has enough room for love. That day love came in a crumpled soft package.

Caleb opened his wide eyes. He stared right passed his father and mother. He was looking at me. He looked curious. I was probably a curious sight to see. A girl swept up in a whirlwind of life before she was even thirty.

"Katniss, you wanna hold him?" Annie asked. I agreed reluctantly. Annie tried to tell me how to hold him, but I'd been holding babies since I was one. I took him in my arms and looked at his beanie covers head.

I cracked a meager smile. He attempted the same.

"Annie, he's smiling." Finnick said.

It was weird that a baby could understand me more than anyone in the whole world had ever understood. Caleb got me through the day, he really did.

**Peeta POV**

Boot camp... What can I say about boot camp that hasn't been said already? Maybe that I've made the best of friends than I ever thought existed.

My closest friend is a guy fresh out of college named Darius. He's lived in Texas his whole life, and isn't afraid to hide it. After our initial training during the first six months of our training we were granted a week-long leave of absence before our first PT test. I of course went home to my family.

My friends said they missed me and were glad I was back. But things had changed. Finnick and Annie were like, actually parents. Which was weird because I still saw them as the kids who snuck out of pep rally to find a not to shabby shed at Lowes. Don't let them tell you it was one time. It was more than once.

Johanna had gotten into a committed relationship with a fashion designer names Portia. Which I did approve of because Johanna was happy and giddy. And again that was weird as Johanna was always trying to be that girl who would smuggle vodka into Prom.

Cato and Clove became engaged and were married off by one of those Vegas drive thru chapels. I couldn't tell them I knew that was how they'd get hitched or Clove would have strung me up by my unmentionables. But I knew it.

My Katniss was much better when I next saw her though. She'd started therapy sessions after Caleb was born. She was light-years better than when I'd last seen her. Her smile was pure and innocent. She kept me in the loop more. She could tell me she loved me because she wanted to say it.

That alone was a wonderful feeling. You know, having an honest girlfriend is ten times better than having an attractive girlfriend. I got lucky my girl friend was and still is both.

I had to, of course fly back to Texas for my test. I was passed on to the next level of training which lasted twice as long. I took a full year of training with my now assigned regiment. Darius was a part of that regiment.

Darius was getting married I found out as our regiment was sent out to a simulator. We were put in a war setting for a month as our final evaluation. I stayed awake for a total of seventy hours at a time. I was broken so many times I'm not sure how I really survived.

I think it was my regiment, my closest friends. The people who had become more than brothers to me. And sisters.

We had one girl on our team named Paylor. She would still be able to kick my ass to this day. She reminded me of Katniss in a way, she never knew the phrase give up.

Back to the plot, I was going to be the best man at Darius's wedding.

I went with him to get his suit fitted. That was an adventure.

"Darius, did you miss a growth spurt?" I heckled him as he came out in pants that were too long and a jacket with sleeves covering his hands. He was short, I always brought that up.

"Shut it Mellark. I'll tell mommy." He joked about Paylor.

"That is actually frightening." I said as my phone buzzed with a message. It was yet another picture message. Katniss had sent me a lot of pictures recently. She was going to some event back in Montana and kept asking my opinion on things.

She'd asked me about her hair, her eye make up, her lipstick, that day had been a dress day. She'd sent me ten pictures of dresses but this last one was my favorite. It was yellow and looked like candle light. She was illuminated, purely beautiful. Everything, from her expression to her eyes seemed brighter.

_Perfect._ I typed.

"When do I get to meet your girlfriend!?" Darius demanded. He'd wanted to meet her for a while.

"I don't know." I said. I hadn't seen her in almost a year. Let me tell you three years of being in a long distance relationship is hard. Especially when the person you love is so wonderful it actually hurts you to not be with them.

"Well I want to meet her soon." He said as the tailor hemmed his suit. "Invite her to the wedding!"

"It's in a week Darius." I laughed.

"Enough time." He said.

"No, she's got another event back home."

"I will meet her. You don't shut up about her... Is she even real?" I showed him the picture she'd sent me. "She's cute, like baby cute." Darius was only a year older than me but he was convinced I was his kid brother. I liked that. It reminded me of Rye. He told me about how he'd struggled to finished college, and how his inspiration was joining the army. Twenty-nine and still going he liked to say.

His wedding came really fast. Even the ceremony happened quickly. Too quickly for anyone's liking. Especially Darius' fiancé Cecelia, or Cici. She earned the honorary title bridezilla. The practice dinner was not a pretty sight, I thought she was actually going to pounce the pastor when he was twenty minutes late.

But everything was okay. In the end everything went according to plan... Well sort of.

Almost everyone had gone. Darius walked up to me, "Cici and I are going to change. Then it'll be the send off." I nodded and watched as the lights came on. Chairs were being picked up food put away. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi Peeta." I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Kat, hi." I walked outside. Though the day had been clear the night had turned windy, rain was coming.

"How are you?" She asked awkwardly.

"I'm good, the wedding went well." I said.

"Good... I'm... I'm glad." She seemed mildly upset.

"Kat, is everything okay?" She sighed, that wasn't good, "Kat?"

"I'm fine, it's just... I miss you terribly."

"I miss you to Kat. I miss you everyday."

"Really?" She asked.

"Of course Kat. I love you." I was a bit insulted that she'd question me.

"It's just we're so far away Peeta."

"I know that honey. But I'm always here for you."

"Are you? Do you even think about me some days?"

She didn't know this, but when we trained for a war simulation she was all I could think about, "I do Kat. I think about you everyday." I suddenly didn't like where this was going, "What is it Kat? You can say it."

I could feel her bite her lip through the phone, "I don't like this long distance relationship Peeta." It broke my heart to hear her say that, "I feel like it's just not working out, with you so far away and all. These past two years have been rough."

"I know Kat. I don't like it much either. But I still love you." I said trying to avoid her suggestion for a break up.

"I know Peeta." She sighed over the phone.

"I promise I'll visit you as soon as I can. I love you so much Kat."

"I know... That's why I'm here." I turned around and sure enough there she was standing in the middle of the parking lot. Her hood blown up by the rampant wind storm, but her smile shined brighter than the street lamps.

She wore the sweatshirt I'd sent her three months back, over the dress she'd sent me a picture of a week ago, the shoes she had me pick out everything she'd asked my opinion for. Her hair flew around messing up the style I'd picked for her. She laughed later she told me my expression was priceless. I believe it I wonder why my jaw didn't break.

I ran out into the empty parking lot and took her in my arms. "Oh god. Kat what are you doing here?" I asked before she kissed me.

"Clearly I came to be with my darling boyfriend." She said ruffling my already wind-blown hair.

"But how are you here?"

"I flew." She said putting her arms in the air as if she'd flown to me on the wings of love, rather than the crowded plane she'd told me all about after the fact.

"But why?" I asked, she kissed me again. It was wonderful to have her lips against mine.

"I'm here because this is where my heart longs to be," She smirked at me, "With you."

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you just as much." She assured me.

"What are you wearing?" I asked pulling her back to get a better look.

"You picked it." She laughed, "It's my reunion dress."

"How long have you been planning this?"

"A whole five months."

"Just for a little visit?" I laughed

"I was expecting it to be more than just a visit." She said with an astute sense of confidence and nervousness, "I'd follow you anywhere."

"Anywhere?"

She nodded, "I quit my job."

"You did what?" She shrugged, "But you love your job."

"Not nearly as much as I love you." She kissed me again.

"Does that mean..." She pulled out the little black box I'd given her two years ago.

"Should we do this right?" She asked handing me the box.

I took it smiling so wide you could likely see my happiness from space. She pulled off her hoodie and tossed it aside to an empty parking space.

"Katniss Everdeen," I asked getting on one knee, "Will you be my bride?"

"Yes." She leaned down and kissed me not waiting for me to stand.

Just then the rain came pouring down. I lifted her as I stood up. "Dance with me." She laughed in a demanding way.

"Inside?" I suggested.

"No I want to ask you to dance right here in the middle of this parking lot." She said walking out of my arms to stand directly in the light of the street light, "Right now in the pouring rain and thunder."

"While I'm standing right here in the best dress I own." She pointed down at her feet that were now wet like the pavement, " I don't even know how to dance, but I want to you to teach me.

"I want you to make every dream I never had come true because goddamn it I love you so much. I don't want to lose this feeling. And I want to know that storybook love exists. I want you to show me there is such a thing as happily ever after. I want you to lift me up. I want you to prove my papa wrong in every wonderful way you know how. So damn it Peeta get your ass over here, take my waist, and never let go. Dance with me now and forever. Show me it can be real."

"It is real Kat, my god it's so real." I smiled stupidly taking large steps before scooping her up in my arms. I danced with her just as she'd asked.

Her eyes glimmered a dark sultry silver as they reflected the sparkling asphalt. Her smile was wide as mine was.

Her nails had chipped yellow paint that was supposed to match the, now sopping, yellow dress she wore. The dress that reminded me of candle light.

I lifted her so high above my head I was sure she joined the stars. But that was a lie, she couldn't go back to the stars because she had already fallen and landed right in my arms.

"Show me the world." She said to me resting her head on my shoulder. She stood on her tip toes even in her heeled shoes.

I'd pick up where her family left off, "I'll show you more." I promised swinging her all the way around me. She was mine, forever. She'd always be mine. "You love me," I laughed to myself; remembering how she'd once vowed she'd never love anyone.

"Real." She whispered.

I felt her growing cold in my arms, "Get your jacket," And then I remembered my best man duties as the limo appeared in the distance, "Darius will be looking for me." She took me and kissed me instead before grabbing her soaked through jacket. I took her hand before leading her into the banquet hall, "You're beautiful in the rain, and under streetlights. Just in general really."

"Come on tiger, you can be lover boy later I believe you have a groom to send off on his honeymoon."

I'd been that groom soon. The thought made me giddy, "That I do. I want you to meet him, he's a great guy." We walked into the banquet hall that was now almost completely picked up from the wedding ceremony. Darius and his wife had changed clothes. Only their parents and the maid of honor remained to see them off.

"There he is my best man, and he picked up one of the guests! What would your girlfriend say?" He asked joking and yet completely serious.

"Darius this is my... Fiancé Katniss, Katniss, this is Darius."

Darius laughed like the Texan he was, "As one great man is married off another becomes engaged." He took Katniss's wet hand and kissed it, "A pleasure, may I say you've got this boy hanging on every word you say. I hope you deserve him."

"She does, it's me who doesn't deserve her. I didn't know I was getting engaged today, hell I didn't know she'd even be here." I kissed her cheek, "She's absolutely perfect. She knows how to time everything perfectly."

"Me? What did I do? I just showed up." I told me slipping in closer. Our cold wet bodies pressed close together. Stuck by our clothes.

"Are you kidding me? You did the most perfect thing all on your own. You made me the happiest man on earth after you'd scared the crap out of me."

"Except for me." Darius said to his wife.

"I scared you?"

"I thought you were going to dump me!"

"Me dump you!? Are you crazy? I told you I loved you."

"But you told Gale you loved him too and see how well that ended?"

"Well yeah. But you sir were my first and one true love. I have literally given you everything. You're my grand prize."

Darius laughed again, "You were right Pete, you don't deserve her. She's settling."

I shoved him all in well nature, "Darius go on your honeymoon. Go do whatever married couples do. Let me enjoy my soon to be wife." Katniss chuckled at me saying that.

"Will do." He winked at Katniss before taking Cici's arm. "I'm off to go be married!"

Cici laughed as he whisked her away.

After they'd been sent off I took Katniss to my home on post. I gave her a set of clothes to wear before we talked again.

"So where do we start?... Planning I mean." I asked.

"I say we take the Cato Clove route." She joked. I laughed before she spoke up, "I actually have that planned too, all you have to do is show up."

"You have it all planned?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"Well, all we need to do is set the date, get bridesmaid dresses, and tuxes. Everything else I've got done."

"You're amazing." I said kissing her cheek. "When did you plan all this?"

"Well..."

**Katniss POV Five Months Earlier**

I was out getting lunch at a quaint little bistro when I ran into a semi familiar face.

"Katniss." He knew my name but I hardly knew his.

"Hello." I shook his hand.

"You may not remember me. I quite working at the firm you work for now about the time you were hired. But we did meet. I'm Cinna."

"Hi again." I said with a laugh, "How have you been?"

"Very well, I've opened my own design company."

"For software?"

"For clothes." He said.

"Oh, that sounds great." I said.

"It is. Very successful."

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you quit?"

"I don't mind, it was just time for me to move on. I had to just start my own life." I nodded thinking about Peeta. Had he moved on without me?

"Um... Another question. How do you know when?"

"When what?"

"When it's time to... you know. Move on?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because..." I told him about Peeta.

"You love him?"

"More than anything. He's been there whenever I needed him."

"And what exactly is the problem?"

"I want to marry him, but he doesn't live here anymore. Do I go after him? Or should I just stay here?"

"Do you love your job more than you love him?"

That took me a moment, "I love him more." I decided.

"Life is chock full of choices Katniss. If you love him choose to love him. Don't leave yourself wondering. Choose what your heart wants."

"It's scary."

"So was moving out here."

"No that was freeing."

"Then let this be freeing too." He said.

"Now all I have to do is propose..."

Cinna laughed, "I can help with that."

And so for the next five months he sketched different designs for me. The reunion dress was his creation. He'd already designed my wedding dress and agreed to come for the wedding. He had steadily become a very dear friend of mine.

**Peeta's POV **

"You are amazing." I told her once she'd finished her story.

"When do you want to marry me?" She asked before I could kiss her.

"Now."

"How about in a month?"

"I'd like to have it in May."

"So two months from now, I'll be a Mrs." She laughed.

"You'll be more than that. You'll be MY Mrs."

"I'm already yours." She promised me. That's when I became so entranced with her I completely forgot where I was in space and time. All that mattered was us two. We were there and we were real. We were the only things that mattered in the cosmos. We were unbreakable. That day was the start of forever.

_Hey! One last chapter until the end. You guessed it the wedding! I'm so excited. I hope enjoyed it. I love you and would love you forever if you took some time to read my original story link is on my profile! Thanks dear. I love you._


	26. Chapter 26

**Katniss POV**

I didn't ever think I'd get married. So needless to say when I woke up to get ready, the entirety of it seemed unreal. I felt nerves shaking me to the core.

Peeta wanted a sunrise wedding, so waking at three to get ready was slightly invigorating. We'd be marrying in my home town, out in the meadow close by our ranch. It was still depressingly dark out as Madge curled my hair. She had her daughter nursing in one arm and a curling iron in the other. Johanna, Rue, Clove, Ginger, Annie, Glimmer and Prim were slowly but surely slipping into there own bridesmaid dresses. I kept telling myself to breathe, breathing was really hard. Just because I kept think 'Oh my god I'm getting married. Oh my god. Oh my god.'

Madge finished my hair and left to get herself ready leaving me alone in my large bedroom. I'm not going to tell you I went searching through my old bedroom and had some intense feelings of lastness and saying goodbye to my old self and finally my past.

What I did instead was I pulled out something very dear to me. A journal I was given as a small child.

I had written all the most important moments of my life in it. From my first crush when I was four to when I'd gotten the job in Seattle. I began to write down everything I could remember about the haze of planning. How everyone in town pitched in to help.

Once I'd finished I flipped through the pages of my note book. I stopped on an entry about my first day of high school.

I read through it. It hadn't been a highlight of my life. But it was important, and I wrote that down. _P.S I left you a note future me. You know where it is. Read it... when things get better._

I questioned for a moment what in hell I had been talking about before suddenly remembering. I smiled softly as I opened the top drawer of my dresser and dug to the bottom of my clothes. I pulled out a smudged letter in my cursive handwriting.

_Hey future me,_ wow was I a creative kid. _I just wanted to say that things really suck right now. In starting high school world. But I know things will get better. I don't know when or how but they will. I've been think a lot lately, about my future. I wonder who I'll be. I hope I'm like you, _and I'm funny. _What I mean is... I hope I learn to like who I am. I hope I find my place. I hope I get out of this town and find all the great things life has to offer. But most of all Kat, I hope things are good with you. I hope you're alright. I hope you're having fun and loving life. I hope you surround yourself with great people. I hope you make this life wonderful to make up for the suckyness of our childhood. I hope we find everything we're looking for. I have faith and so should you. Love Little Katniss, P.S Prim still hasn't figured out that Buttercup ate the fish. I still like that fish better._

I can't blame little Katniss that was one good fish. I know little Katniss is proud of me. I did everything she asked of me.

I found my place, friends who love me, and my soon to be husband who would go to the ends of the earth for me.

I put away the letter and slip on my wedding dress. Time to get married, time to look at this room as my own for the last time. Time to forget the bad and love the good. It's time to put on my mothers broche. My something old and my something blue. Prim gave me a drop necklace for my something new, and Annie let me borrow her hair piece from her wedding.

I am a bride. The only thing I can imagine myself being in this moment. I love who I am in this moment.

I walk out of the house with only the figures of my bridal party leading me. I follow the path of candles providing the only source of light.

As I wait to walk down the aisle I think of my ma, my dad, and my papa. "I miss you." I whisper before proudly walking down the aisle all by myself. Until halfway down my walk when Gale lends me his arm. I could cry at the gesture, my best friend handing me off to the man I love.

Peeta's crying already. I want to only because his tears are so happy I can't contain my joy.

We're married that morning, dusk as our perfect backdrop. Our wedding perfect, our love imperfect in every amazing way. I couldn't be happier when I finally realize the boy I never dreamed of, was the only dream I ever wanted.

Sometimes the things you need in life are the things you never thought of, but it's those things that make every dream come to life. He's my living fairytale.

* * *

_Oh good god it's over. That is really depressing... But I still have one more chapter to complete Precious and I've started a new Divergent story to fill the void. My original story is indeed posted link is on my page..._

_But dude I seriously love you for finishing this. It means the world to me, every comment and follow and favorite meant so much. I love you I'll miss you and I only hope I didn't disappoint you. I love you and from the very bottom of my heart. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for reading. You make it possible for me to dream and have others dream with me. That feeling can't be matched._


	27. A Note

Hi! Guess what friendship? It's new story time! However I need your help. I have a poll on my profile, and if you would be so kind as to vote on a chapter title I can finally publish it! It's already written the first three chapters are being reviewed and read, all I need is a title. Help me out yeah? I love you and hope you're ready. So many exclamation points... Anyway please help out, it will be very appreciated.


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